I have a problem, it happens to me regularly with people I don’t trust at all or strangers, when they ask me things or talk to me my brain answers with the first thing that comes around my mind and sometimes I don’t even want to say the things I say and as an introvert and shy person I can’t tell people I wanted to say something different or correct myself in front of other people.
I don’t know why it happens that, but I HATE this, I’m getting sick of this, I always think before answering to someone “be prepared and think what you going to say” but as I am a nervous person I can’t decide to wait before answering.
An example: someone asks me something and in less than a second after this person ended his/her question I answer the first thing I think without analyzing what I want to say or if my answer could hurt or be misunderstood.
Could you help me with some advice please? I would thank you a lot
2 comments
TLDR: Stop hating yourself for it. Understand why you’re doing this. Have physical reminders. Be patient.
​
I used to make weird comments in groups without thinking and I felt they got annoyed because I continued saying things that I later realized had no value. Eg: Someone would feel bad about something and I’d almost instantly make a joke about it without giving it much thought. I too always kept telling myself “don’t say anything uncalled for, speak less” and hated myself after failing to do so.
What helped me was a lot of journaling and reflection. I asked myself why I kept doing this and I think it’s because I felt jealous that my friend groups were closer to each other. I hoped that if I just spoke more and made more jokes, people would like me. It took me a few months to get comfortable with myself and stop seeking validation from others. During my biggest “growth phase” I met these friend groups as little as possible to prevent myself from falling back.
I also used physical reminders. This might be cheesy, but I wrote “Think more. Speak less” and “Speak consciously” on my wall. Every time I looked at it, I was reminded.
I’m not perfect, but my weird comments have reduced significantly. I’m much quieter than I was before, but I’m much more at peace with myself. And when I do make weird comments, I don’t hate myself for it. I instantly realize and internally cool down before speaking up again.
​
Enjoy the journey. Good luck :))
There’s nothing wrong with you for being quick on your feet, it just won’t always work in your favor.
My advice is pretty simple, if you’re nervous or feel like you’re only talking to impress the recipient, don’t. Slow down, take a good 5 seconds to think, then speak.