A few nights ago my bf was masturbating while I was cuddling him (we do that from time to time when im not in the mood for sex but still want to help him cum).
We were talking dirty and my hand was between his legs playing with his balls and his ass and he asked me if I would mind going a little further. I knew exactly what he meant and I was more than ready to do it but I played the innocence card to have him tell me. He was close to cum and he told me « please put your fingers between my ass and play with my hole while I cum ». I did that and he came almost right away. After that he made sure I didn’t mind him asking that and I told him not at all.
Last night while we were in a pretty hot foreplay session I was sucking him and I had one of my hand on his ass, kind of holding him and caressing his ass cheeks while trying to take him further in my mouth and I could feel him moving around like he was giving me a better access between his cheeks so I ended up massaging his anus while sucking him and he was moaning real hard. After we fucked we were cuddling and he asked me again if I was fine with that and he told me he was really ashamed to love his ass being playing with and that he shouldn’t love that and everything. I tried to tell him otherwise and reassure him without much success.
For a little background we are living in a little city where there’s a lot of toxic masculinity. Even his friend and family are pretty stuck up about what a man should be like and everything. I don’t know how to make him feel better about that and I love that he opened a little to me but not if it’s making him feel bad.
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You’re doing the right thing reassuring him, perhaps he’ll be put at ease if he knew you enjoyed how it turned him on. It could be the start of a whole new avenue of pleasure for you both
I love when my gf caresses my asshole, makes me hard instantly.
In the end, do what you like and enjoy life.
>For a little background we are living in a little city where there’s a lot of toxic masculinity. Even his friend and family are pretty stuck up about what a man should be like and everything. I don’t know how to make him feel better about that and I love that he opened a little to me but not if it’s making him feel bad.
I think that context is helpful. Also, culturally men are told anything having to do with their ass is gay.
I’m a guy and I love my wife playing with my ass. The first few times we did it, I had some sort of feelings about it because of the societal influences all around. It’s been an amazing part of our sex life and she has been supportive of it as well.
One thing that helped a bit is her talking about how hot she finds it, how sexy it is, etc. We have added pegging into our sex life which has been great. There is sometimes additional kink with pegging like the sissification, etc. For us, it’s just a loving sex act between two partners. Lots of kissing and touching all over.
It may be he is into that as well. We have incorporated prostate massage into our sex life, etc.
Considering where you’re located and what he, and almost every guy, has grown up around, it’s very understandable him feeling internal shame and is afraid you’ll judge him negatively and tell other people. And to that point…DO NOT TELL ANYONE! Not your best friend, not your family member, not even the most progressive person you know in real life. If he finds out other people know and shame him for it, he will know he can’t ever trust you and the relationship would be tanked. Keep that info just between you two.
Well, if calling him “your little ass slut” doesn’t work 😆, just keep reassuring him like you have been. It is just an erogenous zone and pleasure is pleasure. Maybe have him read about the “P-spot.”
“Look Dude, I want to give you pleasure. I don’t give a fuck how that manifests as long as it’s between us and we both consent.”
You are doing great for him! If he keeps asking you to continue then just keep reassuring him if he has guilt after.
It’s a totally normal reaction. No one including myself ever played with my ass hole until in my forties. My current wife suggested it and I reluctantly agreed but the guilt feeling was so strong that I didn’t really enjoy it. The gay stigma associated with butt play is very present in our society. Fast forward a few years and I got over it and asked for a prostate massage. We now graduated to pegging and enjoy it as any other sexual act with no afterthoughts. Just keep it to yourselves.
Good job making him not feel ashamed! I LOVE that my husband lets me do all kinds of things to him back there now! It takes time to both get comfortable but now I LOVE eating him, sucking there, putting on a strap on and dominating him too!
So, the whole toxic masculinity and homophobia thing is a hot topic for me.
I understand what you are saying and where you are coming from, but my advice would be to be very direct and talk to him specifically about “why” he is ashamed.
Is he ashamed to have his butt played with. Is he ashamed that he liked it. Is he ashamed that he requested it. Is he ashamed that he wants more of it.
Those all seem like the same thing, but they most certainly are not.
The sad and frustrating part of toxic masculinity is that the definition of what a “man” is according to “them” is almost the exact opposite of what a woman wants and needs. And, more so, what men want and need.
I don’t want to stir the pot or accidentally/inadvertently insult anybody. But, I feel, toxic masculinity is almost on the same lines of people telling trans people that is really not who they are. Or homosexual people that is really not who they are. You should change. You shouldn’t be that way. That is not normal. That is not who you are.
You are telling someone to act a certain way and be a person, that they simply are not.
Honestly, it’s just a normal part of male anatomy. I think most guys who try it end up liking it, and the only thing that it means is he’s more comfortable in his masculinity and/or with you 🙂
The most important thing you can do is make sure he knows it is between you and him. You will never tell another person what y’all are up to in the bedroom.
Doesn’t mean he’s gay. Every man has a prostate and it feels good do it. What you two do in private is only between you.
You’re doing everything perfectly. Just keep reassuring him. That’s really all you can do. At some point, he’ll have to learn himself that it’s okay to like what he likes and not worry about other people’s opinions of it (not that they have to know anyway). With close friends, I like to make it known that I love being rimmed when the subject comes up jokingly. I feel like it helps normalize men enjoying ass play the more men admit that it feels good.
Why is he even worrying about this? What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom.
A straight man having his ass played with is no more gay than a lesbian using a dildo is straight. Keep reassuring him. Plenty of straight men love to receive anal play.
Ass is heavenly giving and receiving
Sometimes a feller just needs some attentions to his buttsholes.
I was a helicopter pilot in the military, and now fly jets. As masculine as it can be. There is literally tons of nerve ends and an orgasm button in our ass. I get pegged and use toys on myself.
The feelings of pleasure have absolutely nothing to do with his masculinity or his sexual orientation. If you want to talk or if he wants to talk, shoot me a message
Since no one said it, I will. Take charge and ease him into pegging.
He needs to.literally “loosen up.”
Tell him you find it really sexy. It takes some of HIM wanting to YOU wanting it.
Also, show him articles on men liking ass stimulation and (eventually, if he seems more into) butt plush and/or pegging.
If he knows it’s a normal Hetro thing, he can slowly get over his shame. But start with just sexual studies: 50% of men prefer…
it’s a sad and stupid thing about the patriarchy. A straight man can’t play with a part on his body because it’s “gay,” literally even when it’s a girl doing it.
It’s a mindset he’s gotta work out of.
if males weren’t meant to play with their asses there wouldn’t be a g spot in there
Just keep reassuring him you think it’s hot he thinks it’s pleasurable and that you think a lot of guys have toxic ideas about what makes a man manly. Let him know you don’t think this makes him less masculine to you and it does make him more sensual and open minded and you like that.
Thanks for encouraging him that its okay
Big points to keep in mind: it is not gay to touch yourself. It is not gay to touch your butt, or to put things in your butt. The male g spot is literally inside his ass, it is designed to feel good. If he wants to explore any aspect of his sexuality, it does not detract from his masculinity. You can be gay, straight, bi, poly, ace, and explore all of those to your hearts content, and it does not take away from your gender identity. You are who you are, and others perceptions can not change that.
Beyond that, it can help to pull at the foundations for the toxic masculinity perspective. Help him see how toxic masculinity is a prison of identity, and he can better see how those are traits he doesnt want to let define him
This is such a wholesome post lol. I understand his fears, though. I’m a cis bisexual girl from a big city, so I know it’s a little different, but I definitely struggled with breaking the hetero norm in my adulthood as well. I think it’s really good that you both have such open communication with each other and that he feels comfortable disclosing his fears to you. You’re doing great 🙂 the both of you!
If it feels good it feels good you like what you like no shame in it
Keep doing what you’re doing, that’s how
He trusted you enough to tell you, enough to admit it to you, and enough to enjoy it with you. So you must be doing good
The most important part for undoing the shame he feels around having his butt played with is trust and reassurance. This stay between you both STRICTLY. And make sure to let him know you love him, that there’s nothing wrong with him enjoying this, it doesn’t change how you see him, and it’s both okay and that you’re happy for him feeling able to share this with you.
Also this probably goes without saying but NEVER use it against him in an argument or anything else. It’s clear he has insecurities surrounding masculinity from a toxic environment, this probably was really hard for him to be vulnerable about. But I don’t think that’ll be an issue since you seem to be taking his feelings seriously
My husband likes it too. 🤷 He shouldn’t be ashamed.
I think there has been enough good advice that has been posted in relation to your question from the Reddit community, but does he play with your ass? Do you like your asshole being touched or played with?
I think he’d be surprised to find out that there’s a lot of men who love that. It’s too bad it’s stigmatized because nobody talks about it to realize it’s more common.
Maybe tell him that you enjoy it too… Rather than “it’s okay, don’t worry”
I have NO shame
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying pleasurable sensations from your partner, regardless of your masculinity. Even the toughest, manliness guys enjoy having their asses stimulated by their partners. Enjoying a sensation doesn’t have anything to do with who you are as a human being. It simply means you enjoy a feeling.
My bashful mate Andy has always loudly preached, “there is nothing gay about a bumhole”.
Its true!
I think that regardless of where you come from culturally and surrounding your self. We all should feel freee to enjoy what we like with our bodies.
I’ve done that to my man and there’s times we’re he enjoys it and there’s times where he doesn’t want it.
Own what feels good it’s part of your sexual experience.
It’s a guy thing to feel like that but your there to reassure him and thats wonderful.
> I knew exactly what he meant and I was more than ready to do it but I played the innocence card to have him tell me.
Girl you did him dirty before you did him dirty. 😅
He has some internalized homophobia going on. It’s very common. It’s a societal thing and he needs to get out of his own way.
There are plenty of resource out there if he wants to find them. But you are doing the right thing 🙂
I think you both are very sweet to each other. You comfort him. He asks things. I hope he can get over his shame.
Just listened to a podcast called ‘a hole new world’ about anal stuff!
He’s lucky to have such an understanding girlfriend. I grew up around toxic masculinity & work around even more of it, so I get his worries. One thing g I’ve learned over the years is that pleasure is ours to seak out & enjoy, so having you to help him achieve that is amazing! Any guy who’s open to pleasure knows how good it feels to have your anus played with & even licked. Some of us even like to take it a step further & have experienced the amazing orgasms from prostate stimulation, he may be thinking about that & not know how to bring it up or doesn’t know if it would even be accepted by you. Sounds like you’re on the right track to assuring him you’re alright & accepting of his desires. Hope he can learn to accept his own desires & trust that they’re safe with you. Have Fun!
Tell him it turns u on. I kinda feel that way when my gf tosses my salad, but she loves it.