I’ve been with my husband for over 3 years. I can’t think of a single time I’ve been able to orgasm without fantasizing that I’m a teen girl and he’s taking advantage of me. I hate it. Afterwards I feel disgusted with myself and sometimes cry. I’ve told him I have that fantasy he just doesn’t know the extent. I asked him what he thinks about to orgasm when we have sex and he said he only thinks of me. I want to be present with him and be able to make love just thinking of us together normally. Is there a way to get rid of these thoughts?
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I’ve had similar thoughts and been embarrassed by them as well. I found a great way to think about new things while cumming is practicing cumming to different things with yourself first. There is so much less pressure when you are masterbating than with a partner. You can take your time, and make sure that time is about you and exploring your different sexual fantasies. Then when you are with your partner it is easier to think about different things
My wife tells me she has no kinks, no fantasies, no erotic thoughts…and that makes me think they’re just to dark to share.
Therapy hon. Honestly. In the mean time maybe a question to ask yourself is what sensation do you experience when you try to be present instead? do you feel fear? do you stop wanting sex? Another thing that can help is spending more time playing with each other with the focus being on curiosity as to what feels good in your body, not what ideas turn you on. As someone else pointed out, that can be easier when masturbating than with someone else – it can feel very vulnerable and you may be using your fantasy to cope with that.
I don’t see what the problem is. The fantasy and it is a fantasy, trigger your arousel and orgasm
Is it possible that you like the idea of being submissive to your husband? This fantasy could mean that you are turned on by the idea of your husband having complete control over you.
There are many people who enjoy the idea of non-consensual play (ie “rape play”) and having those thoughts and desires doesn’t actually mean that there is anything wrong with you.
That said, if it is bothering you this much, I would really encourage you to explore these thoughts with a therapist (particularly a sex therapist) and see if you can unpack what’s behind them.
If the fantasy works for you what is the problem? Your fantasies don’t have to be politically correct or strictly in line with cultural norms. It is just a fantasy and one may fantasise about doing naughty things and still be a strait person in the real world. You are certainly not alone as role playing fantasies with uniforms like schoolgirl, nurse or maid are common. Sexual kinks are nothing to be ashamed of. If you like this kink, go all out and dress in a sexy schoolgirl uniform (yes, they can be purchased off the shelf or online) and get some great orgasms.
I thought every woman had to make up extreme scenarios in order to come. I don’t think I’ve ever finished without imagining some crazy scene. I think it’s just a tool to make it easier to get off. Without fantasizing, you (I) might be there all night.
Do people just stay ‘normal’ and with their partners when focusing on orgasm?
Is that something that happened to you?
I wish there was a way to get rid of those feelings. I too suffer from fantasies where I am much younger and my bf is older and is ‘showing me what sex is’. It’s gross to think about when I’m not horny and after I get off I often think to myself “why am I like this” and go to bed feeling gross. At least I can tell you you’re not alone?
You shouldn’t feel shameful in your fantasies even if it is taboo. But it may help to just talk it out with a therapist
You should know that rape/ ravishment fantasies are extremely common and absolutely do not make you a bad person or mean that you think rape is ok. Some psychologist types theorize that for women, who in our society are conditioned to believe that wanting sex makes them bad or slutty, rape fantasies are a way your brain copes by coming up with a scenario for sexual feelings that doesn’t implicate you as bad and slutty for wanting it. Since this is causing a lot of distress for you, you might find it helpful to speak to a therapist who specializes in sex. There’s nothing wrong with you!
I’ve had some fantasies with my husband that I would never tell him about. It’s hard for me to orgasm without imagining certain scenarios. I haven’t figured out how to end my thoughts, I’m sorry I can’t help. Just know you aren’t alone.
Why do you hate it?
I’d like to tell you something that I’m hoping will ease your mind; if not immediately, then with a little time.
I’ve just finished a project where I did some research into the top female sexual fantasies. Perhaps I’m a little late to the game, but my friend and I were discussing the surprising and massive success of the novel *50 Shades of Grey*. One of the reasons for the novel’s popularity, is because it portrayed a top female sexual fantasy: namely, being dominated. This idea made me wonder what other fantasies were popular among women.
I visited six websites, each of which had a list of the top fantasies, and created a chart which shows these data. I will link it here for reference, but let me just tell you, that ***Rape Fantasy,*** *or* ***Being Dominated****,* was on all or nearly all of these lists. The data also show that, although women report having and being aroused by these fantasies, does not mean that they actually want to do it. Here are the fantasies,according to my research, in no particular order:
* Rape Fantasy/Being Dominated
* Group Sex/Threesomes
* Sex in Public
* Lesbian Sex
* Sex With an Aquaintance Who is not Your Partner
* Sex With a Stranger.
I don’t know all the psychological reasons for these fantasies, but I will tell you that the Rape/Domination fantasies in particular, may have to do with the idea of one’s desireability: *I’m so hot and sexy, I drive men crazy and they can’t help themselves.*
Please don’t feel guilty. Please don’t cry.
Please remember that it’s just a fantasy. You’re free to fantasize about anything. It doesn’t mean you actually want to do it, or that it’s something you want to have happen. I am willing to bet that the more you realx and allow yourself this fantasy, the less you’ll need or want it. And even if that’s not the case, you’re in good company. (Hot, sexy company to boot!!) 😉😉
Here’s a link to the chart I created:
[https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HpapeHF6LVrf0kNVIfsLMqUsMQM4goyOUMljLa1x-N0/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HpapeHF6LVrf0kNVIfsLMqUsMQM4goyOUMljLa1x-N0/edit?usp=sharing)
And just for good measure…
“…more women than men report that the fantasy of being forced to have sex is among their favorites.”
[https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/abs/cambridge-handbook-of-evolutionary-perspectives-on-sexual-psychology/sexual-fantasies/11D47F8CEBC615CB36EA134AEB51D803](https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/abs/cambridge-handbook-of-evolutionary-perspectives-on-sexual-psychology/sexual-fantasies/11D47F8CEBC615CB36EA134AEB51D803)
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All the best to you…
Have you thought more about why it bothers you? At the end of the day it’s just a thought, you’re not really a teen girl and he’s not actually taking advantage of you. You’re partaking in consensual sex with your husband, your thoughts don’t hurt anybody. Have you spoken to him about it?
You should feel no shame for this. It’s a fantasy. I’d even say embrace it, dress up in different outfits. Have him dirty talk to you.
Keep in mind that sexual fantasies are fiction and should be judged as such. It is OK to enjoy fiction where bad, even terrible, things happen. In most genres it’s practically a requirement. You probably don’t think that that little old ladies who enjoy reading crime novels secretly want to murder people (or be murdered themselves), or that they should be ashamed of themselves.
I wouldn’t worry about it . Sounds pretty normal to me.
Everybody have their own kinks. Don’t worry. I know people that imagine robots and aliens during sex.
DDLG role play. As long as it’s fantasy, it’s not hurting anyone. Just enjoy it in the moment, and accept you need more to spice up the sex life. I’ve actually had a partner just like this, and it was different to start with, but like I said, it wasn’t hurting anyone, and she got to work through some things. Way too many details to go into in public