As the title says. We dated for almost four years. I (20) cut him (22M) off a couple weeks ago after we got into a pretty big argument where he told me he didn’t regret abusing me (physically/verbally). Come to find out he’s actually been cheating on me, and he started dating the other girl as soon as we cut things off.
I feel so empty and unlovable. I don’t know why I’m so angry, and why I feel like I want him back, even after everything. I feel like I am not only incapable of being loved, but of loving. What do I do?
10 comments
Bro isn’t worth anymore of your time. 4 years is nothing compared to the rest of your lifetime. Be your own number 1 supporter. Block his ass, find new hobbies/social groups, work on your own goals. You got this!!
You go to therapy. Commit to doing the work.
You’re not alone. Most victims of toxic, abusive relationships are practically chained to their abusers. Eventually, you’ll come to accept your ability to break things off as a huge stroke of luck, because that’s the hardest part of it all.
The guy didn’t want you and he already had a side chick in place to replace you (which is good news because hopefully it keeps him away from you). If by some awful misfortune you come crawling back to him, he’ll either reject you or take you in for more abuse. Then, how much more will you put up with? Will you be 25 when you leave for good? 30?
Regardless, you’ll be even more broken. Attend therapy, and know that you’re worth loving. Someone most definitely will recognize that, just make sure you’re in a better place emotionally when that time comes. Never talk to your abuser again please.
This post begs for counseling. You need to get help, as you are willing to take back a cheater and an abuser, clearly your value is not registering in your own life. Never ever tolerate abuse in the future, or you will find men who do this. It is how ala non people find alcoholics. It is dysfunctional and always ends badly.
If you need to talk to someone, feel free to text me… what can help you is to focus on the fact that he is a cheater. That he didn’t diserved your love. Focus on yourself. Go out, walk, get a coffee, sit on the bench, stay outside, talk to friends. Don t stay inside the house because you will lose your minds. Block him, go no contact. And also don t forgive him.
Because he left you in that state and went off with somebody else right away making him look like a catch. Victims often want their abusers back. It’s human psychology. But try to hold yourself togather and even if you are breaking apart don’t let him know. Stay far far away from him. Heal yourself. You will move on soon enough. Look forward. Move away from the past.
I exercised and walked alot in those days. Lost a lot of weight and slowly gained a lot of self respect. Also learnt to socialize more. Started loving anime. Started persuing a different career which is a lot better than the previous one I was after. Basically I was still me but became an upgraded version of me.
That situation is really sh*tty and you would probably benefit from therapy and talking through it with a professional. But also, don’t base all your worth on that relationship and your ex. Trying to get over a relationship like that isn’t easy and it’ll be hard, but it does get better and easier. Surround yourself with good people (family/friends) and make time for yourself to do things you enjoy.
Your ex was/is the problem here and you will be so much better off without him in the long run. Cut all ties with him and go and live your life.
You want him because rejection breeds obsession. Usually the person who gets dumped wants to get back together with the person who dumped them, even if they were considering breaking up themselves.
You need to give yourself some time to think. Time will heal your pain as cliche as it sounds. Forget the person you once love, if you have anything memorable about him items that you both brought it’s time to throw it away. His obviously never cared about you, a person who loves you never cheat on you. The person who cares about you would never do something that will hurt you. On top of that if he abused you and he never regrets does says a lot about him as a person. There is plenty of people out there, not only in your country as well. The world is so big to feel empty or unlovable. You need to start a journey of loving yourself first, afterwards you need to find something new that makes you who you are. Everyone is capable of loving and being loved it’s not depending on your personality, but if you want to do it. Find someone that matters to you, not someone like this. You will think back after a decade about this and thinks it’s funny. If you need any help my dm is open. Good luck on finding your self love journey!
He has been conditioning you into feeling like that. Getting away from an abusive partner is the BEST thing to do and you have done that. Well done.
It’s a shame he is now going to be someone else’s problem. But all you can do now is focus on yourself.
I would also go for STI tests too, as there may have been cross over when he cheated on you.
It’s time to love yourself, and take care of yourself.
I wish you all the luck.