Ok so i met m26 two months ago at a club. He said something to me while we were waiting in a line. It was a funny thing about my hair and then that was it.
Weeks after we randomly meet again and we have a small convo while other friends are there.
After 1 month or so he adds me on social media and texts me. Tells me we kinda met, i tell him i don’t remember much of it cause i was drunk. Nothing sexual happens in those texts. He’s the one always starting the conversation and asking questions about my life. I genuinely have no idea what his intentions are.
Btw he seems pretty mature and well established in his life.
So what happens is that after texting, we randomly see each other again at a club.
Little disclaimer;
I like to drink and when i am drunk i turn to a whole other person. I become really, really flirty, and affectionate. I let men touch me, i hug them and just generally behave in a way i would never behave when sober.
I have never let a man touch me while sober. Never. The contrary happens when i get drunk. And i don’t just get tipsy. I drink enough to really lose control and i am unconscious about my actions.
Ok so back to what happened:
I was talking to my friend and i guess he was behind me and tapped on my shoulder. I turned to his direction and excited drunk me was like “heyy!!” and i hugged him while kissing him on the cheek. He asked me how i was and other stuff i don’t exactly remember. And at some point he also asked how drunk i was or how much i was drinking. I said i was pretty drunk and asked him if he was drunk too. He said he had only some drinks, and was just tipsy.
I then asked him “what do you wanna do to me?” and he was like ??? excuse me??? And i started saying how he texts me and there should be a reason why he texts me. He got close to my ear and said “you seem to know why”. I guess that was enough for me cause i started hugging him again and kissing his neck. Then i turned around, my back facing him and i started dancing. I was glued to him and i could feel everything… he seemed to enjoy it. but i think this lasted 2 minutes? Until he physically stopped me and said i should dance with my (female) friends. They were some steps away from us, he brought me to them, hugged me goodbye while saying “be careful” and left.
Oh he also asked a friend of mine to watch out for me.
That same night he texted me asking if everything was okay and i got home. Then he asked if i remember what happened. I lied and said not really but i know we saw each other.
He was vague but said i looked excited to see him but he thought my behavior could be dangerous for myself and i should not get that drunk.
I didn’t try to go deeper because i feel super embarrassed about it. I don’t know if now he sees me as a slut or idk… I am really attracted to him and i feel his attraction to me. But i am scared my behavior made him see me as a low value girl. I know this sounds kinda bad but thats how some men think and now i regret what i did and i don’t know where we stand.
He keeps texting me and being his gentleman self but yeah i feel disgusting. Part of me wishes he would have done something that night. As i said, i know he is attracted to me but like i ask myself why he didn’t engage more while we were at the club? I was kissing his neck, dancing on his d, and he stopped that. I wish he reciprocated. Cause him not reciprocating makes me feel cringe and unwanted.
He didn’t engage at the club, so i was at least expecting him to say something at least flirty via text. But he hasn’t. We just have been having normal get to know each other conversations. Even after i acted so sexual with him. I ask myself why and i just don’t understand.
16 comments
Honestly sounds like he was just a cool dude wasn’t looking to get in your pants and took appropriate measures to keep you safe (making sure his friend looked out for you) and not taking advantage of you while you were drinking, kudos to him.
To answer your question, honestly, yeah I think you’ve embarrassed yourself but that’s okay, We all do stupid stuff when we’re drunk! If you guys are still texting then just keep going with that for a while
Edit: Spelling
Obviously it’s hard to tell not being there, but from what you wrote at least it looks like a pretty obvious case of not wanting to do anything untoward with someone significantly more drunk than they were. In fact, exactly what you’d want him to do.
I think therapy should be pursued. There is a lot about this post that is kinda concerning.
This guy is a king and respected you and didn’t want to do anything whilst you was drunk, he seems like a gentleman and mature so definitely a good guy and you should definitely carry on texting him and hopefully soon he might ask you out on a date when you can show your class
This is all goofy.
Lets look at this from his perspective:
He is interested in a girl. He texts her. He meets her at the club. She is all up and personal and clearly showing interest in him which seemingly is an unusual thing for her to do plus he can probably deduce she was drunk. So he is an absolute lad, doesnt take advantage of her, sends her with her friends and texts her later to know if she was okay. He then asks her if she remembers anything and she says *no*.
At this point he can’t really be sure if youre really interested in him or you were just drunk. And the environment between men and women nowadays is very hard to navigate and confusing. What if you were just drunk and don’t want his advances? He doesnt want to deal with that possible outcome. So he plays it cool.
Why are you expecting advances from him when all the signs you gave him were while you were drunk? Why do your advances have to be when you’re drunk? Particularly since you’re apparently interested in him too.
Why not just ask him on a date and come clean? Talk it out and your anxieties are bound to go away.
On a sidenote: After around 25, people tend to dislike and even think somewhat poorly of the type of night when you go all out drunk. People kinda expect you to “”handle”” your drinks and, depending on how he feels about it, that might cause a rift between you two. Happened with 2 people I know Irl with a similar age difference, where the older one would (unfairly) look down on the younger one because of “maturity” when it comes to drinking.
Try not being fully drunk so he knows he has your consent
You should just be honest with the guy and thank him for respecting you. And then tell him you would like to hang out.
your dual personality part of were you drink you become a total different person. Umm no you don’t you don’t become anything other than inibriated, and that’s why you should consider getting help to quit drinking and some counseling. ” Things I would never do while I’m sober” victim mentality showing, lack of taking responsibility.
You engaged him and put him in a compromising position that could ruin him. He’s obviously tying to see how you feel about it and he’s anxious if your going to take it the wrong way and join the me too movement. He dodged a bullet by telling you to stop had it gone further and it was a 1 night stand then he had rejected you, he’d be in jaiil. That’s the vibe I’m getting you can’t take rejection and you want him to get in trouble for not liking you. At this point you lied to him by saying you don’t remember then acting like you dont want anything further but continue to text him as a friend then wonder why he doesn’t sext you. Take responsibility and apologize to him and then take his advice and seek help.
The fact that you go from being very closed to other people to be overly open to them suggests that you are not comfortable showing your interest to someone.
The guy just didn’t want to take advantage of you, he probably didn’t realize that you use alcohol to feel free to act like this and that you actually wanted it.
Tldr but your drinking is concerning.
I think he realizes sober you vs drunk you are two completely different people and was put off by the version he got of you that night.
Imagine if he had reciprocated your advances and then sober-you regrets it and feels that he took advantage of you? His life could be ruined by something like that. He made exactly the right move by recognizing you were too drunk to give consent and you further validated that by explaining how you’re a completely different person when sober.
That being said, if he’s still talking to you then it means he is still interested. However, I would imagine he is giving you the benefit of the doubt that you might actually show interest in him without needing to be drunk. You’re also not giving yourself any points by lying and saying you don’t remember things when you do. If you really like him then start being honest and communicating how you feel about the whole situation. Good luck.
I think he likes you but didn’t want to take advantage of you. When your sober you should be more open with him take a chance and ask him out.
It’s sounds as if he miiight have liked you. But you’re too unguarded while intoxicated. First would you want to think let’s say you did have a relationship with him. Would you like to think he’s out with his friends drinking and behaved this way? If he dates you in any capacity, he’ll wonder who you’re wrapping around if he’s not there… I also get it from a safety perspective. It’s good you have had friends about so far, but idk I wouldn’t drink like this solo. Have fun and find what it is you’re looking for🙋🏻♀️🤓
Bro, what’s wrong with you? Would you sleep with a guy who is drunk? That’s rapey territory; why would you expect men to do the same to you?
I think he is into you, that he worried about you getting home safe , and followed up to make sure you got home safe and keeps initiating texts , shows his interest.
The fact that he is moving slow, but maintaining contact, in my mind shows that he is thinking more long term, and or, is very inexperienced and nervous about sex.
You telling him you know you saw him , but can’t remember what happened possibly made him wonder if blackouts are a normal thing for you, pointing to a potential drinking problem.
Or that you do remember, and regret kissing his neck and dancing on his D. Which , if he is inexperienced, probably meant the world to him.
Which could be why he stopped things .. so many new barriers being crossed overwhelmed him and he needed to process.
I think he likes you quite a bit, but that’s just my impression.
Aw I think he probably knew if you were that drunk that you couldn’t consent and that would be taking advantage of you. If you were to date he probably wouldn’t feel comfortable with you going out with your friends like that though. Might be afraid you’d cheat and use drinking as an excuse