I’m a 28 year old guy who hasn’t seen a woman naked in about 4 or 5 years.
I want to start cold approaching because I get ignored on dating apps
I’ve seen posts online where some wo.men say things like “I can’t believe he had the audacity to approach me, he’s only 5 ft [insert inches here]”
I’m only 5ft7 with a low paying job. If I go up to a woman and ask her about her day, will they typically see that as an insult?
For example, they put on a bunch of makeup and dressed nicely, only for some broke sh.ort guy to approach her.
44 comments
You should probably speak to a therapist and spend way less time on the internet.
To answer the title: it will be considered insulting if you insult her.
To answer the body: Be respectful and you’ll be fine, man. You might weird them out a little if you ask about their day out of the blue, though, especially if she’s unsure whether you’re a salesman trying to establish rapport before offering a sale.
Get rid of those limiting beliefs regarding height and wealth. You don’t have your salary written on your forehead unless you wear a crown. As long as you dress normally you’re good.
It’s not insulting but depending on the setting it might be creepy. Some situations/places are about socializing, some are not
It’s just gotta be the right time and not something random/creepy. Also don’t come off as overly eager, just be chill if you do start a convo. As a woman I wish more men would approach us in public (in a respectful way lol) so I wouldn’t have to rely so much on dating apps. I feel like nobody does anymore unless it’s a bar and that’s usually not the crowd I’m looking for
No, I’m sure a lot of women would appreciate it, but of course you do have the ones that won’t like it, they will usually just let you know they aren’t interested. You will never get anywhere unless you try. Go out, make mistakes, and Learn.
Also I highly recommend a youtube channel called [Social Animal](https://www.youtube.com/c/socialanimal).
It will change your world, I promise.
>If I approach a woman, is that typically considered insulting
Insulting, no. An inconvenience and a bother, yes.
No woman I have ever known has said, “I can’t believe he had the audacity to approach me, he’s only 5 ft [insert inches here]”. That seems like what a man pretending to be a woman on the internet would write.
That being said, I’ve seen a 5’5 guy doing cold approaches on women in Pitt St at 7pm on a Friday night (he was trying to pick up a friend of mine) with his cheap leather jacket and Elvis hair. It was the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. We drank a toast to salute his futile efforts later that night.
Some women are really harsh and some women will act like that but you have to be prepared for that sort of reaction when you approach a stranger. As for approaching women It isn’t creepy as long as it is organic and in the right setting. For example starting up a conversation in a line, in a club at a Cafe, etc… Just make sure the women you are approaching doesn’t look closed off, like don’t approach a women who is reading or doing work. You might want to start small like going to a place where that is expected like a club first before you move on to different settings. Social ques are really important to recognize when trying this.
You can try making a comment about your surroundings. If they’re interested in talking, they will. If not, they’ll shrug it off. No loss.
Hight is not the issue. The issue is approaching uninvited. A guy can be good looking tall and can still be labeled a creep. Good looking guys just get approach signals much more, so it seems like creepy is defined on how attractive you are.
Here is the catch, guys don’t pick up women. Women pick up guys and get us to think we are picking them (women) up.
Women will try to get your attention, they will preen, make eye contact, engineer situations to talk to you. All women will just about stalk you online, pop up where you least expect it a lot. Etc… When you finally ask her out, she is thinking finally, this idiot got a f*cking clue, lol.
All the creepy PUA shit people tell guys not to do, women use about 90% of those techniques.
Straight cold approaches are insanely ineffective for most guys. The rejections won’t bother you so much as creeping a woman out. Those stick with you a while. If there are serious repercussions as a result of a cold approach, it’s even worse.
If you cold approach, the goal is random small talk or a simple greeting and nothing more if appropriate. If it’s not appropriate don’t approach especially when she is at work, at the gym, on public transportation etc…
Look for warm approaches when a woman has tried to get your attention. If you get introduced even better.
If you’ve invested in yourself and took care of basic hygiene, put some thought into how to come across and express yourself honestly.
If presented yourself with a fitting and matching style that suit your personality, and wherever you are approaching.
If You were reading the room, her body language and situation correctly. If you picking the battles you must take.
If you have done all you can to take action and express your true self honestly, in that present moment you have approached.
Then it no longer matters what’s she considered at all, you performed your act of selfless expression.
You don’t control her, and whatever is going on in her life for her to act any particular way, she owes you nothing you want nothing.
If you approach her and she kills you on the spot, that was the risk you took and considered worth it to express yourself honestly and truly, what a way to go
If it was the last thing you ever did know failure was the absolute certain outcome or worse death, you wouldn’t do so without a shred of doubt or insecurity, Amy neediness, you offer you value, offer vale to her about what you can observe in her.
Such is the courage of the act.
No money, or personal circumstance, will give you a better reaction if you can’t display, the I am what I am at the moment in time, you can take it or leave it behaviour.
IF you are indifferent.
It just won’t matter in the end.
IF
If you still need to “approach” women rather than talk to them, you might not be ready to get back into dating
If you are ugly, then yes
I don’t like being cold approached, but I have social anxiety. I’d rather meet people in a group or something where we have common interests.
I’m 42 and I’ve been cold approached a lot over the years. The last time I was out of town with my husband and when he sent to the restroom, an attractive man approached me just to tell me that he thought I was beautiful. He was so polite and respectful and well spoken. If he had been unattractive, but still respectful and well spoken I would have received the compliment well. If I were single but still not interested and he asked me out, I would honestly not be offended in any way. I would just decline and recognize that took some courage and confidence. I’m older though and i grew up in different times. To me creepy would be a guy staring, a guy commenting on my body parts, or making sexual remarks. I don’t mind a polite conversations with people I just find more times than not creepiness sneaks in there.
I’m 5’7 and bald at 29. Never had any problems in dating relating to either of these things. It all depends on if you have the right personality to pull it off or not and inevitably some women are going to feel a negative way about it. As long as you’re respectful, I don’t think their disapproval really matters.
I think your specific example of going up to a woman and asking about her day won’t be particularly attractive. Just imagine that from her perspective, a random male stranger walks up to her and asks her how her day is going. Do you think she’s gonna be willing to share all the intimate details of her day with you?
Yes, no woman will ever want to be with you. The very fact that you find them attractive makes them sick.
If you approach by negging her that would be insulting, but if you just say something like “hey I like your style, I just wanted to come say hi.” That wouldn’t be insulting.
Bro serious note there a lot of things in life you can’t control one being your height for example but focus on becoming the best version of yourself make a habit to hit the gym . In almost no possible scenario does that not benefit you . Get really in shape so at least you’re 5’7 but fucking fit as fuck and shit work on your social skills because if you honestly think approaching a women is insulting to them then maybe you lack some self confidence.
From my perspective as a man, on paper, there shouldn’t be anything wrong with it, but saying that, I find it terrifying. I have bad social anxiety and I was raised to always respect women, so I think it has led to me being “overly respectful” in some ways and miss a lot of opportunities. By overly respectful I mean that I have become afraid to bother them, afraid they’ll see me as a creep and something horrible will happen that will ruin my life in a public way when all I wanted was to talk and ask a girl out. I’ve become SO respectful that I’ve learned to see myself as bothersome and offensive, so that to even show interest in a girl is to be some kind of freak who’s imposing his disgusting wants on her. Of course this also puts the women on some kind of high pedestal, how dare I ruin their day with my presence and existence. But truthfully they aren’t unicorns or heavenly angels, they are just people, and there’s a time and a place to talk to people. I have to learn that it’s okay for me to exist and take up space, even next to a beautiful woman. Me showing some kind of interest shouldn’t be cause for some life ending experience, cause it’s not. 99.999999999999999999999 percent of the garbage that I fear is in my head. I can’t control the rest of it. All I can do is be nice, try to talk to a woman at an appropriate time and see what happens. If she reciprocates that’s great! If not, I have to just move on. I’m not gonna lie, it’s gonna uncomfortable and take a lot of trial and error. And there may be women out there who find my interest offensive, but I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with them anyway, so bullet dodged. If we are going to be confident the way they say we should be, then we shouldn’t view ourselves as creeps just because we like a woman. There’s nothing wrong with that, and so long as we aren’t being rude or talking to them at odd times, there shouldn’t be any problem with it. I’d rather be confident than afraid. It’s taken a long time but I’m slowly getting there. The only other option is the status quo and living and dying alone. I’d also like to echo what others have said about working out. Even if they don’t like our faces we should have bodies that make them day damn, lol. I’ve met women I wasn’t really attracted to but were in shape and we can do the same! Lol. We just need to be the best version of ourselves and be normal friendly people. It won’t entitle us to dates but no one will be able to call us creeps either.
A dude approached me while grocery shopping once with a pack of ramen in each hand and said “which one of these do you prefer? Just kidding they both taste like salty cardboard. Hi, I’m Jeff.”
We dated for like 3 months.
Simply approaching a woman isn’t an insult . If men never approached a woman , they would think something is wrong with them. They expect guys to approach them. It’s only an insult if you actually insult them . Also 5’7 isn’t too bad considering the average woman is only about 5’5.
Did dump someone short with great salary and kind but it was the personality. Desperation and height insecurities as well as other insecurities are gross
Would you date yourself if you were a woman? If not, then work on yourself first.
Look, if they look at you that way then they’re just way too shallow & prissy!!! Do you really want a gold digger that wants a man for one reason, or one that is real & wants you for who you are as a person? You as a man that is 5’7 & works no matter what.?! Those women are usually only there for the short run. To see what they can get from a man. Then they move on to the next. If you want someone who’s gonna be around & get to know you & be stay for the long run. You need to be approachable also. Be sure if yourself & confident in who you are & what you do no matter what. Just be yourself & if you can (if it’s you, idk) bring out the humor. Laughter is like medicine. You can always catch attention with the humor. People love to laugh. Be truthful & always keep the communication open. 💯 When you feel that you can approach someone that is in your level, do it with that confidence…. Definitely!!! You got this!!! 👍😁😊
Cold approaching women is always going to be superficial because the only thing the two of you know about each other is your appearance.
I try not to be superficial, but when I’m dressed up nice and some strange guy in flip flops, a wife beater, and basketball shorts approaches me and asks if I’d like to go grab a drink with him, yeah it’s kind of insulting. When some guy old enough to be my dad cold approaches me and asks for my number, yes it’s insulting.
Don’t put yourself down sir. U r a human being like the rest of us thus u deserve love too regardless of your height or whatever features or wealth level. They r not better than u but equal
U sound like a good person or as far I can tell from how you write. Hope u find the happiness u deserve
I hate being approached and it was always an automatic no from me to any man, who approached me irl. But if you’re respectful, polite and go away at the first no, no normal person will take it as an insult. On a side note: nobody knows that you are broke at first sight, so that’s kinda weird to put emphasis on that in the post.
Any person who is insulted because someone of a certain height or whatever shows interest is not a nice human being. I’ve met people who think that way, but very few, and I’d be thanking them for helping you dodge that bullet. So you could encounter that but it is not a reflection of your worth, in reality, just some sad person with faulty cognition.
No but approach women within your league
Just do it. Be respectful, confident, and show genuine interest.
A lot of girls date men that aren’t of high economic status. And 5’7 isn’t “bad” (I don’t think any height is bad personally but even for unfair dating standards)
Eventually you’ll find your rhythm and a girl will say yes to date.
Make sure to take the no’s gracefully and tell them to have a nice day.
Absolutely not.
Approaching someone is often the hardest part. The problem is not the rejection. It is the goal. The more women you Approach the more rejection you will see. Eventually you find someone to start an actual conversation with. Its the law of averages my friend. When I was in the Marines we used to try to talk to every woman in the bar. No one ever got passed 35 Approaches with out success. Seriously the more rejection you find. The more success you will get.
No just be a gentlemen
Depends how you approach them. That Steven Shapiro chap has it nailed
However I was in a queue somewhere and this odd guy was loitering, making small talk with disinterested women and it was so weird. Like he wasn’t buying anything, and he wasn’t commenting on his surroundings. Just trying to approach strangers who were just trying to do a bit of xmas shopping and mind their own business
There’s also that video of the guy who approached people in shops/malls, but he was also super awkward like “hi y.. you’re re..really pretty” and these people were like what?
I’m a relatively confident person, but natural conversation with strangers isn’t a daily thing, and it can’t be forced. It just kinda happens, but in the right setting it can certainly be done
1.Stop following gold diggers and girls with inflated ego on social medias.
2. You can’t just go and ask a girl which you don’t know “how was your day?”
3. We are nearly the same age and height and my job is not paying well too, but I have something that you don’t Confidence.
4. If you want to approach a girl do it, but In a smart way.
5. I’m fat, I’m short do I get girls yes! Be confident just approach the girl, don’t use cheesy pickup lines and written examples, be yourself act like you have options even if you don’t if she doesn’t talk with you what’s the big deal? Plenty of girls out there. Good luck!
I think if you are this insecure and care what others think, you will never be happy. Id focus on changing my thought process and then try dating if i were you.
As long as you understand what no means when approaching to a woman, and keep your hands to yourself i do not think anybody would be insulted. Worse case, they dont find you attractive and then you move on with your life.
You are letting your insecurities get the best of you.
I am 5’5”. So by your standards of what you consider “short”, i’m doing worse than you. On the attractiveness scale, I’m a solid 6 on a good day. And i approach women UNAPOLOGETICALLY. Wanna know why? Because i know exactly what i want, and i go for it. I am going to die some day. I don’t want to live my life with regrets. If i see a woman of value that I’d like to get to know, i approach and say hi. Because by doing so, i have everything to gain. Nothing to lose.
Change your mindset. Then the world will seem like a completely different place to you.
1. Note that women don’t always–or maybe even usually–dress nice as a signal that they want to be approached. Women are often treated worse in general if they don’t “look nice” while out in the public sphere so looking nice isn’t about being hot to you and any other hot-blooded males, it’s more about just getting through the day. Or maybe they look nice because it makes them happy to look nice. Either way. Don’t think of it as a signal of some kind. It’s not a signal.
2. Your height doesn’t matter. Yes there will be some women with specific height preferences but they’re not the norm.
3. The most common complaint I’ve heard from women while getting approached by guys is that they’re in a place where they’re just trying to do their thing (ex. grocery shopping, or at a line somewhere) and men try hitting on them or talking at them, and then either won’t leave these women alone or won’t catch the hint that these women don’t want any of this. I recommend trying to flirt with women (not cold approaching because that sounds creepy and weird) at places where flirting is the norm and expected, like at a bar or something. The women there might be interested in this kind of thing, which is why they’re there, whereas doing it in, say, a store will make you look creepy and you will not have good luck.
4. It’s obvious when a dude is only talking to a woman because he wants to hook up/date so please just …. treat any one who interests you like a person instead of something you need to woo.
If a woman is that shallow run in the opposite direction! Go places that you enjoy and you will find a woman with similar interests and you can start a more natural conversation 💪🏼
Don’t listen to this bullshit, work on yourself and do it anyway.
If you want to have woman you need to be meeting them and online dating is not the best way.
Maybe I’m a terrible person, but yes, I’m shocked, appalled and insulted when unattractive men have the audacity to approach me. It’s disgusts me and ruins my night. I’ve got to work out how to tactfully get rid of you. You’re taking up my time I could be having fun with my friends. I might be sitting somewhere I like. Now I have to move to get away from you. You might not take the rejection well, I now have to look around and identify staff/security. I think a lot of people will lie about it though.
There’s nothing wrong with approaching a woman, as long as you’re respectful, tactful and YOU’RE not awkward, as that’s what will make her feel awkward and uncomfortable.
situational/observational opening lines are good for this.
Making use of these types of opening lines will indicate to the woman on a subconscious level that you are in the moment, paying attention to your surroundings and are socially savvy (which means that you are probably normal and safe/not creepy).
You say you’re 5 foot 7 with a low paying job. Even if you have a low paying job you seriously need to have a better outlook of yourself. This is bad. You put women so far above yourself that you think that you’re insulting them just by approaching them and asking them out. As if they’re gonna say “how dare you?” Lol. The main way it’ll be an insult is if you actually insult them. Otherwise as long as you’re cool and smooth when you shoot your shot. They’ll at least take it as a compliment. You really need to change your outlook on yourself