I don’t know why or by what force I am compelled to feel this way, but I want to be a father so badly, to the point where it consumes a large amount of my daily thoughts. I’m still in highschool and have never even been in a relationship, let alone one strong enough to even consider the prospect of raising a child together. I am still financially dependent on my parents as well, and I am most certainly not at a stage in life where one would normally consider having a kid. So why do I feel like this?
24 comments
Maybe a better question for a psychologist than strangers? There’s certainly nothing wrong with wanting to be a parent (or not)
I went through phases of wanting a kid in my teens and early 20s, being ambivalent about having kids or not in my mid 20s, and then actively *not* wanting kids after my sister had them and I got to see first hand the sacrifices required to raise them.
I would say hormones as you’re still very young. Just don’t do anything rash as raising a child is EXPENSIVE.
Probably because, biologically speaking, you are of that age. It makes sense biologically, but not socially.
Your cave-man animal instincts are telling you to do exactly what your body was meant to do. It won’t work out in modern-day society, so don’t follow through quite yet. If that’s what you really want, find a great girl and treat her well for a few years, then marry her when the appropriate time comes, then start pumping out babies if you are in a good place to do so.
Perfectly natural.
Always find it so weird a girl can know from age 4 she wants to be a mom or a wife or a home maker but if a guy says his goal in life is to have kids or be married he’s ridiculed.
Focus on school and building a solid foundation and career for yourself so that you can have kids and be a good dad! Date with plans of having kids someday and be upfront about that (no I don’t mean asking on the first date I just mean if she says child free on Tinder don’t waste both your time).
Some people wanna start their own business, you wanna be a dad. The thing you have in common is that you both have to start laying the groundwork to make your goal not just a reality but a successful reality.
It’s easy to pop out a kid. Hard to be a dad.
A combination of things.
1. Biology. You’re entering a period of your life where there is a hardwired drive to procreate.
2. You observe society and imagine your place within it. This creates subconscious pressures to do certain things.
I think it’s normal for human to want to procreate and be parents. I can’t say why exactly but I think that’s how most humans should feel by default.
You got that drive! It’s primal! It’s good it’ll serve you especially when looking for a long term partner.
Consider joining a big brother type program, it would give you the opportunity to make a positive impact in a youngsters life.
You are feeling unimportant, not special, not loved by the world, or having struggles in these areas making you emotionally insecure.
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And you think having a baby will make those things right, because a child will depend on you giving you the sense of importance you desperately are wanting right now.
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It won’t. And it will be miserable for the baby.
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Seek some counsel from an adult male you can trust. If you are a member of a church, try the clergy. If not, look towards other areas of counsel. You need it before you make a huge mistake that won’t only punish you, but possibly punish an innocent child.
Be supportive and accept him. My teenage daughter came out as bisexual, and she knows she can come to her parents for support and advice.
Quite often knowing and understanding your relationship with your son is no different to what it was yesterday goes a long way to help. You don’t have to have a parade through town, but just saying hey it’s ok will help a lot. With my daughter, we treat her no differently to anyone else because sexuality shouldn’t define who a person is.
i have a mom like this and from a very young age i could feel her feelings of resentment and it led me to being very emotionally immature for a long time because i did not understand emotions at all. please get some therapy, because trust me, your daughter knows you’re only tolerating her
One of the hardest things about reaching adulthood is seeing your parents less and less, and seeing them age more and more each time you see them
1. Hormones.
2. Delusions.
3. You had really nice parents who worked really hard to raise you and you look up to them.
4. You realized you never had a childhood.
5. You have way older siblings.
Probably your your brain functioning as intended for most animals on the planet. We are programmed to procreate and keep the species going.
It could also be an unconscious desire to follow in the footsteps of good parents, make up for bad parents by doing better, or the desire to be loved and needed.
I suggest waiting though. Having children is incredibly expensive, time consuming, and stressful.
i feel like its probably hormones and just your brain and body changing and growing, but if you wanna get psychological…
in my experience, i have had random bursts of wanting to be a parent really bad, and i’ve come to the conclusion that it’s a combination of two things. i know i’ve been raised pretty shitty and lacked a lot of, well, everything a parent is supposed to give. wanting to be a parent is sort of my way of saying to myself “i’m going to break the generational trauma and show this child everything i never had. i’ll give them all the love snd toys and care and support i wish i grew up with.”
the second reason (a little less deep lol) was because of little things i’ve seen about kids in passing. i get tiktoks about cute kid moments, parenting tips and advice, etc. i see kids clothes when i’m shopping irl and online. i see family and friends with children and how cute and loving it all seems, despite all the stress and “bad” stuff i know comes with parenthood. im exposed little by little to being a dad, and it becomes more appealing.
another reason, i guess, is i started dating a single mother. taking care of their kids with them has been a huge learning experience and a lot of fun, and they love me back like i’m their father. i love them and love seeing them happy and want to give them the whole entire world.
though, like some other comments said, it may be something to talk about with a therapist. there may be underlying reasons why, maybe unresolved traumas or something like that. it may help you work through everything so when you do end up having kids, you’ll be able to give them the best 🙂
Cuz you like being broke and worrying and you’re a gluten for punishment. Oh oh oh. You like having your heart broken too. That’s like a whole phase
I’m like that before until reality hit me that life is hard and effin expensive. If you will grow up to be a fine man, then why not be a father who can nurture a child well 🙂
All is as it should be.
Wait until you can financially support the whole bunch and more importantly until you feel responsible and mature enough to have kids.
Go babysit for a couple times and report back.
What aspects of being a father in particular interest you? And please don’t tell me “everything!”. Focus on key aspects like…
– Is it simply the conceiving part? Maybe you just a have a breeding kink.
– Do you think kids are cute and adorable? They aren’t like that forever as they progress from toddlers to teens.
– Are you keen on seeing how they grow and develop themselves? These aren’t lab rats. You will learn a lot about yourself as well during this process.
So what is it?
Probably not in touch with ourself and overwhelmed by hormones.
Hormones.
When I went through puberty I was all about kids think it’s just a human thing that passes just dont do anything stupid and wear protection if you get down
Evolution. Reject your nature
It sounds to me like you’ve got a plan and know what you want to do with your future and you should work towards making it happen by trying to focus on other things to achieve your goal.
Do well in school, talk to girls and date them but go in looking for a relationship and not a wife/mother. Save up money and figure out a career path if you can. You’ve got plenty of time, just build up your life and it’ll happen.
If you need motivation, imagine what you want and what you need to do to have it. You can do it, I know you can.