I(19f) hooked up with a guy(28f). While we were doing the deed he grabbed his phone started recording it. I don’t even know why I never said no at that time but now I deeply regret it. I just want the video deleted so badly. I don’t know how law works in the USA but only thing to my defense is that he never asked for my consent. Should I just casually ask him to delete it? But what if he has it on somewhere else like Icloud?
5 comments
I think that’s the first step to ask him to delete all the copies he has. For the rest US citizen shall answer.
I’m so sorry, that dude put you into a super vulnerable spot by doing that, it would be hard to say no right in the middle of a deed, especially with the track record men hold.
Maybe call your local police or an attorney to ask them for advice. Say you felt scared to say no during that deed.
You invite him for a coffee in a public place and once you are both enjoying your coffee you ask him his phone to delete it and to make sure he hasn’t shared it. Just say, “you know the way you filmed me? I am not comfortable with this so please give me your phone so I can erase it”. He owes it to you, dont let him tell you his phone is personal blahblahblah. You can even ask a friend to sit at another table in the same place in case you need support.
I insist on the fact to not talk about it to him before that. You want to seem casual about it but you also want him to be surprised so it lowers the chances of him lying to you. Also do it in a public place as it lowers the chances of big drama and fight. He probably won’t want you to yell in front of everyone that what he has done was illegal.
Note for the future: don’t hang out with guys who are 10 years older than you. They have no business spending time with a 19 years old girl.
Honestly the legal or illegal question is a huge gray area because you didn’t say not to and it was consensual sex however him sharing that video without consent is illegal, I’d agree with the user about talking to him in a public setting and just being causal about it also as a 30 year old male I also agree with the user above about not hanging with older guys I find 19 year old girls to simply be “children” that may be because I have a 15 year old daughter but non the less I’d never even consider hanging out with a girl of your age (nothing against you) but nothing good usually comes from those situations hope you’re safe and have a good outcome if things don’t work or he doesn’t agree to delete it than yes you could take it to authorities but they may not be able to do much unless video is distributed or posted on a website
Different states have different laws. I suggest asking on /r/legaladvice for specifics. Consent may be required for being recorded, and he would have to prove you give consent. I know in most states (but not all), both parties need to be consented to being recorded, even in a conversation. So if you said anything on the video while having sex, and you didn’t give consent to being recorded, that’s not legal.