So, i met this girl about seven weeks ago and we’ve been having sex for a couple of days. The thing is, she’s got way more experience than i do and as soon as she started telling me her fetishes i was kinda surprised. I even asked her if the guys she used to have sex were machines or somethig like that. First time we did it was pretty cool(she said it), but now im wondering if im able to reach the level she preaches. I try not to compare myself, but it often pops in my head and makes me feel bad. Not the im not good, but her standard is too high. Do you guys have any tips on how to get there ?
8 comments
Yea…Keep fucking
And communicating and being open while doing so. But you’re worried about not being experienced enough, when you are literally getting the experience. Get out of your head, pay attention and you’ll learn.
Fake it till you make it! Just like if you were applying for a job a little bit above your qualifications.
Go pick up a copy of this book! “She comes first” by Ian Kerner. By the time you’ve read the book, you’ll be so skilled that you’ll make up for your little experience! And she won’t know what hit her!
Talk to her about this. Share how you feel and where you do and don’t feel secure. Sex is best in the presence of healthy communication.
Just because someone had fun in the past doesn’t mean they aren’t super into you =)
Someone being kinky doesn’t mean that they have wildly high standards sexually. Those are two different concepts.
Just talk to her about how you’re feeling and about what each of you would like to do sexually together.
Didnt you just post this yesterday?
The thing about kinky people is that the kink community has really good guidelines for communication about sex. She’s probably using her kink communication best practices with you and you weren’t expecting that level of sharing.
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My advice:
* Accept yourself as you are
* Set your growth goals as a lover… what do you want to improve?
* Identify your boundaries (hard and soft) and your limits
* Identify your kinks
* Identify your partner’s kinks
* Have a conversation with your partner about everything in this list and negotiate how you both want your sexual dynamic to work
* Periodically schedule another negotiation session as a check-up and as a way to identify new kinks and growth areas
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Generally speaking, a person who is a generous lover and who wants to get better is a prized partner and will develop into a great lover. You can choose to be that person and, given some time, you can develop into an amazing sexual partner.
> Do you guys have any tips on how to get there ?
Yes: worry about _entirely different_ problems.