I’m starting to sort of dislike my parents as people.
I’m an 18 year old boy and i’ll try not to make this sound like an angsty and edgy teen post because the way i feel about this actually really affects me and i’m looking for the best way to tackle this situation.As a child i was kind of neglected a lot and experienced mild verbal abuse which still kind of affects me today , as the years went by the relationship between me and my parents just grew more and more apart up until now where i’m graduating high school and looking at College and everything surrounding that.
This time of my life needs a lot of communication with my parents and as i’m talking to them more I’m starting to see that they are very pessimistic people and are very unsupportive i almost feel alone , they’ve never really made attempts to build a relationship with me , i feel most uncomfortable when I’m around them than i am doing anything else and I’m really trying to think of ways to become independent as soon as possible so i can just be by myself and not have to communicate with them.
They’re divorced and i live with my mother and before i’ve even graduated she is already making me feel like i’m a burden to her , she does not want me staying home and taking a gap year to figure myself out and her reasoning just seemed to be “I don’t want you here” with sugar coating . My dad is the same just worse as he as a very short temper which i really hate dealing with and it destroys my self esteem , i’ve never really felt loved by my parents and im questioning my own existence and why i was even born because i have a younger sibling and they are being treated significantly better it’s like comparing jupiter and mars , which just makes the feelings of isolation and inadequacy worse.
I’ve been thinking about just tying the noose and ending it all because i really cannot continue living like this , i’ve considered asking to live with a relative but that will make me feel more like a burden and on top of that i don’t think with my grades i can even go to college to escape i really don’t know what to do
Again i know this probably looks like an angsty and emo teenager rant but please try to actually hear me out thanks .
14 comments
Have you ever seen a therapist?
move out, then they don’t have leverage over you and actually have to listen to what you have to say if they want to see their kid
Travel. It might be difficult right now but travel for a bit before you go into school. See how other people live before you decide how you want to live.
Your parents are people too & people fuck up. The longer you live the more time you have to make mistakes & make up for them.
Congrats on surviving childhood; the road ahead is wide & has no lanes.
Move out.
My parents suddenly became a lot more polite when they realized I wasn’t a captive audience for their bullshit anymore.
Not that I really talk to them anymore, but still.
Why are you still living with your parents?
>I’m an 18 year old boy…
I see no immediate red flags, sir. Plough on ahead!
Reality is you probably are a burden on them and a constant reminder of their failed relationship.
Is it fair to you? Nope. But life isn’t fair. Good luck.
Get a job. Save up. Move out.
Same thing for me at 16 and I now have a great life.
Give yourself positive encouragement often and everyday.
College is not about grades society just wants to see you can complete it they don’t give a fuck about grades just the diploma.
>i’ll try not to make this sound like an angsty and edgy teen post
Not angsty, not edgy. Got it.
>I’ve been thinking about just tying the noose and ending it all because i really cannot continue living like this
Or, you know, just go full-on edgelord with your angsty self I guess…
>the relationship between me and my parents just grew more and more apart
Well, some of that, maybe all of that, is both normal and healthy. You’re developing your identity, a sense of self, that is *separate* from your parents. You are figuring out who you are not in terms of being “Bob’s son” or “Jan’s kid”, but in terms of just who you are all on your own. Your parents aren’t going to be providing the same levels of direction and support as before, because part of growing up is becoming less dependent on them, and more *independent*.
The relationship you’re going to have with your parents *as an adult* is going to be **fundamentally different** than the one you had as a child. And you (and they!) are still navigating that change, figuring out that process, establishing new boundaries and expectations and standards.
And none of this is easy, or obvious, or “comes naturally”. It’s going to be stressful and tough.
> she does not want me staying home and taking a gap year to figure myself out
Yeah, here’s the thing. “Figuring yourself out” isn’t a full-time job, all on its own. It’s not even a full-time hobby. “Figuring yourself out” is something that happens *while you’re doing other things!* “Figuring yourself out” is what happens when you try something new, or do something different, and find yourself reacting one way or another. “Figuring yourself out” happens when you take undergraduate classes at college, or courses at trade school, or work an apprenticeship with a union. “Figuring yourself out” can happen when you’re taking a three month planned road trip across the country, or volunteering at an animal shelter, but it only ever happens when you’re *doing something new or different*, and “taking a gap year” can very quickly, very easily, turn into ‘doing nothing different than what you’ve done before’.
Here’s my suggestion: **make a plan to do something**. Maybe it’s a plan to go to college. Maybe its a plan to get a full-time job and move out. Maybe its a plan to join the military or the peace corps or work for the U.S. Forest service. But make *some kind of plan* on what to do next. Map out your steps, your goal, your milestones, and then *start working the plan*. Sure, the plan will probably change, but having a plan and doing something is always better than having no plan and doing nothing.
I sympathize. My mother was a men and boy hating feminist narcissist all her life. I left her home immediately after graduation from High School and her “custody” court order expired.
I finally got tired of her constant insults and prejudice and stopped talking to her entirely.
Your plan was to just do nothing for an entire year and your parents weren’t thrilled with the prospect of supporting their do-nothing adult child? What shit people!
My kids already know when they graduate high school they’re either enrolling in college, joining the union, or enlisting in the military if they want to continue to stay in my home. There will be no gap years, and in fact, if they choose to deliver pizza instead of learning a trade they can go get their own place too. I’m not enabling losers here.
There is not enough man advice to help you on this one.
I was just like you about 2-3 years ago.
I hit college took some time to think and build myself, and i would make steps to try and talk with her. I also confronted them about what happened, not blame or anything but talk in a civilized fashion.
Once you move out and gain self autonomy, the dynamic changes. You parents will have respect that you are doing well for yourself, and you will be able to talk to them as comfortable for you. Overtime you will get closer with them.