First year college student here… and yeah I’m struggling. I’m not short or ugly. My friends here at college acted shocked when they found out I’m a virgin cause according to them I’m tall and handsome. Their words not mine. While I don’t agree about being handsome I’m definitely at least a little above average in terms of looks. One little problem: I have debilitating social anxiety. It’s alright around my friends but unbearable with girls. I also definitely give off creepy/weirdo vibes. I probably have some sort of autism or I’m at least very socially inept.
I’m the only virgin in my friend group, and all my friends except one here at college have gf’s or at least a long list of girls from high school they know they could fuck. So they never do any activities where we involve girls or even get to meet new people. I’ve met everyone I know here at college in the first month and now it’s over there’s no window to meet people, everyone’s in their own groups and that’s it.
We technically have one female friend that everyone in my group is chill with and I like her as a friend. But that’s about it.
So how am I supposed to ever find a girlfriend if I can’t even meet girls.
And I know people are going to say shit like your goal shouldn’t be to get a gf, but at this point people are starting to think I’m a weirdo and my parents keep asking my why I still don’t have a gf. It’s not normal to have gone 18 years in life and not having an so and everyone knows it. It’s only natural at this age that I want a female partner I could grow close with and have sex with. If it doesn’t happen here in college than it’s not ever happening and that’s a fact.
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you’re not alone. i’m 19 and have never been in a relationship or lost it. i dont really care anymore tbh it doesnt bother me. dont let peer pressure affect you, maybe you need new friends
The more you do it the easier it gets. So talk to as many girls as you can. Here are few suggestions that will make this possible:
-join a frat
-go to parties
-go to bars
-find a part time job that employs many students
-dating apps
It’s gonna definitely feel uncomfortable at first but just give it time.
Me, being single since 21 and just recently I started to date a guy and he’s such a sweetheart (fun fact: he’s virgin but because he’s asexual and I’m also a virgin but because I’d like to wait until I’m ready for it)
What I did to finally date someone?: Literally, nothing, i didn’t search for cute boys around campus, i just sat on my own looking at my phone because i don’t have friends at all and then i just saw him walking by with a backpack of my favorite videogame and i complimented his backpack and surprisingly for me we started a conversation, yes, i have anxiety too and i was like “just a compliment and that’s it, please God i hope he doesn’t pretend I’m invisible” and i also posted here asking for advice about dating but then deleted it lol
You don’t have to pressure yourself, you have to be yourself even if you think it’s gonna be impossible for you, you’ll meet a girl but you have to stop pressuring yourself for it
>It’s not normal to have gone 18 years in life and not having an so and everyone knows it.
whoever told you that was an idiot. It’s perfectly normal
college is a great time to meet people. Some of them women. Be friendly to everyone and if you feel any sparks you can act on them, but don’t try to force anything
especially not because you think you’re ‘behind’. You’re not even 20, mate.
Same boat here minus the social anxiety lol. Cold approached and talked to more girls in two months then probably my whole life, got hella numbers. Only one date and I blocked her right after the date lol. Maybe it’s a numbers game, maybe I’ve just run into all the wrong women lmao. I say work on the social anxiety, even tho I’m not getting any play talking to this many people is honestly fun and exiting even if it doesn’t go past a few minute conversation.
Step 1.) Find a local off campus church
Step 2.) Inquiry about a youth ministry (your age group)
Step 3.) Introduce yourself to the available ladies in that group
Once they find out you are going to college they will want to get to know you better.
Clear as mud?
I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 23, and that was a lucky one-off until I had a brief relationship at 26. Now in my late 20s I have women making the first move and I’ve had flings off Tinder I would have thought were way out of my league.
For men it gets much, much easier with age. Once you have a job with a livable wage and your own apartment, it’s a whole different world.
Those people who are saying college is the easiest time to date or get laid were probably already attractive and socially confident to begin with. Sex and dating are a total rat race at your age and what you’re going through is totally normal and okay. Just try to have fun, get good grades, and things will get better. You should still keep yourself open to opportunities and make an effort to date girls, but don’t be too hard on yourself.
>I’m not short or ugly
I am
Wear one of them tees with an embarrassing message on them. idk if it will help with your problem ,but at least it will make people chuckle.
lol if you’re a freshman in college there’s like a 50/50 chance friend groups will stay the same. Plus if you’re actually tall and handsome like you say then trust me when I say the pussy will come to you lol
Yeah, I’m 20 and I got the same problem except I’m not that good looking. Don’t know what my exact problem is but I’m pretty demoralized by this point
I lost my virginity at 20. I’m 20. Seriously, it’s okay to take your time. Having a communicative, trustworthy, and consent respecting partner will be worth the wait for your first time.
In college you should try chatting people up in general. If you ever have someone, guy or girl, sit next to you, try talking to them and see if y’all click. You can expand your network this way because that dude you talked to will know other dudes you can also talk to. Some of them will know prospective partners.
Join a club bro. Find a club that can suit you then develop from that.
I didn’t stop meeting new people after my first month of college. Join a club, get a part-time job on campus, say hi to people you sit next to in class, listen to more podcasts to get a sense of how a “normal” conversation flows.
You say you have a group of friends. That’s good! Every s/o I’ve had in my life I met through mutual friends. Say yes to every social opportunity you have them. It only increases the chances you’ll meet a nice girl.
Don’t sit in your room playing video games all weekend. Don’t be silent in class. But, most importantly, don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re in college; you’re young. You’re there to learn, not just in the classroom, but outside of it as well. You’ve got a lot of time, just make it count.
Youre so young its adorable
Meeting boys in college seemed impossible to me.
I didn’t have a proper boyfriend until I was 25ish. I dated a lot of guys, but I never actually found anyone I particularly liked enough to have an official relationship until then.
The point being, everyone is different, and everyone finds someone they like at various points in their life. You shouldn’t rush into a relationship or throw yourself at the first person who is interested just because you want to check off a box. That’s how a lot of young people get into very unpleasant marriages, too.
Have fun. Relax. Go at your own pace. But also try to get out there and meet people by poking your head outside of your comfort zone. You’re only young and in college once.
Dont let this ruin your college life bro it will be over before you know it. It doesn’t get any easier in adulthood.
Don’t chat up women on college campus’s.
Get into social clubs and groups that have girls and that host parties then do your chatting there, far more easier to get them on your side once there’s common ground and familiarity established.
1. Doesn’t matter that you’re a virgin. Literally not important. Imagine if people acted the way about a massage that they do about sex and you can see how ridiculous the behavior is. Is a man made a man by massage? Does he prove his worthiness by how many women he can massage? As a slightly older dude I’ll let ya know it’s low-key cringe kidbrain thinking, but I’ll also reassure you that it is not your fault you are so concerned. It’s a cultural detail we all experience and get to outgrow.. or fail to outgrow I suppose.
2. If your friends are really obsessed with body counts and allat they’re also stuck on stupid kidbrain shit and will eventually just start trying to justify themselves by their income because they know they’re empty inside and looking for validation from the external world, and that’s the way adults do it while teens just tall about getting pussy. They’re also probably lying at every opportunity because they have their sense of personal validation wrapped up in sexual comparisons with their peers
3. It is actually normal and reasonable to date if you want or not date if you don’t want. It’s very dumb to date because you’re scared of not dating. Relax and let go of this pressure you are putting on yourself. If your parents ask why you arent fucking, don’t sweat it. “Thought I was supposed to get A’s, not herpes mom.” “You know mom, if you’re looking to get me a christmas present prostitutes are cheaper than credits..”
4. People respect when someone is authetically themself and not ashamed of it. Sounds like you should get out of your comfort zone and meet new people, not everyone you meet in college will have such a headassed approach. Pick up some hobbies that will take you in contact with people and do those. & your assertion that sex & relationships are now or never because you are in college is just wrong, saying it is a fact is just.. catastrophization. Saying it’s only natural I also disagree with.. it’s socialization you are experiencing, you want to fit in. You seen too many movies homie, life ain’t a series of cookie cutter situations.
No one says “I am going to do a human interaction today.” because human interactions are a natural byproduct of other goals undertaken in a social context. You will interact with someone with whom you feel attraction to and you will ask them to spend time with you outside of the social context. They will say no because you have all these hangups about women and it’s coming through in your offer and making you sound weird. So you brush it off your back and go do something else you enjoy by yourself, no big deal, but what’s this a new person I’m interested is here. So you ask them on a date and you’re feeling more relaxed so it comes off natural, and now you have a date
sounds like you just summed up the person you think you are and the person you think you are is the person you don’t want to be, so instead of saying “I’m not this and not that and there is no hope” start thinking “I can talk to girls without a problem. I like meeting new people. I am friendly and outgoing.”
Then just live it.
And love yourself in all the awkwardness of it all.
Also personally, I think being a virgin is a great thing. You know what that means? You have a clean dick!! I feel like virginity is a rare thing anymore, or people are ashamed of it or something?? Funny cuz at one point in time it was shameful to not be a virgin! haha it’s all stupid societal identification which it sounds like is pressing too many ideas on you about why you are not perfect as you are.
My point is this. YOU can change your thoughts. If you’re looking for that someone who can change your life, look in the mirror boy!!
So even if changes your thoughts to be more outgoing, isn’t going so well, you can at least change your thoughts to be more accepting of yourself. Confidence attracts people! Do it for yourself, not anyone else.
First of all, you’re not “behind” at all, you’re in your first year of college! Virginity is a dumb and harmful social construct anyway, but even so you do not need to try to check that box just for the approval of others. And you’re CERTAINLY wrong that “if it doesn’t happen now it won’t ever happen.” That’s crazy talk.
Second of all, women are just people, and you should treat them as human beings. Stop viewing them as an alien species who are somehow intrinsically different from all your male friends and you’ll have a MUCH better and easier time meeting and connecting with them. Viewing women as alien walking sex dispensers is both offensive, and a great way to give off creepy vibes and guarantee women will not be interested in you.
Your idea that there’s some magical two month window in which you meet people at college and THATS IT is wild. You’ll meet people and make friends when you take different classes, if you get involved in different clubs or activities, and sometimes just by happenstance! Don’t hunt women to try to lose your virginity (creepy AF), but do look to make more female friends, which will help you socially in the long run. You’ll be more keyed into women’s social networks, and also probably learn more about and become comfortable with socializing with women. Try to connect with women the same way you would with potential male friends—based on shared interests or experiences. The more women you interact with the higher the likelihood you’ll find someone you are interested in who is also interested in you, and if you’re not just hunting one to try to lose your virginity you will likely have much better outcomes for everyone involved.
The hardest part about college is meeting people, women to date and friends alike. What I did was, at the beginning of the year, put in all the social energy I had into talking to people from my classes until it exhausted me. Some connections lasted, some didn’t. And it was truly socially exhausting, but I found friends- men AND women (and non-binary) -and eventually a woman I am now hopefully about to date. I met her at a college event (yes, go to those).
Here’s another big thing: DO NOT go out looking for women out of sheer desire for sex; go out looking for a connection, something solid and legitimate. Any woman you have sex with should be worth your time and personal investment and that, in my opinion, is something you should find out first by establishing such a connection with her
In other words, don’t go looking for relationships for the purpose of sex; let the sex be a product of an established relationship.
In high school it was way easier because they asked me but I didn’t want all that attention. Now in college I don’t think I’ll ever have that luck again😂😂still a virgin at 19 and wondering if I’m ever gonna get laid (also sex is scary for some reason😩I froze more than once when I had the opportunity).
There is no secret pill, silver bullet, or magic cure. Everything you said is true and has merit and there is really only one course of action..
You just have to face your fears and put yourself out there. Force yourself to talk to girls any way that you can manage it. It will be ugly. You will make mistakes. You will feel uncomfortable and you will embarrass yourself. You will fail and you will get rejected.
Eventually, you will stumble into a relationship and it will probably go horribly. You will be inexperienced, awkward, anxious, and will probably get your heart broken. If you can get through all that you may have a chance to do it all over again and things will go a bit better each time. That’s what life and relationships look like.
The other option is to do nothing, stay in your comfort zone, miss out on life and opportunities, waste your youth, and develop into an ugly, bitter, incel.
Bro you are in your first year of college and you expect to be the smoothest dude ever. It’s alright to be a virgin at 18. There’s nothing wrong with that. Go to parties, meet girls, and be yourself. I’m telling you that if you are handsome and tall and keep getting out going to parties and such, you will meet a girl. Women will approach you or check you out. If you fail because of anxiety, it’s not the end of the world. Try again. Keep trying until you feel confident enough to get a girl.
Bro, you’re only a freshman. A) you have plenty of time, your buddies are kinda toxic B) anyone who isn’t a freshman usually avoids sleeping with freshman bc you guys are still basically kids, tho there are exceptions C) as a fellow anxious person, most of my relationships I made through classes and clubs, but don’t let your need to bone make you burn bridges with cool people in your classes.
My final advice: if you can prove yourself to be hygienic, you will be an astronomical minority. You bathe regularly, you don’t leave piss on the toilet seat, you keep you bathroom clean, and you keep your space tidy? LEAGUES above all other freshman men. I was an RA at a freshmen dorm for a couple years: the standard for boys your age is absolute filth, trust me.
the mindset of “being behind” makes you become desperate and they can always tell if someone is desperate. remember, attract don’t chase
If your college has it, I would encourage you to take a intro to leadership class, one that hopefully has a group project. At my university it was a great opportunity to meet people, push out of our comfort zone and learn.
A class with a group project kind of forces you to meet a new group. Attend clubs week or sporting events to meet new people at a place that interests you. Getting a part time job, if you can balance it with your studies, helped me make friends
Actually, it’s very normal. You’re only 18! You’ve only begun dipping your toes into adulthood and college life. It’s been, what, 8 weeks? You’ve got plenty of time. Just say hi to kids in your class. I met my husband at our job in college. Lots of opportunities!
You should focus on studying as they are also focusing ok studying.
College is the best place to meet your girl and the only place where you will find your sweetheart. Down the road, things get extremely complicated.
One way to reduce social anxiety is gradual exposure. List some appropriate social things you are afraid of doing and rank them from 1 to 10 in how scary they are. Start with the least scary things and make a habit of repeatedly doing them until they aren’t scary anymore. Then work your way up to more scary things. Make social interaction a practice ground where you work on your social anxiety and improve your social skills. Every week find a social skill you need to work on and focus on that when you are socializing.