Hello! I’m aware that choking can be risky and want to have safe sex, so how to safely choke someone during sex?

41 comments

  1. Don’t press down on the windpipe squeeze the sides gently. What you are wanting to do is slow the blood circulation to the brain not cut off air, but just barely to much and you can seriously hurt someone.

  2. Ask them first!! Don’t just assume it’s ok because it’s in a lot of porn. Honestly don’t know how or why this became a “thing” but to each his own.

  3. Before you and your partner have a conversation about choking have a conversation about safe words that should be your first priority Don’t do a safe word that is so ridiculous that you can’t remember, but something that is easy to remember and understand when it needs to be said

  5. Apply slight pressure to the sides of the neck not the front and gradually increase the pressure if your partner is ok with it and stop when they say too or if you think it’s adequate pressure

  6. Avoid the front of the throat, there’s delicate structures in there and it doesn’t do the sexchoke thing, it just hurts

  8. It’s primary cutting off oxygen to the corodid (I Kant spel) artery. Slow application, firm grip, and releasing in appropriate windows of time so that euphoria is reached..but you don’t give them a migraine (or you know..kill them and their orgasm).
    Be safe mate.

  9. You can’t “safely” choke someone. Both of you must accept the inherent risk that comes with it. Communicate with your partner before you engage in sex, during and after. Trust your gut.

  10. Start training Jiu Jitsu. You will learn how to properly apply a choke to your partner.

  12. I let him choke me until i tap out. I want to test my limits and he also really likes my expression when i have to tap out.

  13. Don’t squeeze or grab her throat tightly. Just have your hand on her neck firmly but don’t actually choke her

  14. Take a class. Find local kink groups, and take a work shop for it. It might take a lot of work to find people but with breath play, it’s worth it.

  17. Hey someone with a n awesome sex Q!

    So beyond the already stated about where to apply pressure and how much vs where not to…

    …let’s look at some visual and audible cues. Rosy red faces are ok, purple is too much, if you see veins you have gone to far.

    Coughing, gaging, slapping/grabbing at your hand… should obviously mean stop. My partner taps my for arm if she wants to be done… Much better than a verbal command. I mean think about it 😶

    Now put some thoughts into the position(s) you wanna try this in. If you are on top, you will want a one handed choke so you can support yourself with your other arm. Use the thumb on one artery and the fingers on the other. Don’t apply pressure across the whole hand as the trachea is in the way. I feel like this is a little more advanced than sitting or laying on bottom, using a two handed choke. It is def sexier though, at least to me.

  19. Like everyone else said, gently squeeze the sides of the neck with your fingers, and avoid exerting any at all pressure to the air tubes in the front.

    And since I didn’t see anyone saying this, **give them intermittent breaks** if/when blood starts rushing to their head, which you’ll know because their face will turn red. And stop entirely if they start coughing or gasping.

  20. It’s a learning curve honestly.

    Make sure you’re not pressing to hard in their windpipe. Also some people like it lightly, some people like it rough to the point where it leave marks.

    If the person you’re choking has never been choked before start off light Nas go from there. If they want it harder next time, gently increase pressure until they’re comfortable with it.

  22. Although it’s saf*er* to squeeze the sides and not the front, you still run a small but significant risk of brain damage from cutting off the blood supply to the brain. Light pressure. Whatever you do, don’t go in with the goal of making them lose consciousness.

  24. Consensually. That’s the single most important aspect. Never ever ever choke anybody who didn’t *ask for it.* Don’t “test the waters” with something like that. And never ever pressure somebody into it who isnt enthusiastic about it right of the bat.

    If they’re enthusiastic and ask for it, establish a nonverbal form of communication incase they feel unable to speak. I like the “tap out” method. If I’m uncomfortable and can’t speak, I tap out. But pay attention to your partner. If something feels off, stop and check in on them. Don’t just be like, “well, she didn’t say no and didn’t tap out. Guess I’ll keep going.”

    As for the choking: Place your hand gently on their throat. Make sure they’re comfortable, ready, and still enthusiastic about it. After their cue to continue, gently squeeze the sides of the throat, with no downward pressure on the windpipe.

  25. By applying pressure to the arteries on either side of the neck. You’re not restricting the airflow but the blood flow to the brain which renders them lightheaded, but diminishes quickly once you release.

    Do NOT squeeze the throat itself or apply pressure to the trachea and vocal apparatus.

  26. Also, check in with your partner to see what they’re actually after. Is it breath play? Or is it a feeling of being controlled, of submitting, feeling powerless, or heck, maybe even feeling secure. Because there are a lot of ways to accomplish those feelings without choking. If you’re in missionary, try pressing them down gently but firmly with your forearm across their chest. Or restrain their neck without choking. Control head movement with safe hair pulling technique. If on top, hold down their hands against the bed with your hands. Use your weight. And so on and so forth.

    And if you’re really serious about wanting to become skilled at the kinks around choking, find your local kink and Fet groups and attend a munch, they often have educational events, or you can make friends and mentors.

    And finally—don’t ever, ever, EVER engage in choking and or breath play without extensively discussing safety, emotional needs, potential triggers, goals, trust, safe words and gestures, etc before hand in an explicitly non-sexual context (like over coffee). Never just go for it. It is not some “basic sex moves 101” thing.

  27. Best way is to have her put her hands on yours and show you how she likes it. Always and pressure to the sides and not the windpipe. Communication, ask her if you are doing it right, make sure she if OK and it’s what she enjoys. After your playtime talk about it, make sure it was enjoyable to her. If something bothered you or you felt unsure or uncomfortable about something let her know.

  28. In my experience I usually don’t choke the girl. It’s mostly about the hand placement, and putting light pressure on the area. You don’t want to make your girl pass out, unless she’s into that stuff. You can also squeeze her neck but not her wind pipe just the blood vessels around the throat, so she can still breath and get that sexy pleasure.

  29. From what I understand you don’t actually choke them you put pressure on the veins in their neck to cut off the oxygen supply not necessarily cutting off their breathing

  34. If they say stop. Stop.

    If they go purple. Stop.

    If they’re unable to say stop. Stop.

    If they haven’t consented to it. Stop.

    If they tap out. Stop.

    Other than that, just choke them evenly all round and not mainly on their trachea (front).

  35. Honestly, with my partner, it’s more about putting your hand to the throat than actually choking. Maybe try that first 🙂

  38. Ask if they want to be choked. Start very gently with a loose grip and have them tell you when they want you to squeeze tighter. Never squeeze the windpipe forcefully and pay attention to any changes in skin color if they like it rough. Some people are into pass out play, but that can be a dangerous kink if both parties aren’t very familiar with it and each other.

  39. In my experience, choking is more of a mental turn for women. There is usually no physical choking happening. Just put your hand lightly on the neck.

  41. It’s not really a very safe thing to do in general.

    Pull hair or hold her arms … Those can give the same feel, but less risky.

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