Responding to hurtful – but true – comments about your failure in life

32 comments

1. You don’t need to respond.

   > you want to have something to say instead of staying quiet and passively shrugging it off.

   What do you hope to achieve by responding?

2. If he feels the need to point that out to you, hes not happy in his success or he has a character defect, either way, pity him and focus on finding joy far away from this person.

3. You can respond “you’re very sweet to say so.”

4. If anyone ever says that – they’re not a happy person.

   Happy people don’t need to put others down.

   You don’t need to respond, just walk away.

5. “Luckily I don’t give a fuck about your opinion.”

6. Success is not linear. There is no 1 way to be successful. Somebody might be cash rich, but love poor, or vice versa. To some people, success just means being content.

7. If you feel you need to respond, say: “Why would you say such an awful thing to someone? Does saying that kind of stuff make you happy”

   Anyone who says something like that to you must be really hateful, and probably hates themselves too. (Unless, they say it when they are angry at you for a really good reason, like maybe you ran over their dog. In which case, you should probably just get away from them.)

8. “… and we’ll both be dead and forgotten in a few decades, isn’t that funny?”

9. My question for you is … Why do you think you’ve failed at life?

   PS: Simple answer you can give in that circumstance is a very calm “I don’t think so”, then let them self-immolate.

10. I bet you haven’t failed. This life is pretty hard and even if you try your best and are morally upright, people still often have to experience tragedy and hardship.

    Some people are just assholes, but I bet this person could be picked apart and their insecurities exposed. No one is invincible.

11. Remember, nobody is keeping score and comparison mm is the antidote to happiness.

    As mentioned in a previous post, it sounds like someone is trying to belittle you and it’s generally to make themselves feel better about their own miserable existence.

    If you are really feeling hung up about it – use it as a driver to start improving your life, for yourself – not for anyone else.

    Be good my dude.

12. it is what it is.

13. “Your Mother is a failure at life!”

    What metric are your measuring yourself against?

14. Why do you think they’re successful? Why do you say you aren’t?

15. “Loser” isn’t a fact, it’s an opinion. Expressing that opinion was not an observation, it was an attack. People attack you like that to provoke a response. “Staying quiet” is the DGAF response, the one that shows you can’t be baited into saying or doing something even worse. You’re not being passive, you’re being strong.

    Raise an eyebrow or give him that flat “mmm-hmm” that says “I heard you” but otherwise don’t feed the trolls.

    EDIT: worth mentioning that *actually successful people don’t talk like that.*

16. Well, I’ve certainly heard worse from better

17. Tell him the jerk store called and they are running out of him

18. “Who’s life is better because you said that?”

19. What other folks are saying – happy people don’t need to put others down. This person has issues

    “I’m probably better off not being a jerk like you”

20. Someone very close to me isn’t at the best place in their lives. I would say I’m more “successful” then them but I would never EVER say something like that to that person. Im not insecure and I’m also not unhappy. Only insecure and people who hate themselves say shit like that. How can you fail at life when life for some people doesn’t even begin after 50?

21. I have a brother in law that is very successful financially, but I swear, he is the most miserable person I have ever met. Going out to dinner with him is unbearable. Constantly whining and complaining about everything.

22. When I compare myself to my brother who makes $2million a year, I feel like a failure every time.

    However, in the grand scheme of things, I am pretty well off. I will never be as successful as some people, and it’s important to come to grips with that.

    Being happy/content with your life is important. You can have whatever idea of success you want. Don’t compare yourself to others.

    You don’t need to respond to people who say things like this; they aren’t worth your breath.

23. It depends on the context and social dynamics. To be honest I’ve stopped being passive with people like that and I become aggressive. I may get angry, I may point out certain negative aspects about that person, I may even try to make him a butt of some joke. My goal -at this moment- is to make them regret stepping on my toes, and make them hesitant next time they think about doing it again.

    It’s not perfect, and I don’t always succeed, but I’ve come to the realization that life isn’t all rosey and some problems can’t be solved by being nice. Some people will just continue to eat away at your self-esteem if you don’t stop them.

    I hope my comment helps, best of luck on your journey my friend.

24. Failing at life is a matter of perspective. I spent 12* years in university and have a doctorate degree. The most successful people IMO are those living a happy life who get to be creative. It has nothing to do with accomplishments or degrees or anything.

    Find your own happiness and don’t spend any energy worrying about judgement from others.

25. >How to respond to a very successful person calling you “a loser who failed at life”?

    “Is that what you’re built on? A hastily constructed and teetering scaffold of other people’s failure? How terrifying that must be for you to look down at the swirling waters below, those below drowning with cries for help while you cling to thin threads holding you precariously above the waves. I am a failure at this point, but by my own judgement. I have the self awareness to know where I made mistakes, and I’m charting a path forward that I hope will lead me to be more successful. What separates us is that I’m not fueled by judgement or comparison with others. I know the race was never with you, but with a better version of myself. I feel pity for you. In time, you’re going to meet others that are much much more successful than you are. They are going to look at what you’ve accomplished and find you wanting. For all your career success, they’d be repulsed by the ugliness of your character. They’re going to see you for what you are and they’ll have the tact to keep that opinion to themselves. You’ll continue on on the world unaware that your betters know what you are and want nothing to do with you.”

26. It would depend on the context.

    Most likely it’s from a place of jealously but it could also be tough love to try an inspire you. Can’t really tell from your limited details.

27. You don’t lose living your own life.

28. This situation / relationship sounds a lot more complex than just this comment.

    You might want to get to the bottom of that first…

29. I’ve used a variation of this on people who mainly resort to body shaming or bullying on people for their plainness, or disfigurements.

    “There is not enough success in this world that can hide the kind of ugly you are.”

30. “Any fool can criticize, most do” – Dale Carnegie

31. I’m guessing there is a lot more to the conversation that you’re leaving out…

32. its not going to be happy. but you know any response wont do anything good. so i just walk away