Ok so I (29F) only had sex for like 3 times in my life so I don’t have much experience… I was going to have sex with this guy I’ve been dating for a couple of weeks but I don’t know what happened he wasn’t able to get it in? I could have been nervous and whatnot but I’m kinda embarrassed because it’s probably me (he’s kinda thick tho).. I don’t know what to do honestly I really like him and I don’t know what to do now because I feel like he might not talk to me anymore.. any advice? Has this happened to anyone?
Edit: he tried the two fingers test thing and told me he barely was able to get it in I’m embarrassed because I feel like it’s probably me being nervous and fucked it up. Any advice on how to not be like this 😭?
Edit2: thank you guys for all the messages. We did have a couple of drinks before this so that might be one of the reasons. Also because we tried a couple of times and I got very nervous by the end so I wasn’t wet enough. Also thanks to everyone that mentioned vaginismus I never heard that term!
Can people stop sending me creepy messages 😭
42 comments
Tell him straight up you want to go for it again. Suck him rock hard and you get on top an make it happen. Once he feels what your bout he can adjust his approach so it all works as planned. Work together…its a good thing.
Couldn’t get it in you? We need more information. Are either of you obese? Does he have a small dick? Was he not erect? Is he also inexperienced and doesn’t understand that your vagina needs to be wet?
More foreplay and use lube.
Get some lube for next time
Tons of foreplay and lots of lube.
More foreplay. Have him get you off orally first. Might relax you a bit down there. And then lube it up.
Try getting a smaller dildo and lube and start with it to help loosen u up till you relax
Like others are saying lube is a good call. Me and an ex from many years ago were virgins, and it took us literally a dozen tries before we got penetration. Part of it was it hurt for her and she was nervous. Lube fixed all that
>I feel like he might not talk to me anymore.
It sounds like you may be basing some of your self-worth of your ability to have sex with your partner. This ability is a combination of *so many factors — t*hat’s why sex is something you work out together.
This could be making you nervous, and when you’re nervous you’re not relaxed. Keep trying one stop at a time, use some lube for his size, and trust that you two will figure this out.
Lubricant
Foreplay
Breathe
take your time
Lube and fingering before
Just be honest with him. Say you don’t have a lot of experience and you’re tight and tell him he has a big cock and it was a lot for you to handle. He shouldn’t take it as anything but a bit of an ego boosting compliment.
Next time…. Use your hand…. You be the one to guide him inside
Yes absolutely. This was my wonderful lover of a hubby when we first met. He was nervous because Idk why honestly but he was and I’m glad we stuck through it because wow he’s the best!!
Just wanted to also suggest r/twoxsex , welcoming womens subreddit
It’s possible that you may have a very small vagina canal. I had a friend that had this issue. Her first attempt at sex was her honeymoon…and it didn’t go well. She ended up going to the gyno and they ended up using some type of spacers to slowly open up the canal wider. It took some time but it did work. I felt so bad for her. She was so frustrated that she would cry. They did other stuff to release to that sexual tension..but let’s face it, other stuff doesn’t always give the same release. And she grew up super religious so she felt like a failure as a woman and felt broken. Thankfully her husband was incredibly understanding and supportive and was more concerned with her safety, comfort and well-being.
1) You did nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you.
2) Your body is designed to deliver a baby so you are capable and will get there if you want.
3) Use a good lube and lots of it. I highly recommend Divine9. Yes, it’s expensive but worth it. Us copious amounts.
4) Relax. Get him to give you a full body massage for 20 minutes. Have him do proper foreplay exploring different erogenous zones (nipples, earlobes etc). Get him to bring you to orgasm with a vibrator externally on your clitoris before trying to have his penis inside you.
Good luck and don’t stop trying.
Do you use dildo’s?
Don’t be embarrassed. Foreplay lube and if you want, you can try and get comfortable with yourself masturbation can help yourself become a little more comfortable if you haven’t done it much or have had sex much.
A little foreplay first always helps me. Try a little makeout session to get you hot. Kiss his neck and ear lobes don’t bite but as you kiss touch your teeth to his skin. As he gets turned on he will most likely mirror what you do and that will turn you on. Then have him use his fingers and lube to get things started and he may just have to work his way in. I’m in my 30s and I have that same issue but my body has always been that way my guy just knows if we haven’t had sex in over a week it gonna take a minute.
Well, how did it go prior with the other guy(s)? You mentioned he was thick. That could well be the problem. Don’t assume its you ok?
I do think nerves had a lot to do with it. My advise would be to get a little more comfortable with him, give yourself plenty of warm up activities and let your body prepare itself. Not only will this make it easier to get it in, you will enjoy it a lot more!
(51F) It’s possible that you have a thicker hymen Hun…if it’s the case, it “can” thin over time. Best to ask your doctor 😉
Take care and best of luck Hun❣️
Did he eat your pussy first and get it wet? If not dude needs to do his job. This is the only time i ever had this problem. It was my first time and i quickly learned especially being a little um “bigger” thats my job, lick it get it wet and you will have a way better time. Good luck!
If you’re tense maybe it would be a good idea to really slowly lean into having sex instead of the dreading thought of having to preform at a specific moment ?
Tell the dude you’re a bit nervous sometimes and that’s the reason but you want to have sex but you have to take it slow and feel relaxed and comfortable. Take an afternoon for it, spent some time in bed, give each other a massage and if you’re feeling it go into foreplay and eventually if you’re ready for it go into sex. And if it doesn’t work that afternoon no worries ! Maybe next time ! Not putting pressure on it is key I think !
I’m a guy so obviously the other ladies in the comment section probably know stuff better than I do. But I just wanted to let you know that if my girl was all tensed up I would definitely be okay and even enjoy with taking things slow and having fun while getting comfortable and chill with each other.
I’m going to add something to the lube and more foreplay comments. Maybe set the mood in the room to something that helps relax you. Get candles that provide a calming smell to you, relaxing music, and maybe have him give you a massage. Those things may help relieve the tension.
I’m also a late bloomer… I’ve NEVER had a guy complain I was too tight… never had a guy cut me off for it either. It has been mentioned and then they throughly enjoyed the challenge of a good warm up. And then really enjoyed when they could get in.
It’s all in the foreplay and lube.… sounds like maybe this guy is more about his pleasure than shared pleasure.
Take your time. Relax, lots of foreplay and try different positions. Theres no need to do it in a hurry.
Don’t blame yourself. Was he rock hard? Like the others have said, be honest. Lots of foreplay and use lots of lube. After a while it will all be second nature, and you will be happy that you will be able to accommodate his thick cock.
The vagina is a remarkably elastic organ. But if you’re nervous and naturally more “tight” then it may take a little work to get in and start moving comfortably. The trick is to not take anything too serious, just like when a guy is nervous and has trouble getting it up with someone new. Just keep fooling around and work at it with LOTS of lube and you’ll get there. I also need to say that if the fellow won’t talk to you anymore because of this, he’s not the kind of guy you need in your life anyway. So talk with him honestly about this and your willingness to work at getting beyond this little hiccup. There’s nothing wrong with you.
I’m shocked that I haven’t seen anyone else suggest vaginismus. If this is a reoccurring problem, you make want to talk to your gynecologist.
This comments section is absolutely atrocious. This sub’s answer to EVERY PROBLEM is “use more lube, dude is an while for not getting you turned on enough.” Like. That’s such a dismissive and overly simplified answer.
When was the last time you were at the gynecologist (if ever)? It’s worth taking a visit to talk to them about it. I also absolutely can’t believe that no one has mentioned a condition called vaginismus yet–it’s somewhat common and it was my first thought when I saw your post. It’s an involuntary contraction of the vaginal muscles that makes penetration difficult or impossible. It can happen at any age, and even if you’ve had “successful” penetration before.
It’s also totally treatable.
Lube usually makes sex really easy. Almost no issues trying to get in or keeping spitting on it to make things slide easily. Lube for the win!
Most likely you weren’t relaxed enough or aroused enough, but that’s not a criticism and there’s no fault or blame to be assigned.
First times with a new partner, even for people with a good deal of sexual experience, can be nerve-racking and require patience and additional foreplay.
That’s perfectly normal and no reason for embarrassment or concern.
Have him start off with a massage, candles and lots of foreplay. Get your juices flowing more. What works for us is tantric music makes it a very relaxing setting
Don’t be embarrassed. If he’s a decent guy he will understand. Use lube, relax and loads of foreplay. Enjoy 😉
It could be a lot of things. Easy one (but not that easy) is that you need to be relaxed and aroused and lubricated.
But it could be something where you need to go to a dr.
If he stops talking to you bc of this he is immature and fragile and you’ll be better off! Just be open and honest. It’s nothing to be ashame. There’s nothing wrong w either of you. Be kind to yourself
You need to get wet and relax. Have him eat you out first. Get it nice and juicy. And being tight is a great thing girl. You have nothing to be embarrassed about
Yeah it happens time to time. It happens more often when you are recently having sex together. Attempt it more times and it will get better with time. You guys need to get comfortable with each other
I must admit that I have never heard of “the two finger test thing”, but anything that includes the word “test” when having sex strikes me as ridiculous.
First off, wtf is with the creepy comments? OP – You need to take the pressure out of the situation. Gyno appointment for sure, but if everything checks out, just tell him that you need to work up to it. There are a million things you can do together naked, and some of them are arguably more fun than PIV. Experiment, learn each other’s bodies, and learn what you like. If you’ve only had sex 3 times, your body probably doesn’t really know what it’s like to be touched by someone, let alone be turned on by it. Start small and enjoy every minute of it. When everything starts clicking, the fit issue will solve itself.
>Can people stop sending me creepy messages 😭
Use the Report button in the chat. That kind of behaviour is liable for a ban.