I have urolagnia. Its bad to the point of complete dependence on at least the thought of a man peeing in order for me to achieve orgasm. The problem is that my fiancé is incontinent and has deep feelings of shame around his condition. I try to be as supportive and compassionate as possible, but I feel so revolted by myself for being aroused to the point that its almost all I can focus on while he’s clearly in emotional distress. Whenever I’m masturbating by myself or with him (we’re in a long distance relationship) I can’t help but think about him having an accident and I feel so guilty for how much it arouses me and the fact that it’s the thought of what is to him his most embarrassing moments that push me over the edge. I’ve talked to him about all of this and he says he’s fine with it, but I still feel so much shame for enjoying these things. I feel like I’m fetishizing him and I don’t know what to do. I used to use porn as a way to alleviate both sexual tension and my feelings around my desires as it made me feel more normal, but recently my fiancé revealed that he is uncomfortable with me watching porn. I understand this as he is a recovered porn addict and has many issues with his body image and I want to respect him but now that my main outlet for my desires is no longer an option I feel so ashamed. I have a much higher libido than my fiancé so going to him every time I need a release would put too much stress on him and I just can’t put that kind of pressure on him. I feel disgusting because of this and don’t know how to handle my feelings. How do I learn to accept myself?
1 comment
i’m going to assume you care about him as a person, so you’re not fetishizing him (if you were you’d probably not be worried about doing it, either). you just happen to be attracted to a a condition he happens to have; lots of people are into similar, too. you’re not hurting anyone, especially not by fantasizing. and he’s said he’s ok with it– do you feel like you can’t trust that, or is it just that you’re conflicted about your feelings?
have you tried talking to him about this in more detail; would he be willing to do that?
you don’t necessarily need to involve him every time you want to get off, either– would he be willing to make any sort of content for you, or could you just fantasize, or even write out your desires as erotica?