Hello 🙂
Im 16 and i have very strict parents. Some things they do make me uncomfortable and it is difficult to talk to them without making them yell at me. How should i ask for more privacy?
My parents never knock. They used to go through my phone, watch me through the keyhole in my room, listen to phonecalls, read my diary and wouldnt allow me to close my door or lock the bathroom door. It has gotten much better but it is still not good. They open my door without knocking and it scares me so much each time because they open it so quickly. I tried telling them but they just laughed. When i asked them to knock they said stuff like: its my house, i can come in whenever i feel like it, im your mother, what are you hiding?… I never get to tell people news from my life because they do it first.
I just dont understand their behavior. I have never done anything to loose their trust. How should i adress it without them yelling at me? The things they do make me feel very strange
Thank you for reading! I hope you have some advice for me
Have a nice day <3
5 comments
Father of three teenagers here.
I have a blurb I like to offer about this topic, that maybe you can offer your parents in your own way.
When a child is young, you are 100% their authority figure. When they turn 18, you are irrevocably transitioned into a 100% *Advisor* Role with no more authority (other than, potentially, that of a landlord).
So from 12 – 18 should be a slow retreat. Slowly releasing your grip on the wheels and transitioning from Authority to Advisor. The reason being if you grip the wheel tightly and suddenly let go, your teen will tailspin. You’re objective as a parent isn’t to make good decisions for your teen. It’s to teach them to make good decisions for themselves. That requires you *let go.* Even let them make mistakes.
I trust that my 16 year old can go to parties with drugs, alcohol, and boys all day long. Because I’m confident in her judgment and that she’ll make good choices.
That’s the pinnacle of parenting teens right there.
I am sorry you are going through a difficult time with your parents. Do you have anyone, like a therapist you can talk to? I would strongly recommend family therapy. Have you ever had a serious conversation with them? You are 100% entitled to privacy. I am very sorry, but yelling at you and invading your privacy is not normal and it’s not correct. It sounds more like abuse than anything else. If you can’t make your parents understand that what they are doing is completely wrong and unacceptable, you need help to make them understand. Speak with your school guidance?
I hate to say “asking” and “doing” are two different things and what I mean by that is if your parents are too entwined that they “have the right” to do something then that mindset may never change and I am sorry.
But if you wanted to have that dialogue and attempt to broach it then phrase it I’m a world and manner they should know all too well: trust and responsibility.
In other words, if they ask why simply voice it as: I understand it’s your house but I am asking you to trust and believe in me as I get older as I had full trust and belief in you when I was as younger. And if you feel you can’t trust me and respect me to make good choices then I’d rather have you say it so I won’t bother you. But I simply want to be treated more like an adult not because I know everything but because I want to be adult with everyone and be mature with everyone. You’ll always be my parents but at some point you do have to let me know what it means to be an adult otherwise everyone will treat me like a kid and I’ll always rely on you because I won’t know what it means to be an adult.
Not sure.youd want to say this of their really narcissist on the subject but that’s how I’d approach it.
Time to move out.
Don’t ask but act because asking will make it worse they will sus you and you will lose more privacy better lock your room door and when they try to get in your privacy life don’t let them they won’t like it but they will get used to it