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anxiety. i try to put myself out there when I’m most confident
Honestly, my own anxiety and self doubt. I don’t go for goals because I’m worried I won’t reach them. Example: I’m worried about picking up extra shifts because I have panic attacks and I’m worried I’ll overwhelm myself.
I’m in therapy though and it’s going well 👍
Mental illness. All my energy is being used to survive rn.
Time. I feel like it’s so hard to put myself first. We have a daughter and she takes up a lot of time. I’m always so tired so I literally wake up when she does (around 7:30) and immediately start tending to her while my husband gets ready for work. I make her breakfast and get her ready for daycare before starting my own job. So I feel like I’m petal to the metal as soon as I open my eyes. I don’t shower enough, I don’t get dressed, I hardly take care of myself. I want to be put together and look nice. At least be clean most days. I feel like I don’t have time for me. I recently went on a 4 day trip with a few girlfriends and it was the best I’ve felt about myself in a LONG time. I was able to get myself ready, shower, put on makeup (which I never do). It was very refreshing to feel like me.
Myself hahah
honestly sometimes I feel its other people, but realistically I can only control myself so I would say myself
That no one would love me. I’m not really sure why, it’s not as if the women I want to be is bad. Still haven’t learned to get past that tbh.
Fear
I’m mad at everything
The laws of psychics
Money 🧍🏻♀️ and honestly, the will to stay in the same job to save enough to become who I want to be. As for steps, right now, I’m learning how to drive so I’d have more options on the job market, preferably far from home.
My people pleasing tendencies lol. I am working on it
being trapped in a capitalist nightmare
Consistency in my family’s routine is the biggest challenge. I am a mother of 4 and work full time and there is always something going on at home that puts a spammer in the works
The will to work out
Procrastination
Trauma. But I fight like hell everyday to be the woman I know I am anyway.
Money and medical conditions.
Rumination and trauma
self hatred. It flip flops. For the most part, I actually really like myself and who I am, and I know what I want and who I want to be very well. I am becoming her. It’s just those days or weeks that hit me, and suddenly I don’t like myself as much as I did yesterday. One thing changes, and my mind goes crazy. Like i don’t deserve love, i don’t deserve to eat, im ugly, im lazy, im worth nothing, etc. Which logically I know aren’t true, and I don’t believe those things about myself on a good day or week or month. It’s when things go bad that take me back to ground zero, and it’s so frustrating. I have to spend weeks or months building myself back up again, only for it to fall back down again. Over and over and over.
Chronic pain, depression, fatigue and frankly my own lack of discipline
Bending isn’t real and I wasn’t born the avatar
Lack of self esteem, lack of resources and time, lack of motivation.
Bread. I’m addicted. I have a consistent fitness routine but I turn weak at the first sight of pan sobao (chewy sweet bread).
What am I doing to stop it…
Nothing. 😂 I will run more though to balance it out on the days I do consume it.
Alcohol. But I’m racking up more and more sober days and seeing that things are going to be okay!
I seriously lack confidence. I also am extremely co dependent. I also think I’ve grown comfortable in my sadness and have let it take over my life. I’m lazy and use my depression as an excuse. So many things I wish I could change :/
Bitterness about the lies they tell us: That if we’re good, moral people who do the right thing and work hard, everything turn out great, you’ll be successful and loved by someone. It’s a lie. Some of us, no matter how hard we try, or how good we are, don’t get the gold star or the Prince, or the corner office. We just struggle, every day, getting more and more bitter and unhappy wondering why the lie didn’t work for us–while others put in minimal if no effort at all and come out on top shining like gold and smelling like roses.