Hey folks, hope you’re all well. Just thought I’d reach out to you all for some thoughts here. For some context, I am 31 years old, though emotionally and socially considerably younger. With that said, I’ve struggled relating and talking with people in general and have suspected I am on the autism spectrum for quite a while now. I’m not always entirely sure whether discussing or sharing certain information with others is appropriate or not though try to use my discretion as much as I can. I should also say that I have characteristics of borderline personality disorder (never formally diagnosed though the symptoms match my behaviors almost to a T at times (self-diagnosis probably isn’t the best rule of thumb, but I digress). I spend a fair bit of downtime online in chatrooms or other chat-based platforms. I tend to be very guarded and insecure about the impressions I give off to folks at times, which compels me to share information about myself that the average person wouldn’t share. I think of it as a sort of means of justifying my behavior. Someone pointed out that in the course of conversation, I have a tendency of “trauma-dumping.” I’ve never heard of this term, though it’s apparently a form of manipulation (??). I mean well and don’t seek to alienate anyone but I guess my tendency to overshare has that effect sometimes. As I said before, I think the reason I engage in this behavior is so folks aren’t blindsided or taken aback by something I might say later. I’m always looking to improve myself and understand I still have a long way to go in that regard. I don’t always have a clear idea of timing when it comes to discussing certain topics and tend to articulate myself better when I have ample time to think about what I want to say (which isn’t always the case in life of course). If you folks have any insights you could share here or advice on how to be more tactful when meeting new people, I’d appreciate it a lot. Apologies for the rambling at times. If you need any clarification on this post, just let me know.
1 comment
One way to know is to follow their lead. So if they reveal something that’s a bit personal, that’s a sign that it’s okay for you to do that too. Just try to match their energy and depth on that. Don’t go into a whole huge story if they’ve just dropped a small detail. And if they DO go into a longer story, then you can do that also, but maybe do it in the NEXT conversation, not right after they tell their thing. (Because then they’ll wonder if you even paid attention to their thing.)
Good luck!