I’ve been with my boyfriend for a month. He asked me to be his girlfriend within the first week of us talking. My spidey senses thought it was off but I’ve never had a boyfriend before so thought fudge it might as well. In the beginning, he would call me constantly, text me, facetime me etc. He was very consistent with communication.
He even agreed to wait to have sex as I was a virgin. I had a feeling he was lovebombing me as it felt too good to be true. Eventually I let my guard down and we had sex. Even after this, he was still communicating with me well. About a week ago, we had a huge misunderstanding and I told him I wanted to end things. He really hurt me but I know I hurt him too. We also had other heavy things going on and since then he’s been distant with me. If I call him he won’t answer. He’ll say he’ll call me and doesn’t. He’s not frequent with texting and takes a while to respond now. We had plans for me to spend the night at his place and he came up with a lame excuse and fobbed me off.
Over the weekend, it seemed like he was coming back to his normal self so we decided to have a date night. We agreed a time and he ended up being over an hour late. I obviously left and when he arrived he was begging me to come back. I didn’t and I explained to him how he made me feel, told him we were done and hung up. He kept calling me and sending me texts begging me to forgive him. We eventually spoke and said we needed to work on our communication. I also told him our lack of communication makes me feel anxious at times. He said we’d do better.
Fast forward and he’s still very distant. It’s leaving me confused because he talks about our future together a lot. He offers ways to support me when I’m struggling. He’s very affectionate yet why do I feel like I’m being punished? I feel miserable and I want to end it but my mum says that’s just how guys are. Once they get you, they pull away. They don’t put in effort anymore. It’s been only a month and I feel lonelier than when I was single. A goodmorning text everday just isn’t enough.
I was going to block him so he can’t manipulate me into not breaking up with him for the third time but I feel that’s childish. I was browsing on hinge yesterday and I came across his flatmate who may or may not have seen me on there. At this rate, it is what it is. I’ve emotionally detached from the “relationship” but I guess I want someone to tell me I’m not crazy for feeling this way. I’m not usually anxious but I feel very insecure right now.
Any tips?
TLDR bf possibly love bombed me at the start of the relationship. Now he’s pulling away. Feel very miserable but have been advised to stick it out. Are relationships usually this tough at the start?
3 comments
You’re NOT crazy. This is NOT “just how guys are.” It’s common for things like communication and sex to level off a bit as the relationship matures (vs the beginning when it’s all new and exciting 🤪), but pulling away and ceasing to put effort in is NOT “normal.” You should never expect a relationship to make you happy, but it shouldn’t make you UNHAPPY. I’m getting a pretty manipulative vibe from what you’ve said. I would absolutely end it, and I definitely think you should block him. It’s not immature in this case; it’s cutting off his access to you so he can’t manipulate and confuse you.
>I told him I wanted to end things.
If you threaten to end a relationship over *anything* better be prepared to go through with it. The inconsistent behaviour on his part is because he doesn’t trust you any more. Kids playing with fire then complain when they get burnt. You’re both too immature for a relationship. You should take a long break before entering another one (not with this guy).
Run away. A lot of BRIGHT RED FLAGS. it shouldnt be this hard especially at the beginning. He loved bombed you and now he is trying to manipulate you. Unfortunately dont listen to your mom, there are men that show you the same amount of attention from the beginning to end. Block him and move on before he drags you along for play for years.