Hi everybody 🙂
I’m a 25F and I struggle with depression/anxiety and am in the process of being diagnosed with CFS. I have been seeing a mental health support worker for two years now and this is my 3rd one. The first one was super lovely however she moved away due to getting another job. The second one…well, that’s another story but it’s pretty similar to my current support worker.
Let’s call my current one S and I’ll try explain below in bullet points what’s going on. I’ve been seeing her for a little over a year now. It’s hard bc I feel like she cares about me but she shows it in the wrong way and it comes across as more of a “friend” vibe rather than a supportive mental health worker vibe. But I get into this, I will just mention this but it’s not confirmed. I feel like she almost has some kind of intellectual disability. I know she suffers from schizophrenia or something similar however she can be quite childlike at times and says the strangest things.
1. She’s told me about other clients she has – their names and what’s going on with them eg a hoarder and what the state of their house is like. She’s also told me about a client who committed suicide after S found her slashing her wrists. I felt sick after she told me this and it honestly made me feel really upset.
2. She keeps touching my hands/hugging me when it’s clear from my body language I do NOT want this. When she gets here every time, I open the door to let her in and she hugs me which I hate. I have started to stand back once I open the door but she doesn’t seem to realise how uncomfortable I am and just hug me anyway. When we are sitting at the table and I’m talking about something, she will often hold my hand/squeeze it if it’s on the table. I have started keeping my hands in my sleeves or fiddling with my water bottle or something on the table but she doesn’t seem to notice and still does it anyway. Last time she did it, I said to say it made you feel uncomfortable when she does that but she either didn’t hear me or didn’t want to because just talked over me and it made me very angry. I hate it when people touch me like this and every time she does, I’m mentally freeze up and cringing inside and just associate until she either lets go or I pull away because I hate it so much.
3. She turns up early with no warning. We meet at 2 pm every Monday. There’s been several incidents where she has turned up at 1:30 or 1:45 with no warning except a text while she is parked in my driveway. I’m often still in the shower when she does this and it stresses me out greatly. Once she simply texted me saying she turned up early “so we could spend more time together” It gives off weird friend vibes and I HATE it.
4. She tells me about her personal life such as her rent going up, her weight loss, what’s going on her family etc. It really annoys me as she will obviously turn the conversation towards her. She’ll say something like “Oh, it seems like both of us have had a lot going on…” and then go on about her life.
5. She seems to have no backbone and sometimes forget I’m actually an adult. I have a complicated relationship with my mother who is my neighbour. I also rent the property from my parents that I live in. In the past my mother has called S and even turned up in the middle of our meetings and S has been like a dead fish in regards to telling my mother to leave as I’ve been so upset crying.
6. Her workplace kindly gives each client a Christmas present. She has asked me multiple times what I would like and I have said I would like supermarket/gas vouchers as they are things I actually need. She suggested a lunch boat cruise for the two of us which not only is completely something unnecessary I do not want, it is also something I would be doing with her which I do not want.
7. She randomly will whip out her phone and show me a “good deed” she’s done lately or play a song and sing. I was talking about how I want to eventually buy a tiny house one day and she got it in her head that it would be a good idea for her to buy one for herself. She kept trying to take my phone to look at the ones I was showing her online. I hated that she was doing that and in my personal space so I sent her the links so she wouldn’t have to keep doing it but it just made me very uncomfortable.
8. She has told me things about her personal life that I do not think I should be aware of – I understand transparency and being open is important for someone in her job however I felt quite uncomfortable when she informed me that she was hospitalised years ago for trying to rob a bank with a banana.
9. I feel like she is wanting ME to give her advice when she talks about her personal life which annoys me as she should be the one supporting me. She will make comments about how she’s feeling overwhelmed at her boss is being a jerk lately or something like that and I feel like I’m expected to say something back that’s helpful but I’m often at a loss because I’m dealing with my own drama in life.
Overall I have had issues with her workplace as a whole. I won’t make this too long but with my last support worker, she would turn up unannounced at my house and also I said I was not messages cooperating when I didn’t reply to her during work hours because I was at work. Long story short that support worker ended up getting asked to leave.
On the days that S has been away sick in the past; another support worker will sometimes call or text me to see if I want to see them instead. A few months ago, a relief support worker called my mother and asked her how she was doing and apparently they had an in-depth conversation which they had no right to be having as I am a fully capable adult. I was furious when my mother told me as it complicated our relationship (she was saying stuff like how the support worker was supporting HER for dealing with ME which made absolutely no sense…) I ended up calling the workplace and speaking to the boss and told it was completely unacceptable to which she agreed. I had asked for my family to be removed from my contact numbers on my file and it not been done at the time which very much infuriated me.
I have thought about reporting S to her workplace – my sister and my friend who I’ve spoken to both agree that she has been completely unprofessional. However I would feel bad if I reported her because she obviously cares about me however the way she goes about it is completely unprofessional. I also don’t think I want to stop seeing her is as much of a hindrance these things can be, I like the fact I can talk to her about what’s going on with my family what I’m struggling with lately without any bias however I always am exhausted when she leaves because I feel so guarded and irritated by her crossing boundaries. Her workplace has also mentioned discharging me several times in the past due to them having a lot waitlisted however without S, I would have no professional support at all. So I guess you could say I am at a loss for what to do.
I am seeing her later today and I am feeling quite anxious about it in regard to her touching my hands especially. I would greatly appreciate any advice or suggestions. Thanks in advance 🙂
9 comments
She doesn’t sound professional in the slightest, get a new one.
Your own mental well-being is more important then her being offended.
I think you should look for a new mental health support clinic entirely, especially if this one doesn’t have the staff to assign you a new one.
If it was me I’d write a letter of complaint detailing all of this. It’s completely inappropriate. As well as invading your personal space, she is on dodgy ground with client confidentiality.
She’s had training and should know where to draw the line. Maybe its just a bit of re-education she needs, but these types of people dont usually stop. They seem to think the rules dont apply to them. What if she decides to strike up a romantic relationship with someone else who is vulnerable, or ‘help them’ with their finances? By getting it in writing you’re potentially helping someone else who cannot advocate for themselves.
If you put your concerns in writing and they withdraw your help, you can query whether that was due to retribution for the complaint, and take it higher.
Have you spoken to S about each of these issues? If she’s neurodivergent as well she may not be able to pick up your nonverbal cues. I understand not being able to in the moment but are there any times you would feel comfortable speaking to her about these things? If doing it in person causes too much anxiety, maybe in an email/text? If she doesn’t respond well or if you feel too uncomfortable to confront her with how she’s making you feel at all, you should contact the agency she works for about her treatment of you and say that either she needs to respect your boundaries and be more professional or you need a new support worker. Best of luck, I’m sorry you have to go through all this ❤️
Immediately report her to the Board of Standards and get a new therapist. This is ridiculous.
Dump her. Unprofessional and abusive. She should NOT be touching you. She should NOT be talking about other clients and triggering you. Nope. Move on.
She seems so lonely for the right person but I would personally hate her.
I think you just gotta let her know. I think she’s trying to help but she doesn’t know how to go about it the right way.