My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and have been very sexually active up until now. We are both 19 and live together but he works a full time job and is tired when he comes home. On the weekends he’s always busy with other people or if we do spend time together it doesn’t get intimate. I also worked a full time job in the summer and our intimate life was not often because we were both tired. I think I just have a high libido right now because I sit at home all day and miss him a lot.
When we do have sex it’s always great but if I try to make a move the next day he always says, “we did it yesterday.” If we do it on a Monday and I try to make a move on a Friday he will turn me down and say “it’s only been a week.”
I have tried talking to him multiple times and asked if he is just not attracted to me anymore but he says he’s always tired. He will also say he needs time to “build up” which I get.
I’m starting to worry he just doesn’t like how I look. When I try to start something and he turns me down it makes me insecure. Before this past month he’s always been more interested. I have also gained weight since last year but he says I haven’t. Maybe he’s lying and that’s why I don’t know…
17 comments
nahh probably doesn’t want to as much. its fine. doesnt mean he loves you any less.
Men are not actually Fucktron 2000 units that only want sex 24/7/365. A guy that only wants sex once a week at age 19 is pretty unusual, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you – it means that he has low libido.
Now, if this has only been going on for a month, there may be an issue with him – depression, stress, fatigue, etc. All of these can impact libido.
Based on what I’m reading here, I think you’re unfairly making this all about you. I know it’s natural for women to blame ourselves because we think men should always be ready to go, but not every guy is like the stereotype.
Libido mismatch issues are very, very common in relationships. It’s normal for people to have different “recharge times” before they’re ready to have sex again. And it’s also normal for people to go through tough periods in their life when they’re less interested in sex. It’s a part of long term relationships.
You mentioned it’s only been like this for a month. If you think this libido issue is temporary (like he’s working on a big work project that is going to end soon and then life will return to normal), just be patient and ride it out. Make up the difference with solo sex.
Does he watch a lot of porn ????? That you know of.
That’s why I meet aomeone else for ssx
I have heard of guys watching to much porn and masturbate to often.
I can’t understand a 19yr old guy doesn’t want it all the time. I did and so did all my friends.
If it’s not good now it won’t get better.
Personally for me I work away from home only home 7 days out of every month first few days I’m home my girlfriend and I fuck every chance we get after those few days it’s kinda like ehh I just wanna relax I went from multiple times a day to maybe 5 times a month. Just woke up one day with a very low drive
If you need more sex to be happy in a relationship than he can give you then it may be time to break up whether he loves you or not. It’s not fair for one person to be constantly wanting something the other can’t provide for whatever reason. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything other than his libido has slowed down. If that’s all it is you can try and live like this but personally I couldn’t.
You might have mismatched sex drive which could be a problem long term. But since he said he likes a build up, maybe you should try doing little things to turn him on during the day. Send him pics/videos of you matsurbating, wearing sexy outfits, tell him you desire him, flirt, turn him on. Touch him and tease him but imply it’s all for later. Maybe tthings like that will help some 🙂
Sounds like he is just not as interested in having sex as you / low sex drive. Pretty normal.
It likely has zero to do with how you look. People are wired differently concerning libido, the desire and drive for sex. Not all guys want to fuck multiple times a day and some women can be more sexually driven then most guys. The trick is to be paired with someone having a libido that’s somewhat in the neighborhood of yours. As a practical matter, mismatched sexual interest/drive is a leading cause of relationship dysfunction and demise. It isn’t necessarily a problem you fix. People are wired the way they are and that has potential consequences when paring up with others.
I bet he doesn’t see an issue. He is fine with the frequency. Ask him
Then you will figure out his normal libido is not like yours. Ask him how much he thinks about sex?
Does he dream of having sex all weekend? Each night? I bet not like you.
Probably has zero to do with you. But you do need to think about if this is what you want in a relationship. Libido mismatch, if too extreme, can slowly kill a relationship.
I really feel you, I feel like I’m going through the same thing right now
im 51 and can still fool around after a full day of work. kids now days have no stamina
You mention sitting at home all day and missing him, can you find a hobby or part time job or something else to fill the time?
Also, how often do you have date nights or do anything special on the weekend? When my bf is overworked and turning down sex i see what other hierarchy of needs i can help him with to take some stress away.
It sounds like he really is just tired. Do you offer to ride him?
I wouldn’t be concerned. It’s happened to me. Sometimes I’m just soooo exhausted and would rather wait till I can actually perform well. It’s never been because of my partners.
But for what it’s worth, I work like 60 hours a week in construction, and those summer months are brutal for my libido.