I (27m) am with my gf (26f) for almost two years. At first sex was pretty much everyday but after the 8-9 months mark it started to happen less often which I guess happen in most couple when the honeymoon phase end.
She always had more of a responsive sex drive and it’s lower than mine so the new frequency of around 3 times a week work just fine for her. On my side I’d like sex everyday but with our pretty full schedule and everything I get that it’s not really realist and Im happy with what I have and masturbate to compensate.
A point we talked about a few times already is oral sex. She don’t really care about it on her and doesn’t like the smell and taster on me afterward so we don’t do that really often since we can’t kiss after and she likes better I use a toy on her before or during sex. On my side bj’s are the most exciting things ever, I think about that almost every time I masturbate and I get my strongest orgasm from her sucking me. Just wanted to add that she doesn’t want and never tried me cumming in her mouth which of course I would really like to do but I accept and respect her choice.
My problem is that for a while now bj’s seems to happen less and less often. In the last 2-3 months she sucked me maybe twice real quick before sex and I had to ask and gave me a complete blowjob only once. I tried talking to her about that a few days ago and her answer was that she neither likes or dislikes blowjob but she likes to make me feel good, which sex also does and that she forget or just don’t think about blowing me most of the times. That I should ask her more often to which I answered that I did asked for it two times in that period but it wasn’t a great timing and she wasn’t in the mood for that. It’s fine with me but I already feel bad asking for something selfish like that so when I get a no I probably won’t work the courage to ask again for a little while.
She was pretty sad after that talk and I felt bad for making her feel that way over that. If I could just stop thinking and craving bj I would do it but I can’t help myself. I love that and im not sure how to proceed with that.
5 comments
I think you should ask more often and try not to get upset if she says no.. it’ll just be likely to get it more often the more you ask and if she does say no you’ll still have sex either way
Have you ever approached her by asking if there’s a way blowjobs could be MORE fun and hotter for her?
People do things more often if they enjoy them. So rather than trying to get her to do something that she feels neutral about, perhaps take the angle of coming up with some fun ideas that will make them more fun for her, and see if that helps her desire them more often. You can also feel less guilty asking, because you can feel confident she will be getting something out of it as well.
Maybe ask “is there any sort of fantasy or anything interesting you could think of that I could do during a blowjob that would make it hotter to you?”
For me, blowjobs where the guy just lays there and I blow him are wildly boring.
But, if someone were to dirty talk to me in a way that I like, caress my face, maybe turn it into some sort of roleplay, do some power dynamic play etc. I am going to have a really good time! It’s going to arouse me and then I am going to be much more likely to want to do them in the future.
Additionally, blowjobs to completion can kind of suck if you’re someone who enjoys penetrative sex. If that’s all you do, you can kind of feel left in the dust. But if my husband incorporates some dirty talk during it to turn me on, we finish and then he fingers the fuck out of me after… I am, again, MUCH more likely to look forward to this proposition because it was a mutually fulfilling sexual encounter.
I’m someone who really likes oral porn and fantasizes about blowjobs a lot, and in real life they honestly aren’t that entertaining.
I like masturbating to blowjobs in porn sometimes, but in real life it was my ex who would ask for them, I rarely offered.
It has nothing to do with it.
Once you get married – blowjobs don’t exist… remind her and get all you can….
Why did she feel sad?
She isn’t physically getting anything out of giving you a bj, but can you stimulate her during by telling her how much you love it? Compliments might help her get into it. Sometimes its okay to let your partner do something for you and just let them know you appreciate it.