My girlfriend and I have have been fighting on and off since April. It’s always the same shit. She blames everything on me, and never owns up to anything she’s done wrong in the past. Don’t get me wrong, I wanna stay with her despite me sort of shit talking her on here. Things used to be GREAT, I thought I was absolutely gonna marry this woman. I just want it to be like that again. Every time something happens, she doesn’t really talk to me, she’s pretty cold to me, and frankly kind of rude. Sure it probably is my job to approach her and try to fix it, but I’ve done it EVERY TIME. This most recent time i basically tried her own tactics on her and just haven’t talked to her in like 2 days (we live together so kinda hard) There’s a spare room in our house so i’ve been in there. I thought she would be the bigger person this time and initiate contact, but no, so I did again and I was trying to reason with her and find solutions to the problem. Ended up with her basically just insulting me the whole and telling me to figure it out on my own. No surprise there, pretty much how it always goes. She claims that the root of ALL of our problems is that I don’t communicate at all, and I don’t treat her right. If any of you saw our home life, you would be in disbelief that she would say something like that. Sure, I absolutely could communicate more, but I truly don’t know how I can. Because if she’s being rude to me or something and I try to communicate to her that she’s either hurting my feelings, or overreacting, etc, she’ll blow up on me and not take anything from it. We’ve both told each other many times the things we need to change, and she claims she’s changed sooooo much and i haven’t done anything which is complete shit. I ALWAYS have to walk on eggshells around her because one little mistake and i’m fucked, she always belittles me, constantly insults my intelligence, and never tries to fix the situation. She just expects me to do everything but never changes herself. She said I’ll never be able to find someone better, but she can. And she doesn’t know if I can make her happy anymore. Part of my just wants end things, but the thought of her not being around really hurts. Any advice on what to do/say i just don’t know anymore. My heart hurts
8 comments
Why do this to yourself?
She will not change. She has shown that she will never initiate. She knows you ll come running to her. If you are okay with it, find your happiness in that
Else you know the red flags. They are quite obvious
I’m so sorry, it sounds like you’re with someone emotionally abusing you. Please look up the signs of emotional and/or mental abuse and you’ll see the shoe fits in your situation.
No partner should constantly belittle you, insult you, etc. It doesn’t matter if you’re a shit communicator (but honestly you probably aren’t that bad, she’s using that as an excuse to blameshift), even then you still shouldn’t be subjected to such hostility and insults all the time.
Walking on eggshells, questioning yourself, are both common feelings for a victim of emotional abuse. Another thing that stood out was her saying you can’t find anyone better but she can – another classic.
The fact is, *she* is the bad communicator (being angry instead of calmly talking, insulting you, etc), *she* is the one not treating you well, and *she* is the one who hasn’t changed at all. She’s just flipped all of that around onto you because when *you’re* in the wrong, she feels that she has power and control over you. With emotional abuse, it’s all about having the upper hand, power, control, over the victim. So they do/say things to belittle them or manipulate them.
Please leave this person OP, you deserve much better than to be abused.
You say you want to be with her despite your frustrations… but are you sure she wants to be with you? Because that’s not how I treat someone I’m trying to make it work with.
The thought of her not being around is unpleasant. The reality of her being around is actually causing you pain. There is no excuse for the way that she is treating. It is beyond unacceptable. You’re walking around on eggshells trying to avoid setting her off but it doesn’t work. She will always find a reason to blow up. She will always find fault. You need to wake up to the fact that the things she is saying to you are inexcusable. You would never speak to her like that and you shouldn’t accept being mistreated.
Leave. Or find a better way to communicate with her about it. Not everything is your fault, trust me. It will get worse if you don’t do anything about it.
Does she take adderall
Stop wasting your time with someone who does not like you and doesn’t want you to be happy.