I [25F] feel used and worthless yet again because of guy [25M] I thought was different

Took so many years to get to where I am just to have a male do it again

So I’ve been seeing this guy for nearly 6 months now. He was a mutual friend and we just kind of started talking but in the beginning I wasn’t really looking for anything serious. My last serious relationship ended in 2017 and although that is a while ago it took me a few years to get over it. He was my first love and although we broke up we still saw each other in the most toxic way. I forgot who I was for a while and it was genuinely the worst depression I could think of. I would wish it on no one.

So since then I’ve seen a few people but not really felt anything close to what I felt for him.

Cue this new guy coming in. I told him at the beginning kind of what had happened to me and that since then I didn’t really do relationships because Im scared what will happen to me again. Anyway, we start spending a lot of time together and I find myself getting lost in this person like I haven’t since my first love. I feel like the feelings are reciprocated and we just wanna be with each other and it’s just so easy and nice.

However, when I first started seeing him 6 months ago I had had plans of moving to a new city from my current city in the UK and the distance is about a 2 hour drive. I wanted a fresh start after everything and I got offered an amazing job. When I had accepted this I had nothing holding me where I was except obviously my friends and family etc but those were relationships I obviously knew being in a different city wouldn’t affect.

I think we both pretended this move wasn’t happening as I liked him way more than I thought I was going to. We both knew we should ideally distance ourselves because of the inevitable. There was a 2 week period where he just cut me off completely, didn’t speak to me and just left me out to dry. I was heartbroken and it really took me back to how I was after my first love, I was not okay and it scared the shit out of me.

Eventually we started speaking again and just went straight back to being with each other like 4/5 times a week. He suddenly started saying how stressed he was and down and although I was equally stressed because of my upcoming move and stuff, I made sure I listened to him. I consoled him night after night even when he had breakdowns in front of me about money, his job, family etc… i was there.

Then after about month 5, after I’d stuck by his side for how long and put my problems to the side, he cut me off again. It’s like he doesn’t even know me. He used to want to see me everyday and now he just couldn’t care less. I feel like a complete mug. I brought him things throughout our time together like when he was down I would buy him little presents to make him feel better or offer to help him out with money etc.

It’s just so confusing because the last time I spoke to him was yesterday on the phone. It was like I didn’t even know him anymore. I know he’s depressed and stressed but I had a particularly manic episode a few days before and rang him crying like panic stricken. He said he was busy and never even messaged me asking if I was okay. I haven’t seen him properly in about two weeks and when I rang him yesterday all he said was well you’re moving soon aren’t you and also said I was guilt tripping him because I said i just wanted him to be there for me like I had for him because I was so down the other day. I don’t think I am doing that but my friends say that he does gas light me. He sometimes says things and then when I say it again he says he never said them.

When we ended the call last night I was sobbing uncontrollably, he was emotionless. He apologised for not checking on me the other day but I’m honestly destroyed.

The thing is I don’t believe he doesn’t care about me. We spent so long together and he told me so many things about himself and vice versa. We just became like best friends so quickly.

I just don’t understand how he can shut me out like this. When he was angry he would shout I wasn’t even his bird so he didn’t owe me anything. But then I would get upset and he would apologise. Last night I found myself in the same state I was all those years ago and it was scary. I really care for him and it’s hard.

I get I’m leaving soon and he said to me before that he’s still gonna be here in the same job and same place but I’ll be off doing this amazing new career. Im just so hurt. It makes me feel he never really cared. I gave him so much and the one time I needed him he didn’t come through. Now we’ve ended it and we always said we never wanted it to end this way.

I feel used.

TL;DR- I’ve spent years getting over a past relationship and after spending 6 months with someone felt I really started remembering what it was like to love again. He has cut me off even though we were seeing each other everyday and I have been there for him constantly when he’s been down and depressed. Rang him the other day when I was having a manic episode and he acted like he didn’t know me. I am heartbroken.