Ok background 36F and 32M have been together over 10 years. He has gone down on me 3 times. He said he didn’t like it so I didn’t want to ask. I finally asked after years of just sucking it up without it. He said he enjoys it but says I need to ask if I want it. I’ve been wanting it but feel hella uncomfortable asking because I feel it’s forced. Any tips to make this a little smoother?
Yes he gets a bj everyday we have sex.
37 comments
Trade him in.
Not everything needs to start with word. You can push him down a bit to guide him between your legs or keep talking around it, something like “I wouldn’t mind some attention down there from you”.
Just swim with the flow in that regard and enjoy the feeling/show
I mean communication is the biggest thing. Typically the guy doesn’t know unless he’s told
I think it’s important that you reflect why it’s uncomfortable for you to ask him to go down on you, and practice to do it.
Asserting needs and boundaries are one of the most important skill in a relationship, but it’s also hard IF YOU DON’T PRACTICE! It’s really similar to the teens who don’t dare to ask someone out. They think it’s the hardest thing to do until they have done it a couple of time.
As for tips, I see two options:
1. (the best one). Have a discussion about sex when you are not having sex and tell him you fantasy about him going down on you and you would appreciate it a lot of if he did this spontaneously from time to time.
2. When you are having sex, tell him that you want him to go down on you. You can tell it is a sexy way such as “my pussy is getting wet just by thinking of your lips on mine” or such things.
Talk about it more may be use sexy food to spice things up all about pleasing each other and overcoming fears or anything that hinders progress personally as a man I’d like it if she asked but the I’d never refuse I adore it ,just talk add different things etc to mix see what happens if u just open up naked and tell him to get his tongue working never ask tell it turns most men on I’m sure.
Stop giving him blowjobs. If he asks for one, tell him he gets one as soon as he has taken care of you.
If he complains that he has to ask, tell him you feel the same way. And when he starts doing it without being asked, so will you.
I go down plenty on my wife without her ever asking, but I admit it is hot when she asks, hotter when she demands it, and hottest when she physically pushes my head between her legs and with a wry smile she tells me to get to work.
Did you end up figuring it out??
First off, no way he enjoys it if he’s only done it 3 times in 10 years. I love it and wouldn’t date someone who doesn’t enjoy receiving oral. That’s how much I enjoy it. I agree with others saying to hold off giving oral if he doesn’t reciprocate. Fair is fair.
I think a lot of us men are raised like dogs. It makes us a little desperate for attention, struggle with boundaries, and in need of constant encouragement to learn new tricks. This isn’t a hall pass for bad behavior, but it might explain why he needs this.
Ask. Enjoy. Don’t over think it. He said he likes it don’t over think it. Just cum!
Make the same rules apply in both directions.
I didn’t gets bjs from an ex because I didn’t ask lol one day I asked and she told me why didn’t I ask before lol. It does take courage for some since I wasn’t use to ask in but once you get over that small hump you should be fine. Don’t feel bad. Just ask lol
Fellow married here, 33m. Wife is 37f.
I don’t think you’re unique in this struggle so rest assured most couples have stuff like this. For me and my wife it’s dressing up. I love novelty and seeing her in cute outfits for sex, whether it’s actual lingerie or just something random like nothing but sneakers and a crop top hoodie. I just like it. She’s doesn’t not like it, but it does nothing for her so she finds it difficult to remember.
If someone isn’t into it the way you are, they aren’t thinking about it. They never will. It’s just human nature, not necessarily an affront to you. Sure we can take action to think about it more and do it more of our own accord for our partner, but that can only last so long. This is why couples often complain “it got better for a little bit but it always goes back to the same thing”. For the partner who isn’t against the act but it doesn’t do anything for them, it’s frustrating because they aren’t against it but they feel like they DO do it, just not as much obviously as you’d like – and at least for my wife and I, she gets frustrated that if I don’t say anything its automatically out of sight out of mind for her and if I get frustrated about it she’s not even unwilling if she simply knew, so it becomes a stalemate of me feeling like “I’ve told you before and you already know I want this!” And her feeling like she does know that but she isn’t thinking about it because it does nothing for her.
So the solution as wild as it sounds is literally what your husband has proposed. If he is saying he likes it, or at least is willing, but he has communicated he needs you to remind him. As exhausting as it sounds and as much as we wish our partners would just show up in the exact way we want them to, we MUST speak up. No one can read your mind. I have to tell my wife I’d like her to put something on, and then it’s up to her to say yes or no. The same for you and your husband. You could make the argument that oral should be reciprocal since you give it to him, and that there are plenty of men who enjoy it and would love to do it during every sex session and those things I’d agree with and are true. They aren’t your husband, though. This is obviously something he isn’t that into, and if you want it, you’re going to need to take some responsibility for that and ask for what you need.
If he refuses then we have a different discussion. But if he isn’t refusing and he’s willing, then I’d say there’s nothing wrong here except a small difference in what you both prefer sexually, and you can work around that with a partner who is willing and game… but you gotta speak up since they arent going to naturally think about it if it isn’t their favorite act or whatever.
My girl is the opposite. She says I ask too much. So I tested going without asking for a month just to learn that she’ll never do it if I don’t ask. Unfortunately, some people (who probably just don’t like doing it) need some prompting.
Wow…. I truly feel sorry for so many of you deprived ladies. I had no idea this many men slacked on giving oral until being on this sub. No wonder I’ve been called amazing at it so many times.
Say that he needs to do it more without you askimg because you love it. He have to teach himself to make it naturally happen.
59M and 58F I don’t need to be asked every time but it helps. I’ve gone down before and it wasn’t great because she wasn’t fresh and clean or it was that time of the month and she didn’t stop me . So that stays in the back of my mind. I’m sure I should communicate more.
You can show him videos on how to do it properly. Also tell him that your pussy is like your lips and want to taste his mouth… try to have more hot conversations on this.. maybe after a drink will also work.
I told my gf that if she’s horny and she wants it not to be coy and either ask for it or come get it.
I told her to be direct and filthy, and it’ll work for both of us.
But yeah, 3 times in 10 years is crazy!
Second post in a row about this WHAT IS WRONG WITH EATING GIRLS TODAY ??
Just own it and ask him
Dam I barely get a bf and I can’t stop going down on her if I tried. It’s like candy land down there
So why not ask? Communication is important in a relationship please act like a grown up and ask. You make it sound like he is demanding you slay a dragon. You sound like you have a lot of communication issues in your relationship you are also projecting onto your partner how you think he feels instead of talking with him about it. Then you call him a liar when he says he enjoys it. Nobody should perform sexual acts with out proper communication about it.
Instead of projecting how you think he feels you should communicate and also have him perform oral sex on you. Communication is also a skill so it might feel uncomfortable for you because you are not good at it. Sounds like you have had issues in the past with asking for what you want and should work on it for your sake and your partners sake.
Honestly what do you want him to do? Do you want him to psychically know when you want to have oral sex performed on you? Or “just know”? Sorry if I seem harsh but you are being unreasonable. What more could you ask from a partner that will perform the sex act you want on you when you want them to under reasonable circumstances.
Maybe he needs you to ask so that you’re giving him permission to do it, like something in his head gives him a reason not to do it. Really try to praise him when he does go down on you, not to say he did a great job but let him know how much you liked it
Something hot hearing a woman ask. Even hotter when she begs 🤷♂️
We don’t ask for oral, we offer.
The fact that he doesn’t offer it sound a bit off.
You should talk to him about it.
By any chance are you having orgasms during sex with him what is he just finish up whenever he wants and leaves you high and dry?
Or you can compromise and tell him that he has to be going down on you while you’re blowing him. And if you can have an orgasm while that is happening you also have the opportunity to just Mount him and experience an orgasm during penetration and hopefully he’ll be overwhelmed and explode which will give you that Mutual orgasm bucket list checked off
Three times in ten goddamn years? Seriously? I don’t think he enjoys it.
In our bedroom, we ask to give, not receive. “I’m going down on you, unless you don’t want that…”
Why do you have to ask? Does he have to ask? Why is his pleasure presumed but yours isn’t? Hmmm…
Are you both in shape?
I know for the women I am with, we can’t keep our hands off each other and want to please each other every way possible.
Get fit and I bet he will want to worship you. If not, there will be guys lining up.
Stop sucking his entitled dick.
My wife has expressed an aversion to oral from the beginning of our relationship, so her asking is a key aspect. I don’t initiate out of respect for her boundaries. Over time I’ve offered more frequently as our sex life have expanded, and she’s opened up more and more. This may be the case with your husband. He just needs to continued reminder that this is an option until it becomes part of the “habit.”
Elsewhere like a pre curser to sex
I want to see tou