Would you want to find out you got a girl you ghosted pregnant?
I got pregnant by a man who has ghosted me. I’m still early in the pregnancy (I found out today) and it’s been a week since I last heard from him after daily conversation, and me continuing to message him with no response.
Part of me is just considering an abortion without notifying him but I am not sure I could morally have an abortion. I also don’t know how I feel about telling or not telling him. I do not want any added stress as it can be bad for the baby.
I was happy to just forget about him but now it will be impossible, and I don’t know if I should say anything or if he would even care.
So my question is if you ghosted a girl would you want to know you impregnated her?
20 comments
Yes you 100% should let him know.
I would want to know.
But if I ghosted her, I also would have to accept the consequences if she chose not to tell me.
It’s not your fault he severed lines of communication.
Of course yes
I would avoid these type of situations as best as i could.
But an ex did ghost me, only a few yrs later to find out she had miscarried.
My only thought when i heard that was, what would happen if she hadnt. Would i be a dad or just a sire.
I i live by the simple tenet – do not do what you yourself do not want done.
I hate this whole ghosting thing.
Fine, you do you, but doesnt it just make everyone all the more disposable. Of course exceptuons are expected if they abusing you fucking ruuuun!!! Lol.
Anyway depending on the circumstance it should be your duty to the child to let their fathers have an option.
Firstly sending you hugs. I hope you have a good support system around you.
If choose to terminate, I would not tell. Just leave things be.
But if you choose to continue with the pregnancy I don’t think you really have the right to not tell. Strictly my opinion and of course others may disagree. But I feel his right to know and the right of the child to know trumps your feelings of not wanting to see this person again.
However you don’t have to tell now. Take some time to take care of yourself. It might be a few weeks or even a few months but get yourself sorted first. Your health, support system and even legal advice.
Then go to him with matter of fact way. We had sex and now we are pregnant. Tell him what you expect. Give him time to process. Offer a DNA test when baby is born. Get his medical history. And a mediator if needed.
You are not trapping him, or going after him or any other silly comment like that. You are both adults who had consenting sex. Sex has consequences. Pregnancy is on of those. You are both equally responsible.
I wish you the very best of luck and blessings in whatever you choose. Take care
I think I’d want to know. And I don’t believe abortion is an immoral act.
If you’re definitely having an abortion and he ghosted you then that’s up to you to decide. You could see if he’ll be decent and split the cost with you though. If you decide to keep it you’re going to need to regardless of him ghosting you.
I personally would want to know either way but it’s less of an issue if you are terminating.
If you’re getting an abortion anyway not sure why it matters.
My ex got a girl pregnant that he ghosted. He found out about it when the kid was a year old.
She was fuck buddy and he is pissed that the child even exists. He wants nothing to do with the child and he wishes that he didn’t know.
Harsh, yes. But that’s how life goes sometimes
You need to make the decision on abortion. If you’re going to terminate then it may not be worth talking to him about it. If you’re not though, you 100% need to tell him.
You should tell him.
In 5, 10, 20 years time what would you tell the kid? You have no dad as he doesn’t love you? Then one day they find the bio dad and he genuinely tells them he didn’t know they existed? Can’t see that being a good time for anyone.
Other possibility is he has a heditory health issue which might be passed down, so worth knowing about.
No. If i ghosted you. I don’t give a fuck about you or that baby.
I would not like to know.
I would not tell him regardless of what you do. I was in your exact situation almost 20 years ago and I reached out. He pressured me to have the baby and left before they were born. Then spent the next 18 years dragging me to family court for visitation and support. Visitation he never used and support he never paid. Support is literally a chart that you input your income into and it generates a number. Cost me a fortune. My kid has met him a handful of times and has been in therapy since they were eight. Run.
Man, husband and father of 2 (That I know of 😂)
First of all, congratulations are in order and also toughts and prayers for what’s to come. Because if you decide to keep it’ll not be very fun at times, amazing at others and I’m talking both about the pregnancy and the after.
You’re the one deciding on keeping or not. Make this decision based on the future you’ll be able to give the child. Not upon an ” obligation ” to go through with it because it’s already there.
Now for your question:
– if you plan on aborting, no need telling him. If you do and he’s against it… Ghost him, he is not going to go through all of it. (fyi pregnancy is, most of the time an amazing experience, but there are some…, lets call it inconveniences, for some women it’s pure hell).
– if you plan on keeping, etiquette would say to tell him. You’re not obliged to anything else, he doesn’t have a say. But if he wants to participate, I think it’s a good thing for you, him and the kid. But still, you’re in charge of the boundaries.
– if you don’t want him to know, I could understand, but in that case don’t come knocking when things gets harder. I would not appreciate finding out I have a 10yo son because suddenly you need money or don’t want him anymore.
And for the love of god, don’t get together because of the child. Your hormones are going to begin to do crazy shit in a while and it might seem like a good plan but, there is a reason he ghosted you. Maybe it’s you, probably it’s him, but it’s not a good start for a relationship, no matter how much effort you both put in.
If you wan’t him to pay alimentation, that’s your right imo, but in that case I think he should get a say in the education of the child. He’ s taking responsability for his deeds after all.
If you’re happy that you’re with child, once again congratulations. You’re going to discover what true happiness is… Lol and fatigue, that too 😊
I think if you keep the baby you should tell him, if nothing because the kid will want to know the father.
However, if you keep the child, consider his father will be a man who had so little sense of responsibility and respect for others that he can’t even tell someone he don’t want to see them again. That’s as weak dad material as it goes.
Yes. I feel like it’s her duty to tell us. It’s our right to know, at least it should be a basic human one. Having a kid is 50/50 equal faults to blame. Men should have a right to know they’re a parent. But, also, depends on the girl and why she was ghosted
Fuck that guy. Tell him only if you want to. If he’s so immature he ghosts people, I doubt he’s mature enough to have any decent response to finding out he has a baby. Tell him only if YOU want to tell him.
Big hugs to you. I couldn’t do abortion, either.
If you having hard time don’t ask the internet. Go talk to a professional. This is a huge life choice your making. Please talk to a professional about this. There’s so many variables. We are not a good source for helping you.
its your body your choice you have no obligation to communicate with him or tell him.
imo just move on and get an abortion.
At the end of the day its YOUR life, you are responsible for it, you bear the weight of the decisions that you make. This person doesnt gaf about you.
Sorry to be blunt but when you feel hurt and confused you can be emotional about decisions.
You are the main priority in your life, not him and not the cells that are growing inside you that are not yet human.
source : a woman approaching middle age that raised a child as a single parent and knows wtf its all about.