My husband (30M) and I (26F) have been married 3 years, together 6. We have one son and another on the way.
We have had a pretty easy going relationship. We argue about every day, nit-picky things but haven’t ever truly had any real issues like infidelity, lying, financial disagreements, etc. Still, within the past year or two we have really tried to work on our communication patterns to make things better.
But to the point, I feel like there will be days or weeks where my husband is super into me. Like can’t keep his hands off me, compliments me, kisses me all the time, truly invested in improving our relationship, etc and then with no warning, it suddenly goes to barely a good night kiss, no sexual advances, and picking on each other like siblings. I can’t figure out the rhyme or reason, but it makes it hard for me to take the “good” times seriously because I know it won’t last.
I’m a pretty consistent person. I’m not an over the top person but I do express my love daily. I just don’t know if this is a characteristic of him or a red flag. I don’t have any other reason to believe anything is going on.
3 comments
There’s probably a reason but it’s most likely a fairly harmless one. My partner gets the same way at times, too. There will be long stretches of constant touching, groping, hugging, kissing, squeezing, “gotta have you now,” to suddenly, over night, a peck here or there, but mostly no real affection. It’s usually due to just being worn down. At least for my partner.
We have two kids, one who is an infant. We’re tired a lot and stressed and snip and snap at each other a lot but don’t really have massive, blowout fights (they’re rare when they do happen). My partner gets stressed very easily and the kids take their toll on him, especially our 5 year old cause he just wants to wrestle and play with daddy all day but daddy is tired lol.
That’s usually what it is for my partner. Just moods shifting. Being tired. Cranky. Nothing super insidious. I don’t even mind though. Between the two of us, I’m not the touchy feely type. I don’t particularly love being hugged and squeezed on all day. So I don’t really mind the stretches where we’re less lovey and affectionate. We’ve also been together over a decade so that might also have something to do with it lol.
I’d just ask him. See if something is wrong or up. If it bothers you a lot that is. I’m sure the explanation is very innocent.
I (husband) believe I have this pattern as well, and it took a while to recognize it in myself. Despite the stereotypes, I strongly suspect that is either a hormonal cycle over time or a brain chemistry cycle.
I have a horomone imbalance for which I take daily medicine. However, some days my morning routine gets disrupted and I forget to apply my medicine. On those days, usually by early afternoon, I’m riding the emotional rollercoaster (like yesterday and the day before). And since this condition affects emotions, it also affects the quality and quantity of affection i might be giving that day.
If my wife notices that my behavior is “off”, she’ll ask whether or not I’ve applied my medicine because I am either being cranky or not touching her as much as she would like or just being lethargic.