How should a man respond to his brother threatening his fiance?

I feel like I shouldn’t marry a man who doesn’t care about my safety or a man who doesn’t have my back. Am I wrong to feel so strongly about this? It happened a couple of years ago, but I’m still mad. I never got an apology from either of them.

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Tl;dr

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I overheard my fiance’s brother say he was going to “run up on me” for waking him up with the light from my cell phone, which I didn’t do on purpose. He said it to my fiance and their friend. They thought I couldn’t hear him. They thought I was asleep in my bedroom. I looked up the meaning of “run up” on someone to ensure I wasn’t wrong. It is slang for quickly approaching someone with the intent of being violent. My fiance never spoke up for me. Not a word. Not only did a man threaten a woman in front of him, but a man threatened his fiance. My fiance later told me he “didn’t think it was a big deal” when I told him it contributed to my reconsidering whether I should marry him.

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After he threatened me, I gave it about an hour to think it over before confronting his brother. His excuse was, “I was telling a joke.” My fiance stayed silent. He knew it wasn’t a joke. I verbally stood up for myself with no support.

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Backstory:

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I agreed to let his alcoholic/drug-using brother live with us to help him out. After moving in, he acted as if I was in HIS house. He had his own room but decided to live in the living room.

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When I came home from work at night, I’d use the light on my phone to see when I came in the door, so I didn’t disturb him. I shouldn’t have done that, but I tended to be a pushover. I was restricted to staying in my bedroom so I wouldn’t disturb him. I couldn’t turn on a light switch until I got to my bedroom. I couldn’t clean up. I couldn’t make myself dinner after work. None of those things if I wanted to be polite and not disturb his sleep. He constantly had other people who didn’t pay bills sleeping on our other couch. He’d have people stay over to drink and get high multiple times a week. His boyfriend even lived with us bill-free for four months. Trash was left everywhere, food was left out all the time, etc.

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In retrospect, I wish I had handled it differently. I wish I had run up on him. I wish I wish I punched him in the face. I wish I had kicked him out. I wished I had kicked my fiance out the same night. I wish I had told his parents what he said and how their other son thought it was acceptable to hear his brother threaten a woman in front of him.

2 comments
  1. Calling off the wedding wouldn’t be a bad idea. If this is your place, kick the brother out. If it is your fiance’s place, then leave.

  2. I don’t understand why your fiancés brother is allowed to sleep in the living room or invite strangers to spend the night? First things first you should take your house back. He threatened you so he needs to leave. If it’s your fiancés place, you move out. You’ll be much happier.

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