My boyfriend (24M) and I (23F) have been dating for about half a year now. Things went very well in the beginning of our relationship and I couldn’t have been happier. Things started to take a turn when the relationship became serious and external stressors became a play. We were spending less quality time together and I became more sad and distressed. When my bf gets stressed and worried, he’ll just slip a switch on me. One day he’s warm and another day he’s cold. One moment he wants space and says we spend plenty of time together and then later on tells me that he misses our time together. What the heck? I feel like I give him what he wants and then that’s actually not what he wants. I feel like I’m kept close to him, but just not close enough so that I can’t hurt him. Sometimes he accuses me of trying to manipulate him or hurt him, when all I’m doing is trying to show him love. Even if I carefully and mindfully express how I feel, he will take what I say and create a whole narrative in his head. I ask him to validate me, and he refuses to do so because he doesn’t understand why I feel the way I do. I try to explain that validating someone’s experience has nothing to do with you and whether it’s right or wrong. It’s just how a person feels. When he gets in this headspace, nothing I say or do helps. I ask him what he needs and sometimes he doesn’t know himself. Or sometimes it’s just letting him withdraw and keep to himself. This brings out my anxiety so much because I’m trying to meet his needs while not having my own needs met. It doesn’t help that I found out he was lying to me about his finances and drug usage. I feel anxious and just want to feel emotionally safe. I want to feel like I can trust and rely on him. This constant push/pull is exhausting and affecting my mental well-being. I love him dearly and want to work on things with him. I see progress & I know he’s trying the best he can. I know things that are habitual and deeply rooted can’t change day and night. It’s just that some days can be so difficult and I don’t know what else to do. How do I maintain a healthy relationship with an avoidant?