Is the saying – “It will happen naturally one day! You’ll find someone when you least expect it!” Bullshit?

11 comments

1. Both things can be true. I think you can put yourself out there but the person for you may not be the one you expected or the timing isn’t what you thought. I think they say that to help manage expectations and not project

2. This is such a yes or no answer – which makes it impossible to give a solid answer to your q in retrospect. I’ve heard plenty of stories of ppl meeting in ways or places they did not expect. Or having such luck that its crazy they are where they are today… Of course you still got to be open minded – even if you are not actively looking for someone, but there is simply no single one answer since on the other hand a lot of ppl don’t get as lucky or have unexpected relationships develop.

   I will say however I disagree with what you said here: **”My belief is that you have to put yourself out there, otherwise nobody will know who you are.”** – I’m gonna be blunt and say that this is rubbish.. especially in today’s society. You could literally just be posting on ig looking good, w no intention of putting yourself out there.. and boom; someone slides in the DM or someone’s makes a flirty amount of likes/comments. Or for the in real life argument, like I said before; people meet others very unexpectedly… so it becomes hard to say simply yes or no your q – like for example; going out to have a couple of drinks w friends + some unknown mutuals, then you suddenly hit it off w one… next thing you know, your 5 dates in and about to be bf and gf. (Even if you had no intention of putting yourself out there in the 1st place… It can happen). – Granted that yes; you actively have to be mingling w ppl in some shape or form…whether it be work or going out for drinks w friends.. or even just daily life. (Putting yourself out there however should generally increase your chances. – No real bad downsides to doing so).

3. >Do you agree with me that this saying is completely bullshit?

   Well, if it happens 1% of the time its not complete bullshit.

   People get upset at this because it feels like lazy advice. And in most cases I’d agree.

   But the thing about cliche advice, is that theres a reason its cliche. At a very baseline level, its good advice. The idea is that forcing things doesnt work. Waking up everyday thinking I WILL FIND THE ONE TODAY could be more detrimental than it is helpful.

   So basically, you will find somebody thats great for you when you aren’t looking for it. Translation: its much harder to find somebody when you’re desperate to find it.

   Hope that makes sense.

4. i dont think so even a jew from 2000 years ago had to ask fishermen to join his group eventhough he was god in human flesh

5. I know people who are pretty much recluses and still get dates. I know people who are out most weekends and on numerous dating apps and still struggle.

   There’s no rhyme or reason to it all. If you make connections with people eventually something will happen even if you are not looking for it and a lot of it to a certain extent is luck.

6. I think it’s mostly bullshit because I think if you want it you have to put in some work for it and not just expect it to fall in your lap.

   I also think it *did* happen this way for a lot of people and they assume it’s like that for everyone else. And that it *can* happen this way as long as you are always open to giving someone a chance when you see that they are interested. It still takes work, you need to be self aware and ready to put the effort into this person when they show interest. Interest is Step 0, there’s a lot more to it after that. You just shouldnt count on this, because again if you want it, don’t wait around to see if it just happens.

7. No it’s not bullshit because it happened to me on one of the worse days of my life. At the end of that day I didn’t expect to come across someone so perfect for me, and have them actually like me.

8. Another one of those posts hating on generic advice given to internet strangers.

   It’s not bullshit advice just because it’s not happening for you (or not yet).

   Yes if you lock yourself in a basement and don’t interact with the outside world the love of your life won’t bust down the door in search for you. But that’s not what this is about.

   This advice is for people who are wearing themselves out trying to make love happen in the wrong ways when they might be better served taking a step back and focusing on themselves and improving their lives. Often times doing that makes the magic of connection more likely because people are attracted to those who are creating a better life for themselves rather than just desperately trying not to be alone.

   Saying this is NOT saying that you don’t have to put yourself out there either. You have to show up on peoples radar or you have to chance.

   My advice is to stop hating on the overly general advice and start looking for advice that applies to you.

9. Yes, total bullshit.

   All my life, whenever I’ve wanted sex or a relationship, I’ve had to go looking for it. Never, not even once, have I experienced it happening when I “least expect it.”

   I know exactly why this is. It’s because if I’m not looking for it, I’m not open to it.

   I think it does happen to some people who have a certain personality type and level of vulnerability to be open to things “just happening” in this way. I’m definitely not that type of person. I keep a lot of walls up. I have to be in certain moods to let people in, and I usually date when in those moods.

   During times I’m not dating, people can feel I’m closed off and mostly leave me alone.

10. I wonder if naturally was different before the internet. Maybe.. that advice was true before your “online” friends are different than your “irl” friends. It’s like.. there are so many different categories of friends that natural has subcategories and everything is complicated. If you live your life how you want to live it, then.. I think you’ll eventually attract someone but I do think the advice is outdated and bullshit now.

11. Happened to me 🤷‍♀️