I’m not sure if this goes here, but I’ve had this best friend for well over a year now. We’re extremely close. Anyway, he got a partner a few months ago. Lately, when he asks me to hang out he starts with, “my partners busy, so I was thinking we could hang out” as if he doesn’t want to really hang out with me at all. He calls me every other day to talk, but no matter what type of conversation we’re having (playful, serious, etc.) if his partner calls he’ll just…hang up on me to answer them. Whenever he realizes his behavior might be hurtful, I get “I’m sorry. I know if it were me I’d be pissed, but maybe it’s because I love attention”. I don’t think that’s a real apology because he brings it back to himself. Am I wrong for being so hurt about this?
P.S- they’re both polyamorous so they’re partner never minded our closeness
2 comments
I feel you on this. I have a friend who is very open about me being a 3rd option as a company. Even though I know it well, hearing _Oh, X was busy so I called you_ still feels wrong. Imo being considerate towards your friend is an important value so sit down and think about what your values are and whether you share them with this friend. If they have a tendency to be more narcissitic then your relationship might not be balanced, no matter if they have a partner or not.
But it is true that having a partner change some people’s behaviors and attitudes towards friendship. Either way, I don’t think it’s wrong to feel like this. Take it as a sign that something must change. Maybe try talking to them if you value your friendship. Or, at the same time, try looking for new people out there.
Do you have other friendships outside of this one?