So to sum it up I never really had regular friends. I could’ve sworn there were people like me. People who talked and had friends at school but went home and was alone. Turns out there’s not really as many as I thought there were. Everyone else has friends that they go out with whenever they want or at least my sisters do. I’ve been making generalizations based on the people I see on tiktok. I see them go out to parties and have fun. It makes me so jealous. The people at work are more exposed than I am and some are in high school. Literally all the high schoolers there smoke, and I always tell myself if I had friends I would’ve smoked once by now. I went out to my first party with some girls I knew when I first started working and it was like I entered another universe. I never knew people my age dressed that way. I didn’t know what to talk about or what to even do at a party. I went to their house after and that was the first time I’ve ever been to a friends house. I stopped talking to them after that and I think it was because I was so embarrassed. I don’t know what to do. I feel so socially inept and I don’t think I really *understand* people my age in a sense that I feel foreign. I don’t know how to fix this. I feel like I’m one of those people who were left out in the wilderness for too long and don’t know how to integrate into society anymore.