My partner has had depression for at least 3 years. He started therapy about a year and a half ago and medication four months ago. I had been encouraging him to start both long ago but was met with fighting and lots of resistance. His mom makes comments about people who take anxiety meds like other family members and has for as long as my husband remembers and that really got to him and made it very stigmatized.
The medication seeemed to be helping but then some things changed with his job search a couple weeks ago and things have been awful since. I feel like he has attitude with me over nearly everything like telling our toddler Dada will get that for you . He says I’m making attacks at him when I’m just letting our daughter know what’s happening. She’s suuuuper attached to me so I feel like being extra repetitive let’s her know what’s happening.
I’m also pregnant , this was planned, we both want another baby together, but then the last couple weeks he’s saying he’s not going to overcome this , talks like he may want to die, is going to quit therapy it doesn’t help, his life is going to be miserable etc etc.
He doesn’t think he’s going to get the job he’s applied for and that’s his only option at the moment. He’s a professor in a specified field and didn’t get tenure at his first university so is convinced no one will hire him. I feel like there are other things he can do with his PhD and can certainly find something that’s a good fit even though it’s unclear what that is. I tell him this but it falls upon deaf ears.
Any suggestions? How do you support a spouse with depression who doesn’t seem to want to help himself over the pst week? This has been going on for a few years on and off and but he seemed to be doing a lot better over the summer at times. I try to be supportive but when I’m
met with snappiness it leaves me
feeling offended and alone. I have a great therapist and couple close friends that I talk to for support but I want a happy marriage again too. He’s so upset that he requires most of his time alone. Thanks for reading!
1 comment
I really feel for you. It is so hard to help someone who doesn’t want help. You can’t change him or make him get help. It is good that you have a therapist and friends to support you.
Do you think his medication is working well? Has this been checked and evaluated?
Maybe take a look at ways you are “managing his emotions for him” and try to back off and take care of yourself. You can remind him of more balanced ways to look at life if he reverts to black and white despondent thinking, or you can of course pay attention if he is thinking especially dark thoughts and needs an intervention, but in general, be careful not to adopt the role of his therapist and/or constant encourager bc he needs to take some responsibility for this himself. And if he is too weak to do it, yes you can temporarily give a bigger level of support to him, but watch out for it becoming a chronic pattern which will put you in a codependent role and sap the life out of you and perhaps slow him down when it comes for taking responsibility for his mental health. He needs to take his treatment seriously for the sake of not only himself but also his family.