I’m at 21 year old college student and I feel like most of my relationships are one sided catered to me. I love my friends that I’m making but I feel like most of these friendships I don’t know much about them as they know about me I sometimes have a hard time remembering things to do that makes it harder I don’t know how to connect deeper then surface level as well I’m overall confused on many things and don’t know what to do. Any and every insight is welcomed please.
2 comments
First, it sounds like you would benefit off of engaging in more conversations with your friends. Invite them on an activity where conversation is possible such as a walk, or dining.
Deeper connections arise from trust. How do you obtain trust? The most popular approach is through time. People gain trust for friends that have been around for a while. However, this is not the only method in which trust is built.
People gain trust towards others when they open up and share stories about themselves that are more personal. The problem is that people don’t share these stories with everyone. How can you convince people to share these stories with you? By sharing your own stories. By taking initiative and sharing personal stories with others will give you maneuvering space to ask for similar stories in return. To gain trust you will want to continue this fair exchange of personal stories and show appreciation and respect. These stories are important to them, the more you respect them the more they will trust you.
Good luck!
Well, why should they be friends with you ? It cannot be because you are lonely and need attention. What are they going to get out of talking with you ? Typically, people look for somebody who is confident, fun, interesting to be around, or adds some kind of positive energy or positive vibes. They deduce it from the way you act and carry yourself around them. There are verbal and nonverbal cues that you give off that show you are anxious, unconfident, worrying, overthinking, etc. and they subconsciously deduce you are not that positive person they want to hang out with. For example, being overly quiet and not participating or contributing in past social interactions you had with them. You need to practice putting yourself out there and talking to people in a confident manner.
Also, people naturally recognize, appreciate, and value you when there is something respectable about you. Do you have skills, talents, hobbies ? Can they impact people ? People subconsciously attach you to the value you bring.