How do I (26F) talk to my partner (27M) about how his weight making sex a bit difficult?

7 comments

1. I’d tell him like you told us. It’s not a deal breaker but you’d like this for improvement. Let him know in no uncertain terms that you are attracted to him still.

   I would suggest leading by example health wise.

   No junk food, get bad stuff out of the house and don’t be a bad influence (restaurants are death). It should also be noted that he may get in a little better shape but it probably won’t last terribly long or be a huge change as keeping weight off is incredibly hard once it’s on. Some version of this may just be reality. You just want a slightly better version. That’s just real talk.

2. you could say you want more of him like kissing as you said or deeper penetration with the obvious intention of you want as much of him as possible. seems like a very positive and complimentary way to go about it

3. Don’t mention the part about his weight wrecking your sex life. It will hurt him so much and will take a toll on his self confidence. Instead just motivate him to lose weight since you care about his health, also his doctor had suggested the same.

4. It may not be all him. I think on both ends, work can be done to better your sex life.
   Start stretching and doing certain workouts.
   Look into new sex positions you two can do.
   Weight is not the issue.
   Flexibility is.
   Speaking from experience.

5. Just be straight forward as here, if he loves you, he may loose weight for your pleasure

6. I’m a big fat guy, likely much fatter than your bf, so maybe I can helpful here! And, like you, I really like kissing my partner during sex.

   First, with missionary, I don’t lay on top of my partner most of the time. I tend to stay perpendicular to her, so that she’s on her back, and I’m upright on my knees, sort of the same position I’d be in if we were doing doggy. I then intersperse that with time where I try to kiss my partner. I can usually get on top of her for short periods of time, where I’m taking extra care to support my weight with my arms. I also try to make sure I’m not crushing her with my gut too terribly bad. I try to bend my torso (like I’m hunching over pretending to be an old man, if that makes sense?) so that I can get my chest and face close to her but not crush her with my gut. Basically, you have to learn how to fuck as a fat man, but it can be done if you’re conscientious about your body.

   All that said, this does depends on my partner’s dimensions. If she’s tall and/or has a big enough gut, we just *can’t* make out while I’m penetrating her. In those cases I’m happy to slide out of her, give her a short make-out session, and then re-insert. There’s just no way around the physics of it: sometimes you’re just too fat to make out during penetration, as is possibly the case with cowgirl in your situation. If that’s the case, you can try more foreplay to scratch that itch, or also incorporate mutual masturbation sessions into your sex life. Laying down and making out while touching yourself is usually pretty doable, pleasurable, and intimate for even the fattest bodies.

   Now, that doesn’t quite answer your question, so let’s get to the difficult part: bringing this up to him. There’s really no need to make this about his weight. No need to say it’s because he’s gained weight or he’s fat. Just tell him that when he’s on top of you it’s a bit uncomfortable, and go from there with a conversation on what can be done to improve things. Again, doesn’t need to be directly about his weight, just the practicality of having better sex. I’ve had a partner tell me this (“when you’re directly on top of me, it kinda hurts, could you do that less?”) and I just used it as a data point to learn to fuck her better. No need to walk on eggshells like he has cancer. If he can’t see that you’re making a genuine effort to have better sex with him, that’s on him.

7. Tell him to loose weight!