I’m \[24M\] getting back on dating apps for the first time in a while. I feel ‘out of the habit’, and I’m really not having much success at all. I’ll match with women, start speaking to them, and have them not reply or even actually un-match me. I’m assuming this is because of something I’m doing if it’s happening so consistently, and I’m trying to find a common reason for it.
I am generally quite warm in my messages – this is how I am with everyone in my life, as I’m quite a warm and friendly person. I use exclamation marks and respond to things with a lot of enthusiasm. I guess this is because that’s generally the tone my ideal person would adopt with me. It feels very inauthentic to me to act detached and cool, with anyone, because that’s just not how I am.
I was wondering if maybe women might have a problem with this – if it would strike someone as insincere to have such an amicable tone with someone on a dating app? I’ve noticed that the women that do reply to me have been very cold and curt; one or two word answers, not asking me any follow-up questions or anything.
I decided to do an experiment and think ‘what would my best friend say’ before replying to someone. He’s very much a lothario and is very successful with women – he is also incredibly cool and has a very sardonic, dry sense of humor unlike me. I found that when I tried this approach I would generally get responses. It doesn’t make sense to me to act this way because there’s no way I could be like that in-person if it got to the point of a date, it’d make me feel icky to be that inauthentic.
It hasn’t really been an issue in the past. That said, I’m in a new city that has a reputation for people being mean / unfriendly, and I’m from a culture that is a bit more outgoing and nice. I also am noting that this may be something I’m completely inferring based on nothing, or maybe that I’m matching with the wrong people for some reason. I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on this, or any advice for what I should do. I’d be very appreciative!