Wife got too drunk during company trip

42 comments

1. Goggle translate for the parts that are in Filipino:

   >My wife works for a well-known insurance company and goes to a lot of out of town trips as their incentive. She doesn’t really drink and only does it for socializing purposes. One time after a trip she told me she got too drunk and one of her workmates (a guy) carried her because she was too drunk. I got really bothered hearing that and felt disrespected as a man and husband.

   >I felt really hurt and tried to just let it pass for the sake of avoiding a fight because we are ok. Then recently she was mad for me being too drunk (this only happened once) at home after drinking with some neighbors (we live in a very small subdivision and I only drank next door) and she didn’t want me to stop so I blurted out “eh It’s you, which guy picked you up because you were DRUNK and you were still in a far place!”. She immediately got quiet. We have our 2 kids and nanny in the car when that happened and she said she was embarrassed. My repressed anger came out and I replied “that’s why you’re ashamed, because what you did was WRONG”.

   >I realized I am still not over it knowing some other guy put their hands on my wife. Did it have malice or not? I certainly wouldn’t know but I really hate the idea that it happened and it’s eating me from the inside. It’s been 3 days and I have been avoiding her in the house to the point that I am now sleeping in the kids room just so that I don’t see her.

   >I am still angry and I might say more harsh things to her. She is the type of person you wouldn’t imagine cheating on her husband. She’s far from being a “flirty” type, it’s even the opposite. Reddit folks, what are your thoughts on this and what do you think I should do?

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3. Look bro, your wife was in a compromised situation and thank goodness someone was there to help. If she’s drowning in the ocean and the lifeguard is a man, is it a problem if she gets rescued?

   I recognize how you feel anyways man. It’s normal for your position. Is there something deeper here that you are nervous to address? Failed protector role perhaps?

   Keep the faith brother. Trust your wife. Lean into each other and build yourselves up.

   Thank you for sharing.

4. You need to get over it.

5. I think you both need to be more responsible with alcohol.

6. [removed]

7. What does she say about the incident? Does she understand why you are upset?

8. I think you need to cool your shit and get control of yourself. Don’t fight in front of your kids or your Nanny. It sounds like nothing horrible happened.

9. Lol dude where are your priorities? You’d rather your wife end up in the drunk tank or an alley instead of someone helping her home? Grow up.

10. I agree with everyone saying it’s good this dude helped her but.. where are her work friends? I have several women I’m close to at work who would’ve helped me first BUT just don’t get shit faced at work events 😅 it’s not cute

11. I know this is a very hard scenario, and I think your feelings are valid. As someone who is married to someone who represses their feelings yet I am one to bring up my feelings in the moment, it is really hurtful and blind sides me when my husband comes back with “yeah but you did xyz two months ago!” and I had no idea his feelings about it. You can be upset about her drinking too much, and she can also be upset with you for drinking too much. Just because you held in your feelings doesn’t mean she should, and that you can clobber her with your hidden feelings when she expresses hers. It would be better in the future for you to tell her your feelings as soon as you have them so you can be heard, she can understand the impact of her actions, and you can both resolve it then.

12. Thank goodness your wife’s coworker assisted her & made sure she was ok & in a safe place. Just so happens that person happens to have a 🍆. You need to check yourself honestly.

    The other arguing is a unhealthy separate issue. You need to let this aspect of your anger go.

13. Stop drinking ask her to stop and go to couples counseling.

14. Both of you need to be careful with alcohol and if you’re angry talk to her in a sit down adult manner. That said, she got too drunk, clearly you do too. If she was so drunk she couldn’t walk why not be glad someone was there to help her. This ‘disrespected as a man’ nonsense is way too misogynistic in this day and age. She knows she made a mistake, don’t be petty in front of her employee and the children. If you have hurt feelings tell her that and again, talk it through. You say she’s not someone who would cheat so what’s the real issue here?

15. My husband has carried me in his arms a couple times thinking it would be romantic after I’d fallen asleep on the couch.

    It’s the least romantic thing I’ve ever experienced. There’s a real fear of being dropped, it hurts because it’s terrible for weight distribution, I was holding on, but couldn’t get a good grip.

    Throwing someone over your shoulder fireman style is much more effective, and equally unsexy. No guy wants to carry his drunk coworker unless he’s a predator.

    If you’re feeling insecure because you’ve never carried your wife, ask if you can carry her. You’ll both quickly realize that it sucks.

16. sounds like both of you need to avoid alcohol since you can’t control yourselves when drinking. you are just as much to blame as her.

17. That coworker was kind and took care of your drunk wife. Would you have preferred he left her to find her way back alone just so you didn’t feel upset that someone’s body touched your wife’s body? Are you for real? Leave her to fend for herself while inebriated and at risk over caring for her safety? Not all men are trying to score. Some are actually caring and kind. Who would have thought!

    You both need to not drink if this is what happens when you do.

18. Booze is not for you 2

19. There’s an old saying in management that goes “praise in public, punish in private.”

    That means when you have good things to say to someone, do it where anyone and everyone can hear. But when you need to have a conversation or speak about something that wasn’t good, only do that in private. This works with kids, spouses and people at work. Dressing someone down in front of others always makes them resentful and they probably don’t respect you any more.

    When you yelled at her about her too drunk incident, were you thinking that would correct anything at all by including the kids and the sitter? What it did was build resentment and stiffen her resolve to not trust you. It was a poor decision on your part.

    Let me tell you about a corporate trip I took with a female colleague. We were with a group, having cocktails and dinner the night before a meeting, all was fine. She’s a smaller woman and as we were walking back to the hotel, I heard a thud and she was on the ground, tripped over something or too hammered. And she was suddenly way more drunk–it caught up with her. I helped her up and basically carried her back to her room and got her in and left. I’m a gentleman and wouldn’t even thing of taking advantage of this situation. I never said a word about it to her or anyone else. And I kinda think that’s what happened here. I’m thinking this guy did you and her a favor. Disrespected? Because someone helped her? And you’ve got it in your mind that she needs to be punished so you’re laying into it hard. Did she make a mistake and have too much? Sure. Did someone help her in your absence? Yep. Had you never said a word, do you think she’d do it again? Nope.

    I think your anger is terribly misplaced and self-serving. And you’ve doubled down on “punishing” her with [the silent treatment](https://www.heysigmund.com/the-silent-treatment/) to hurt her even more. To be honest, what you’re doing is far worse. You’re supposed to give kindness and support to your spouse when she’s transparent with you. Next time anything bad happens of any kind, she’s not going to want to tell you because she can’t trust you.

20. IMO this is a fairly “normal” fight to have in a relationship as long as it doesn’t happen too often. It’s OK to feel jealous at the thought of another man carrying your wife – even with good intentions. Hypocrisy aside, it’s also OK for her to be concerned about you being too drunk around neighbors. I don’t think you should worry too much and if you play it well, you might both laugh about this sooner than later. I suggest you get drunk and silly together for a change 😉 😉

21. Getting drunk at a work event and having a coworker look out for your wife and getting to drunk in front of friends, family and kids while getting angry at your wife are two very different things

22. The dude helped your wife out…THEY DID NOTHING WRONG

    She got carried away and drank to much, be thankful someone helped her instead of something bad happening

    Chill TF out, you are the one IMO in the wrong here, control your anger

23. OP, I think there’s more to this story. I think there’s some resentment building up that I see in a lot of others whose marriages crumbled due to an oft traveling partner.

    If I was at home taking care of OUR children and cleaning up OUR house while my wife was out getting drunk literally off of her ass with her coworkers, I would definitely start building some resentment, too. Toss in there some other guy “carrying” her somewhere because she couldn’t control her liquor and that’s a recipe for extreme bitterness.

    I think you two need to be brutally honest about all of this. Maybe she needs to quit drinking on work trips. Maybe the work trips need to take a backseat for a while or something all together if possible, but who knows. All you can do is try to tackle this together if you are both actually willing.

    Communicate before the resentment rears it’s ugly head again and ends things for good next time.

24. As an adult and a professional, one should never get “too drunk” at a work setting. As for this incident, there does not appear to be evidence of hanky panky – sounds like her colleague was just trying to be helpful.

    If I were you, this male colleague trying to be helpful would not be the focus of my concern, the focus should be on your wife’s unprofessional behaviors of getting “too drunk”. My company just fired someone for being overly intoxicated and acting inappropriately at a work function.

25. I mean, you’re totally coming at this from the wrong place.

    Your wife got too drunk. That’s embarrassing. It’s sloppy and doesn’t look good. I’m in the insurance industry though and this is common at conferences and other work trips. There’s always at least one person that gets sloppy.

    I think you should get over the irrational aspect of your wife being touched by a man. You clearly don’t know how often men find excuses to touch us- hand on the back when in a crowd is a common move. There was no implication of infidelity and your wife was honest with you. If you want her to continue to be honest with you, you’re going to need to chill out.

    She also needs to take responsibility for over drinking, recognize the vulnerable position she was in, and apologize for that. And then you both need to get over it, and she needs to see a doctor about social anxiety if that’s why she drinks to excess at parties, or look for other coping skills (soda water with lime in between alcoholic beverages for example)

26. I would probably be thankful someone respected her and took her to a safe places vs leaving her. Especially since you say this is an insulated incident and she doesn’t typically get drunk. And you say she is trustworthy

27. My husband is absolutely the type of person who would help a drunk coworker to her room.

    At no point would I be angry at him for having his hands on another woman for that reason because of my insecure jealousy.

    If your wife came out with “I got too drunk and got handsy with a coworker” *then* you can be pissed and fight about infidelity. But someone helping her to her room and nothing coming of it? I see no reason to act so angry. Upset that she got that drunk on a work trip, sure. But not because another man touched your ~~property~~ wife.

    Talk about the drinking. There are plenty of reasons for her to *not* get shitfaced at a work event, a lot of them having to do with her own personal safety, others with her representing her company and being drunk could cause a huge problem that causes her to lose her job.

    But another man helping her to her room is not cheating. Focus on the drinking. You both need to cut back because there is no reason for either of you to drink to the point of inebriation.

28. You both need to get it together when it comes to alcohol. Especially since you have a nanny so you have a child too im assuming. Shes a grown woman not a teenager at a house party experiencing alcohol for the first time. Have some self control. I’d be angry too because then you put yourself in the situation for something to happen. Yes it’s fantastic that nothing happened and there was someone to help her, but she could have easily been hurt, also your inhibitions are decreased with alcohol sooo… probably not a good idea for another man to carry a drunk married woman to her bed.

    On top of all of this, marriage is a partnership and putting your professional reputation on the line by being a sloppy drunk at a work event is just disappointing.

    NOW with all that being said… you are married and she is human, which means she is imperfect as are you. Hopefully what comes from the situation is growth and understanding. Express your opinions with grace no need to demean or yell, communicate! Otherwise there will be resentment and she is going to feel like you are controlling

29. Dude you need to chill. Would you prefer her coworkers left her passed out somewhere?

30. You both need to stop drinking. Clearly, neither of you holds it well and then you throw it in each other’s faces. What purpose does this serve?

31. Both of y’all need to learn to handle your alcohol much better.

    If you get so drunk on a work trip that someone has to carry you home, then you need to get your shit together. Likewise, if you get so drunk that your kneejerk response is to insult your spouse by airing dirty laundry in front kids, nanny, and neighbors, then you need to get your shit together.

32. Hiding from your wife isn’t the answer. Both of you guys sound like you are not very good and handling alcohol either. I think the bigger issue with your wife’s work trip was she got so plastered in a strange place that someone had to carry her to her room. If you ask me it just sounds like the dude was trying to help your wife out. I get the hypocrisy angle with her giving you shit about drinking with the neighbors, but both you and her should realize it isn’t a good idea to get into stuff like that in the car with your kids and a nanny. Are you guys getting hammered so much as a coping mechanism for something?

33. Both are being dumb since your asking. If you trust her let that shit go. You say a man put his hands on her. That sounds like he was ruffing her up. He helped her get over it already. She also should do the same. Both are being very petty. Unless one of ya did something wrong then what are ya fighting about. If that’s your biggest problem congrats on your marriage. MOVE ON and stop the silent treatment.

34. 1) Stop drinking alchohol. Theres nth good about it. There are many happy marriages and families who nvr drink in their LIFE. So drop it

    2) instead of avoiding her, talk to her in private. Sit her down and apologize for snapping. But explain why u did so, as she was nagging at you infront of the kids and nanny. Thats disrespectful. Make sure she apologizes to you as well, its a 2 way street. If she doesnt apologize when you do, she’s not sorry. Then theres a deeper issue.

    3) When u talk to her, explain why this is eatng u from the inside. That a man CARRIED your wife. Who knows what happened after. I dont mean to plant doubts into your mind but, drunk people are rarely logical.

    4) ask her seriously, did anything else happened the night she was drunk? Whatever she answers, tell her i truly trust you. But if smth happened, pls tell me as its not fair to me as your husband.

    After all this, you guys should be fine. More communication pls, and have these talks in private from now on. And stop disrespecting each other infront of other people (especially her to you)

35. The “as a man” thing is really interesting. Your main concern isn’t her safety, health, or impact on her career. It’s you. How someone merely touching a woman who is married to you is somehow a blow to your manhood.

36. **About her:** Getting drunk is ridiculous on its own. End of story.

    **About you:** She didn’t forgo her vows; she got intoxicated. End of story. Be grateful someone helped her.

37. I think you’re worried about nothing. She got too drunk and she got home safely.

    Is this like the first time either of you have ever been drunk or something?

    My take on this is that you’ve made a mountain out of a molehill. You worried excessively about her trip, kept it bottled up, then she also brought an unnecessary amount of attention to a time when you got drunk and now you both are taking turns lashing out. It’s a downward spiral about something that doesn’t matter.

    Tell her what your actual feelings about the trip we’re and explain that’s why you got sensitive and blew up. Both of you should apologize. You weren’t being forthcoming and she was harping on. People accidentally drink too much sometimes. No need to call the FBI.

38. >I realized I am still not over it knowing some other guy put their hands on my wife.

    Jesus Christ dude. She was drunk and someone helped her out. This isn’t cheating, this isn’t someone “putting hands on your wife”, this is just someone helping her out. A marriage cannot work if there is so little trust between spice.

    You both need to learn how to drink responsibly.

39. I think you need to not use stonewalling as your technique to making your relationship better.

    You need to sit down with one another and talk about what happened and your expectations of one another and come to some sort of agreement. Perhaps you are both wrong. You won’t know by avoiding the conversation and if you approach it calmly, and express that your anger may be a combination of things (just as hers may be). Maybe it masks insecurity, sadness, shock… it can be a range of things, but you must sit together and think about it and listen to what the other has to say.

    That’s what marriage is. I’ve never known alcohol to be beneficial to any couple in the grand scheme of anything.

40. Op you keep using this “yapping” word. You also majorly downplay your own potential wrongdoing. Definitely not presenting an unbiased point of view and seem to want to absolve yourself of responsibility. Doesn’t really seem like you respect your wife. I’d get to the root of these issues if you want to keep your relationship.

41. Why did she say only one time? Or did someone see him coming out of her room and she gave you the excuse he helped whilst she got drunk her only ever occassion? REALLY! She told you because she had to have a cover story!

    It’s the ones you least expect so dig a little deeper you find a minefield!

    Just remember these are regular company do’s with there own rooms so why was this the first one and only time she got drunk? Why aren’t spouses invited like you as well if they have there own rooms?

42. Tons of copium in the comments. I’d be angry too.