Hi all,
I honestly am looking for some advice here. Met this girl online and we instantly hit it off (I’m 33 and she’s 31). We see each other only once a week but text daily as she works in the medical field and I work in tech. Recently I noticed that she has been a bit distant and when I asked her if everything was ok, she said no everything is fine, and hope I’m not giving that feeling off. She has had a lot going on these past few months with work challenges and multiple deaths in her family in a short period of time. A few weeks ago we talked and she mentioned that she wanted some space and to pause us since she has just been so stressed with not enough time in the day to see everyone or get everything done, and we just met at a bad time. She mentioned that she didn’t know how long she was going to need and it wouldn’t be fair to ask me to wait for her but I said I’m going to wait for her as she means a lot to me.
I am not sure how long I should wait to reach out to her or if there is something else going on. Any thoughts on this would be very appreciated.
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TLDR – She asked for space/break because she’s so stressed and not sure when I should reach out to her or if I should wait for her to reach out, its been a week since we last talked.
5 comments
I think if you take her at her word that it is just a breather she needs then wait for her to reach out to you. But I’d be prepared that she might not, and you might need to consider how long you are actually prepared to wait.
Buddy asking for space in a relationship where you only see each other once a week is just her way of telling you it’s over.
One thing I forgot to mention here is that she also mentioned that she’s got a lot of family issues going on also that is adding to the stress
My first read on this was that she likes you, but not enough to give up time with her friends or family for you. You’re more of a distraction than she wants at this point. Would she ever come back? Maybe, but you have no clue how long that would be. If you were closer and had the opportunity to see her on any given day, you might be able to make it work with reduced contact. For example, meet her for lunch or a quick coffee after work kind of thing so that you “see” each other without the full investment of “quality time” together. That would maintain the connection but give her the freedom to deal with the other stuff going on in her life.
However, given your distance, getting together is more of a time commitment than she can make available. How long will it stay that way? Who knows. Could you two make it work long distance? Again, who knows. She doesn’t seem to think so though. That tells me she’s not as invested in this relationship as you are.
From where I sit, you can go ahead and wait, but I suspect you’ll be waiting a long time with no clear end in sight. You were only dating for 3 months and I could see you waiting at least that long for her to come back. Could be a good time to look up “sunk cost fallacy” and consider moving on.
You really do not want to be a pest in this situation. You can’t know if “Need space” is code for “not that into you,” but it probably is and you definitely have to act as though it is.
Think, one text every two weeks and absolutely no more just to let her know you’re thinking about her, at most. If one text gets a chilly reply or no response, bag it and tag it.