I love to talk and communicate. I love having a good deep conversation. I yearn to be quick witted and jump into conversations without feeling like I’m slowing everything down. I want to be able to say my own fucking name without taking 3 retries whenever an employee asks for it. But I can’t. My stutter keeps holding me back, and even when people say they don’t have a problem with it I can tell they do.
People often say they “don’t notice my stutter”. Yes you do. People just don’t understand the different types of stuttering. For reference, there are three main types of stuttering: Repetition (the most well known), blocking, and prolongation. Because of this people misconstrue the stutters as me being meek or scared to speak.
In the past few months I’ve been more social than I ever have in my entire life. In this time I’ve only realized how much worse my stutter has gotten. I have only been able to count myself getting through entire sentences without stuttering a handful of times.
But the bigger issues are the reactions. When I talk in groups, the second I start stuttering someone will try to talk over me. People often leave me out of discussions. Even worse is when someone starts talking over me I stutter even worse. I couldn’t even comfort my friend who was crying about their friend’s death without making it more awkward for everyone involved.
Sorry for the rant. I’m just so fucking tired of it all.
1 comment
F those shallow, close minded, impatient, insensitive people. You’re perfect the way you are.