I’ve been seeing this girl for the last month and we didn’t had sex until this weekend. But the sex part was kinda awkward. We were both nervous and I failed after 20-30 minutes. We also stayed in the same position during the whole time (because none of us took the initiative to change positions). And when I tried to talk to her about it later that night, I could tell that she felt embarassed when the subject was sex. But she also said that she enjoyed the time that she spent with me and that she was looking forward to hang out with me again.
She’s gonna come here again this weekend and I wanna make her feel comfortable to talk about what she likes in bed, what she doesn’t like etc. What is the best way to do that?
All my previous sex partners were very open-minded when it came to sex, so that’s my first time in this situation and I don’t wanna mess it up.
4 comments
you can’t make her do anything.
my approach would to let her take the lead, when she is ready, and open with things about sex she is comfortable with discussing. then build up from there.
maybe sex might be off the table while you help her figure things out.
There’s also nothing wrong with you taking the lead and just confirming “is this okay?”
For changing positions it can be as simple as “hey you wanna try being on top?”
You could just ask her if there’s anything she’d like to try to let her know you’re willing. Or you could start by telling her something you’d like to try and take the lead on being vulnerable.
Think of a friend who regularly does something dangerous and scary like Lion taming, or Wing Suiting. Lets say you’re generally open to it, but not there. How could they move you along?
For most of us, its not a conscious thing. Its a trust thing and that’s kind of magical for much connection as it takes. She thinks you’re hot, and likes how you make her feel, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she trusts you enough to open up an talk about things.