We started this relationship saying we would be always be honest with each other even if it is brutal. This comparison, however, has left me feeling inadequate and not good enough. He thinks he is helping by telling me… he always tries to make me feel loved and says he would rather be with me than any girl who can have instant orgasms… yet I can’t shake the negative comment and I feel more self conscious and take much longer now than before.
How can I feel more confident with myself and not take so long achieving orgasm?
29 comments
My girl orgasms in 2 minutes from clit stimulation. Try that.
Ok, listen to me. YOU ARE NORMAL. If these stories are true they are outliers.
Less then 25% of women can cum from PIV alone, what’s the chances that your man got lucky enough to find all of them. More likely, they faked it because there’s lots of pressure to please a man, even by lying about orgasms.
But in the end, you need to tell him this does not help. It makes you feel bad and possibly might make you avoid sex with him because of the pressure from him.
I honestly don’t get the logic here. Why would he compare?
Edit: I also have to ask, how much pregame is there? Like touching, making out, etc, activities to get you worked up?
My girl takes a while to orgasm. Longer than any previous partner. But I like it because the pay off is much more intense for her. Plus it gives me time to go through a variety of filth before it’s concluded. I was never much of a fan of giving oral to women previously but have really gotten into it with my current partner. And recently discovered a tongue technique that can halve the time it takes to build up her orgasm. Just gotta keep exploring like intrepid adventurers until you find that holy grail. A real Indiana Jones type of deal. Including the whip of course. WAPISH!!
Yea. This sounds like he can be as frustrated as he wants, but he’s gotta step his game up. Looks like he’s gotta learn how to lick…I mean it just sounds like he needs higher effort level than “isn’t my dick enough?”
I’ve only ever had one partner that orgasmed from PiV. And it had to be in one specific position.
Since becoming informed about women’s orgasms, I don’t ever go for PiV orgasms. I go for ORGASMS! I try different things, and check for reactions. When I get positive feed back… I keep going. If the current tool I’m using starts to get tired, I switch tools. Throw in a couple questions here and there for good measure. Rinse, repeat until I find her orgasm!
hm mb he thinks its his fault and telling u this is him reassuring himself that its not his fault or smth
did u tell him abt this yet how it makes u feel when he says this?
I feel like he’s trying to make himself better by telling you that it’s your fault and that other women were so much easier to make come so it must be something wrong with you, not him that’s doing anything wrong. I don’t know, I hope he’s wonderful under every other aspect cause otherwise being a pos in bed would be a hard no for me. To conclude, maybe his stories are true, or maybe those women just faked it to get the pressure away from them
I think that in a relationship where you have agreed on radical honesty you can also make a request for your partner to completely drop a topic forever, and that’s what I’d recommend doing here.
Sit down and tell him that all women are different, you have always been this way and are a grown adult and know yourself and know that it isn’t going to change, him mentioning it is hurtful and not helpful, and you don’t want to hear him talk about it anymore.
Honestly he needs to stop with the comparisons. Yes there ARE women who orgasm from penetration alone – plenty of them on Reddit as it happens, from the answers I see, and they even say they don’t enjoy oral or fingers or anything so it’s not so out of the realm of possibility that he was previously with women like that.
But that’s the important part – he WAS with them, ie he is not with them now. And clearly their ability to orgasm from penetration wasn’t enough to keep the relationship going with them, was it? He is with you now, a DIFFERENT woman from any of his exes and he needs to appreciate that and part of that means learning how to pleasure your CURRENT partner. I am sure there are things he enjoys that your exes didn’t or things they did enjoy that he doesn’t like, and you have had to adapt your habits to suit him, am I right? I am speaking as a man btw, for what it’s worth. I say let him know, in the spirit of your mutual brutal honesty that the comparisons are annoying you and you don’t appreciate being told about them any more – because it’s not like you haven’t had to adjust to his unique tastes and likes now you are with him, so he needs to do the same – if he still won’t and continues to put you down like this then I would get out of the relationship as you don’t need to be made to feel broken for something that is simply a fact about you and your body.
He doesn’t understand the physiology of the human body and is using that as an excuse to shame you for being perfectly normal, because he’s too lazy to put in the work to get women off the ways women normally get off.
I would find it very hard to stay with a person who thought it was acceptable to behave that way.
You’re too old for this right? Partners should be able to tell the truth, yes, but there is absolutely no need to make people feel inadequate.
If you have been able to orgasm your whole life, he needs to up his game to set the right tone, make sure you are able to relax and put in some effort.
Lazily shoving your dick in and expecting fireworks is so 1950’s.
It’s up to you to decide if the whole package is an addition to your life, or a burden. You’ve about 30 more years to go, is this the way you want to spend them?
Your partner sounds manipulative and maybe gaslighting.
Brutal honesty is one thing. Debasing you and comparing you to “theoretical” past partners is simply not right and down right mean.
If every single women he has ever been with can orgasm from PiV alone, then he should really be playing the lottery more often. Or, is simply lying and/or exaggerating.
Either way, it’s rude and not loving at all.
(51F) NOT everyone can achieve O easily, and many fake it…so please BREATHE Hun! It’s difficult, but please believe me when I say “it’s not you”.
“You” are unique and have nothing to worry about as long as you don’t ever compare yourself to others or porn like some women do🤦♀️
Wishing you the best Hun❣️
You take your time. You deserve to cum when you want to.
I bet they were faking. All of them seems unlikely
My wife orgasms multiple times within 10 mins of initiating sex without any foreplay. Typically we go straight to PIV and she taps out after 10 mins and a few orgasms. I would love a woman who takes longer to orgasm especially if she enjoys the buildup. I prefer long sessions, lots of foreplay, edging, teasing, etc… You’re normal, just mismatched with your partners desires. If time wasn’t an issue, I’d spend 3-4 hours getting to the first O if that’s what it took. There’s so many different ways to enjoy sex.
I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, and surmise that he THOUGHT his past partners were having orgasms. But it’s highly unlikely. They faked it or he was mistaking passion for climaxes.There is no magic dick.
A good way to prevent your partner from coming is to tell them they take too long.
If he gains some patience and understands that most women ( like 80%) are like you, he will slow down. He needs to say, ‘It doesn’t matter how long it takes, honey’.
When you are comfortable and relaxed and not worried, you just might start finishing in a shorter time.
First of all, I am also brutally honest with my gf, but this does not mean to compare the SO to somebody else. Thats one of the worst feelings (my gf used to do this aswell)
Second: my response to the basic question “why are you not like others?” Is: “I am not others, I am me and you can either accept it or stop making this comparison”
Third: nothing is wrong with you
Fourth: you need to talk to your SO about what you could change in bed, like longer foreplay, more clitoral stimulation, you name it. You should at least talk about it and maybe he will just accept it, BUT talk about it until you come to an agreement
I wouldn’t be able to get over the ick feeling from that guy.
I’d rather date someone who enjoys a quest!
Read “come as you are”. Have him read it too. It talks all about this kind of thing and gives great advice not necessarily for coming quicker but for enjoying sex more which is the main goal I imagine.
This is extremely normal and worrying about it/having him give you a hard time about it will only exacerbate the situation.
Best of luck.
I am 55 and my wife is 52. When I was younger I thought my magic enormous dick would make any woman swoon and orgasm. My wife of 30 year has never orgasmed from penetration alone. Before my wife all had or faked it well. My wife needs clitoral stimulation and even then sometimes does not orgasm. I love her and don’t take it personally! Us men let shit get into our heads then over think it! Don’t let it get into your head as well.
Not every person is the same and definitely doesn’t respond the same. Full Stop.
That’s real sweet of him and I’m sure it’ll help you come easily and quickly. /s
Seriously, he should STFU and buy you a good vibrator. If he’s slept with so many women he should know they’re all different and ragging on them never helps.
Sounds like he’s been with a bunch of girls who have faked it
I’m not buying this claim by your boyfriend. Very few women have a clitoral orgasm via PIV sex. If you take longer to cum…he has to put in more time or use other means to do it.
Same start without him and guys do this thing I forget what’s it’s called they masturbate until almost cumming then don’t. I started doing that like almost everyday and reading sexual books etc. and it helps build me up. Because lord knows I cant usually cum from a piv. His exes definitely faked it to make it stop lol
Most of the women I had sex with could not achieve orgasm by penetration only. It’s not cool to compare you with others cause everyone is unique. He might just not know how to explore your sensitive parts of your body yet. Please be confident and if he could not accept your differences. You don’t need to tolerate this!
Grow your confidence by being on your own. It’s not ok that he said that.
that’s just fucked up. sex is about being open and honest, and things you do or don’t like. it’s not a space to tear eachother down and say lingering comments that haunt you in the back of your mind.
if your boyfriend genuinely cared about pleasing you, he wouldn’t care how long it takes nor would he consider the past sexual encounters he’s had.