My (35m) wife (34f) is really fun in bed, but sometimes a little selfish. I like to “give” so for the most part I really don’t mind having someone who likes to receive.
I am by no means gifted in the stamina department, but every few times we have sex she’ll get to climax well before I do. She is not multi-orgasmic and is willing to stick around but loses interest mentally and physically soon after she’s done.
I get that and am the same way, which is why the other 80% of the time when I get there first I will try my damnedest not to finish. When it does happen I’ll go down on her or something, but giving that way is something I enjoy more than she does.
As far as I know she never holds back when she’s close and just lets it happen. There have been times when I’ve seen it coming and made a change to slow things down, and without fail it takes her down from a peak that she’ll never reach again during that session. I’ve been asked not to do that.
At this point she offers me whatever I want to do with her body. I don’t love this and will often choose to finish with my hand. The pressure of knowing there’s a deadline where it becomes physically uncomfortable for her makes any other option less fun.
A major problem with all of this is that she is cool with longer gaps between romps than I am. It’s usually a week or two before it happens again, am I’m basically dwelling on feeling shortchanged for the entire time. Over the next few days I oscillate from wanting sex because I’m horny to wanting sex because I’m frustrated that we haven’t had it. I have a history of turning sex into a chore for partners who once really liked it, and I never want to do that in this relationship.
We do talk about it but she feels like it’s always the same thing, which is me saying she’s doing something wrong or needs to change. I don’t know how to express my needs in a way that doesn’t come across like that. Help?
3 comments
This is happening 20% of the time per what you’ve said above. And it seems that if she puts off the orgasm then she loses it.
So would you rather her just not orgasm from PIV 20% of the time? Or does it seem like a strange hill to die on that 1 in 5 times she cums too fast and her body gets a little too sensitive ? You really feel short changed when you were still able to get off, as well? Just because it wasn’t exactly how you wanted it? With all due respect, I can see how you’ve turned sex into a chore for someone in the past.
Given the facts above, her not being able to orgasm if she edges (so changing positions or stopping isn’t an option) and it happening 20% of the time…. What would be your ideal outcome here? What would you prefer she do in these cases? (Genuine question)
Hmmm….? Ive never met a woman who wasn’t multi-orgasmic.
So 2 issues here, and my wife and I share them both. Until recently we had a system that worked, but now it’s broken and we don’t yet have a solution worked out.
Issue 1 is her libido being substantially lower than yours. That’s very often the case, especially if yours is very high, like mine. Assuming you are monogamous, the solution is to have the HL partner (most often the man) masturbate to fill the gap.
Issue 2 is her “one and done” orgasm, which means you don’t get to cum with her unless you get the timing very close. So only one person gets to cum, and it’s almost always her. You are understandably unhappy with only getting to cum once every month or two. And having her transition to dead starfish after her orgasm for you to cum isn’t appealing.
Our solutions to the “one and done” problem for nearly 40 years was either for me to get her off with head, then pounce on her and finish quickly, often with her getting off simultaneously (2nd orgasm) just before passing out, or for her get on top, and we could cum together, or very nearly so.
But somehow about 6 months ago, after getting my hormones and ED fixed, it now takes me a lot longer to cum. Maybe 10 minutes, I don’t know, because it hasn’t happened yet. Longer than she can stay conscious after an orgasm, also longer than she’s willing to go if she hasn’t had an orgasm (artifact of her newly low libido). We have not yet developed a workaround for that.
Maybe our formerly working solutions will work for you.
Good luck with this!