Hello,
My wife and I have been married for 7 years now and have a 4 year old. My sex drive has historically been high (2-3/wk ideally) and my wife has had a low sex drive (typically willing to have sex 2-3/week but never the one initiating). I introduced a vibrator for her to use during sex to help her orgasm which has been great. I’d say we have a ~75 perfect success rate for her on average. She’ll try most of the time but she has admitted that orgasm isn’t a big deal for her but I’ll usually ask if she wants head or a hand before. I love it when she enjoys herself.
My wife is a great mom and an awesome person, I absolutely know she loves me. But, my wife is not at all intimate, and only is really ever “horny” for sex ~3 times a year. I would say that I’m a pretty sexually intimate guy, I enjoy kissing, foreplay, and working up to sex. My wife is the opposite, she does not enjoy kissing (a spit thing), does not typically enjoy foreplay, and would rather just lube up and turn on the vibrator.
What spurred me to seek advice (and I apologize for the curve ball here) is that I had recently been on a guys trip, we half jokingly went out to see strippers. (my wife has historically been fine with me going to strippers at prior bachelor parties), one of my buddies buys me a lap dance. In that 3 minutes and 30 seconds I have been more sexually intimate with a stranger than I have been with my wife in years.
My wife surprises me with one of these miraculous horny nights, awesome. I was about 30 seconds into giving head when our son flicks his light on, so after sorting him out we got back into bed and while willing to continue, she doesn’t want head anymore. No problem, I thought. No different than any other average night. ~several minutes in, if she hasn’t came, I’ll typically ask if she wants me to wait for her to finish and so I did. Her response was: I asked you to be quick 10 minutes ago and my heart just sunk. For maybe the second time in my life I went soft mid sex and immediately told her that I couldn’t continue. Knowing that her horn days are only 2-3 days a year I felt immediate disappointment.
How do I tell my wife that I felt more sexually and emotionally/intimately satisfied from a hands off 3 minute lap dance than I have in years? I would feel comfortable telling her about the strip club, but I feel like telling her about the lap dance might hurt.
Anyways, sorry for the essay. We’re usually pretty open about our relationship and big issues but I’m at a loss on how to bring this one up.
3 comments
Op for the love of God if you want to fix your relationship don’t mention the strippers that would be unbelievably stupid move and counterproductive to what you want aside from being unnecessarily cruel to your wife.
Instead sit her down and tell her you are not happy with your level of intimacy and why. Then ask if she is happy with your sexlife and intimacy and if there is anything you can do to make things better. Op you have to ask for what you want and you have to give your wife the space to answer. If you don’t ask you won’t get plus you will be beat yourself up trying everything to get the spark with her that she has 2-3 times a year when realistically it is out of your hands and your wife either doesn’t want to or has no interest.
Once you have that information you can either work on meeting each other’s needs or you can finally accept you are not sexually compatible and make some decisions about your future.
Don’t be cruel, come with concern, let her speak and listen. Most importantly ask for what you want but also be willing to compromise give her a chance to meet you in the middle if that is what she is willing to do. Just be prepared to get the answers you don’t want to hear.
Don’t want to come across brutal but your wife sounded like me in my past relationship.. I lost interest in him so didn’t want to have sex and wouldn’t be bothered if I ever had it again.. I’m now married to a man I can’t get enough dick from and he makes me cum all the time. Now couldn’t imagine a life without sex. I wouldn’t mind my ex going to a strip club.. my husband now..no way I’d hate it
Woman are mentally stimulated towards sex
Try and pay her compliments, tell her how sexy she is, caress her body.
Slowly do things she likes sexually amd build up to the orgasm
By here just for her and don’t care about yourself a few times
My wife and I have 3 kids, if the kids are stressing her out she can not get into the mood
Try washing some dishes or doing some chores, or take care of the kid a little
Sometimes it is not sex that turns a woman on, it is how she is treated l, amd respected