My ex moved a while back so we’ve been having and LDR since then. We both suffer from depression. Well, I’ve officially diagnosed, he hasn’t, but as someone who’s attracted the same kind of people as friends and going through it myself you can tell from just the smallest signs. The thing is I’m getting help, therapy and antidepressants, because I have good parents. He wasn’t so lucky in the draw, so even if he says anything it’ll just be brushed off.
Since about May he was pulling this stunt where he’d stop talking to me for weeks. A week at the very least when we normally talk basically everyday. It got worse when school started up again which I expected, but not to the degree it happened. At first I thought I did something (a part of me still thinks I did) but after a point I knew he was going through something. I kept asking but he refused to talk. A month ago he FINALLY texted me back telling me almost everything, but by that point my affection for him had really dwindled. I still cared of course and I knew if things went back to normal I’d feel the same way I felt before since I’m easy to sway. He could tell my feelings had changed too and was anticipating a break up. From the way he was talking it sounded like he wanted me to do it. There were times he’s suggested I break up with him because I deserve better but of course I didn’t. If anything I felt he deserved better than me.
I was mulling over it for a good 3 weeks. By the first week I knew that objectively it would make sense for me to break up with him. The other two was just me trying to prepare for it mentally. He just wasn’t trying. He wasn’t trying to talk to me, he kept trying to tell me to leave him for someone else, and any serious question I asked I got an “I don’t know”. Even when I asked him if he even loved me still. That didn’t even hurt the most really. The only thing he made clear to me was that he couldn’t guarantee to me is that he wouldn’t go silent again. That was when I knew in the back of my mind it just made sense logically to break up with him. I didn’t want to but neither of us were benefitting and I felt like I was the only one putting in any sort of effort.
I told him I’m breaking up eventually, but I say “breaking up” in the title because he has not responded since then. I don’t even know if he saw my text. Which I guess is just another reason to justify breaking up. Regardless, I still feel like I could’ve done more to help him. It sort of feels like one of those “Right person, wrong time” situations. I don’t know if it was the right person, but it definitely wasn’t the right time. I guess after a point he couldn’t mentally handle a relationship? I still worry about how he’s doing though and if he’s even still alive cuz he was really bad last we talked. I just know if I try to talk to him it’ll just be futile. I guess I just need confirmation I did the right thing for myself? It sounds really selfish to me though. (Sorry for such a long post to anyone that actually chose to read through all this. I guess I was holding more in than I thought).
TL;DR: My ex stopped talking to me, stopped putting effort into our relationship seemingly stemming from his depression so I broke up with him, but I feel like I could’ve helped him more and that my reason for breaking up was selfish because it was for me. To avoid being stuck in a relationship that was in limbo.
1 comment
I get that it might be tough but you don’t really owe him anything, no matter his condition you don’t really deserve to be treated like that and you aren’t his psychiatrist. Sounds like he needs professional help.
Most of the time when people have a lot of issues with themselves it will be hard to have a healthy relationship, not always but often I’d say.
Imo it’s good you decided on that instead of being miserable.
Been in a relationship for 4 years where we were about to move to a new apartment where I finally snapped and told her it’s not going to work. (had doubts for months but felt guilty to just leave her since she loves me so much and ‘didn’t’ do anything to me) I had my reasons and whatever reasons these are they are valid for you to leave a relationship. It’s tough as fk but its part of life and people will come and go, I’m definitely a happier guy now, not being so miserable in my toxic relationship.
It’s sad he can’t really get help but that’s no excuse to treat you like that and play games with your emotions.
Nothing he does will be your fault and I think there’s a point where you’d just need to carry on with your life if you can’t reach him in anyway or help his situation. Maybe you could talk with his parents or smth idk.
But don’t blame yourself it’s not selfish to take care of your own life.