We had been going out consistently every week for about 2 months and have had sex a few times. I had told him, I am not looking for a hook up buddy or friends with benefits, but looking to build something with the potential for more.
He then says “I’m not as emotionally available as I would like to be, I’m still kind of heartbroken over my ex. But I would still like to continue to see you.” To me, that was translation for I’m still not over my ex, but I’m lonely and like having sex with you. And seems like a pretty one sided arrangement to me. I would basically be signing on to being a rebound.
So I told him I think it’s best we put things on pause. Do you think I did the right thing?
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The only thing I think you did wrong was pressing pause instead of returning the whole video. To a Blockbuster in another time.
Are you sure his ex is actually an ex? Because I’ve been there…
Yes you did. You’re interpretation was correct
I mean i kinda understand him… Like u should first end everything from you past to get into something new.
But why he would ever start new relationship if he still feel something for his ex. Can u just be friends for now?
If he actually cares about u he will stay close with u and eventually heal himself enough to be with someone else.
A therapist I use to follow would say he is using you as his emotional band-aid. I would agree with your translation and your view that you are a rebound.
Yes. Good job.
Yeah you are. He wants to use you as his human band aid for sex to help him restore his bruised ego. Once he’s all good, he will move on. Or, he will go back and forth with his ex.
Are you me? Lol. Exactly the same thing, to the t. except I haven’t had sex with him. I also put it on pause/ended things. Ofcourse, he came back after being alone for a little.
Basically, everyone I spoke to said, that simply put, he just didn’t like me enough. It’s hard to believe because we had emotionally connected so much and talked about future plans and have so many things in common. It didn’t truly feel like the end. He even cried and was very vulnerable telling me about his exes and past. I mean, I understand people need to heal, and in a way it’s mature to tell someone straight up “hey I’m just not ready for a relationship”. My guy, did come back and did say he wanted to try again and take things slow- and get to know me better. And that meant more to me than anything because I do believe in second chances. He said the separation really made him think.
In another perspective, maybe the ex came back. It’s totally plausible. And he needed time away to deal with that third party? We really never know what’s going on behind the scenes. But stick to your guns and what it is you want. If he comes back and wants to reconcile, that’s your prerogative. But make sure to set boundaries, expectations, and have clear communication from him on where it’s headed if you try again. Good luck!
You could be right.
Or he could just be telling you the truth and being open and honest with you that he’s not ready to fall in love yet but he wants to keep seeing where things go because he genuinely likes you. People’s emotions are not like light switches—they don’t flip on and off it takes time. He’s healing. That doesn’t mean he still has feelings for her or that he’s using you it means he’s still in the healing process. If you don’t want to stick around to see what happens, that’s your decision. But you can’t automatically assume he’s just lonely and using you because that may not be the case. Not everyone has a rebound some people just move on to the next serious relationship.
You’re 100% right to dump him. He needs to get over that before starting something with you. It’s not fair to you at all.
Yep! Good job, girl. This is what self respect looks like
Absolutely
Of course, he’s literally telling you that he’s not going to relationship with you and he’s still hung up on his ex.
Don’t even second guess. He shouldn’t be dating.
That’s how I would have read it. Even if he does genuinely like you, he’s clearly not given himself time to get over his ex. Meaning he take shouldn’t be dating at all.
Block and delete, end the cycle
Had this exact same scenario happen to me about 5 years ago, a few months after I met my now husband. You’re for sure making the right choice. Wasting time with the wrong people, keeps you from finding the right people.
You did the right thing. You’re correct that he is not over his ex and looking for someone to fill that missing piece in his life. kudos to him for being honest with you, because that’s going to save you a lot of hassle and heartbreak later on if you continue to date him.
I think that he was honest with you and really, you don’t want honesty in your relationship…. You don’t have to have sex to build a solid foundation.
That’s a judgement call. Perhaps he is heartbroken but wanted to move on with you. Or he obsessed over this girl, which would mean you did the right thing. It if he truly did wanna move on with you then you could’ve helped him drastically. Again, judgement call
You did the right thing. He would dump you in a heartbeat if his ex wanted him back
Absolutely!
The guy is clearly not over his I can guarantee that if you did stay with this guy if his ex said ” I want to get back together ” he will dump you on the spot so yes you did the right thing .
There’s some maturity in admitting that he’s not as emotionally available as he’d like to be due to his heartbreak from his ex. Most men just barrel forward with their rebound. Regardless, you would be a rebound, and if you’re not comfortable with that you shouldn’t do it. Now he sounds like a decent guy who might be worth giving a chance in the future, when he’s moved on, but is that something you should tell him? Up to you, don’t do it if you think it will make him get more attached.
Definitely. He should have said this from the start. But at least you know now and are no longer wasting your time.