We’ve been together for almost half a year so this is obviously slightly concerning.
I will add that there are no other signs that she is cheating on me so I do want to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Perhaps they belonged to a previous partner? But then wouldn’t she have gotten rid of them by now?
What do you think? Should I question her about it? Or keep my mouth shut?
31 comments
Shouldn’t every grown woman have a box of condoms under her bed?
Leave them there, check the box again in a month and see if any are missing.
Why can’t she have her own condoms? I have condoms in my nightstand?
I would definitely say something. It doesn’t need to be an accusation. Just you found this and you’re wondering if there’s anything that you need to know about.
As a female i also have some just in case condoms. Better to not need them and have them then need them and not have them.
Were you looking for something in particular to be under her bed?
If everything is good i probably wouldn’t say anything. There’s a bunch of legitimate reasons that they would be there. If this is something that’s going to bug you until you know for sure then it can’t really hurt to ask either.
Count them first obviously, before recounting later, wait scratch that, leave them on the nightstand out in the open and dont say nothing about them, she what she has to say about them, she’ ll have no time to think of a lie
The expiry date would give you a clue when they were purchased.
Maybe she uses them on her sex toys! That’s pretty normal, and would have nothing to do with cheating or with you!
There could be a bunch of innocent reasons. Its left from before your time and she just havent thrown them out, she could have forgotten they were there or she could use them for sex toys, for instance. There could also be shady reasons. You wont really know unless you ask her and have a convo that you happened upon these and you were wondering what they were for or if they were old.
ETA: this got me thinking and I went searching in my own nightstand, and I found an old open box of condoms in the back that pre-dates my now partner of some years. Never done anything shady with them, just seemed sensible to have some backup around just in case, and then I forgot about them. To paraphrase Alien vs Predator, I rather have them and not need them, then need them and not have them.
(ETA2: I’m guessing quite a few people havent seen AvP and dont recognize the reference a commenter is making underneat mine, but his gun reference is a part of the full quote I’m referencing. Character A is packing a gun for an expedition, character B says she never saw someone be saved by a gun on the ice, A replies that its the same principle as a condom, rather have one and not need it, than need one and not have it. The other commenter is not just making a random gun comment out of the blue)
You’ve been together a short enough amount of time that it’s very possible they’re from a previous situation. I don’t see any reason to believe it overlapped with yours.
That being said, talk to her if it’s bothering you. Hopefully you have a good reason to have been searching under her bed.
Are they maybe hers? To use when you guys have sex?
Count them, see if they drop in number over time. If they do, then you ask about the box (don’t tell her the number is changing). If she doesn’t say she uses them for toys or something, I would then assume she is cheating.
Yeah I’d ask about them, but casually like, “hun why do we have condoms under the bed?” in general curiosity. It could be that she uses them on sex toys as someone suggested, or maybe they’ve been there a while and she forgot about them (check expiration date). Her reaction to you finding them might say more. Communicate rather than speculate
If you really believe she isn’t cheating then chill out but still tell her about it bc it concerned you
I am a girl and I have Condoms that I bought last year somewhere in my room. Could be like that, not always boys only get condoms. But I think it won’t harm to ask to make you sleep at night.
Hilarious if this post was reversed genders the replies would take a full 180, the state of society.
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OP, call her out, does she even own sex toys, have you seen her use sex toys?
Or don’t say anything and just see if any go missing.
Count them and check back in a couple weeks. If the count changes and she claims they are old or a just in case then you will know.
I bought condoms before I started dating so I could practice safe sex since not all guys have condoms.
I think my bf also has condoms from before we got together.
I haven’t thrown them away since they can be handy for sex toys.
So don’t jump to conclusions, just ask her.
UPDATE: Discussed this with my girlfriend and it turns out she is covering for her brother. Their mum found the condoms while cleaning the brother’s room and she wasn’t happy about it so he asked her if she would hide them under her bed. She took the whole thing pretty well (thank God) and reassured me that I have nothing to worry about.
It’s possible she bought them for you in case you’re at her place without bringing some that you bought. My partner are I both keep condoms at our places in case of emergency. If there’s no signs of her cheating, ask her about them, but approach the subject casually without sounding accusatory.
Just ask .. in person so you can read her expressions.
If you don’t find out an answer it will build up in you.
Bro easy solution. If you want to be sure, dont talk about it, count them and see if some are being used over time. If yes, congratz
Honestly, your assumption that single = celibate is super strange to me. Your comments that it’s “possible” that she was sexually active before you make it seem like you assume she by default was not. That should not be the default assumption.
Being single to most people means they were not in a committed relationship. If she met you on a dating app, she was single and dating. If she told you she hadn’t slept with someone for a year before you, then finding a box of recent opened condoms seems strange. But if she hasn’t told you that specifically, and just that she hadn’t been in a steady relationship for a year before you became official, than I think your base assumption should be that she was a healthily sexually active adult before meeting you, and the condoms have nothing to do with you.
I think you’re likely stressing out over something normal. I hope so, at least – and I’m sorry if I’m wrong. 🙁 What was the circumstance that you were searching under her bed when she wasn’t there to ask about it?
I(F) have always had random boxes of condoms in various places near my bed that I purchased, and I’ve seen plenty of random boxes of condoms in various places around partners bed that were obviously from before our relationship. Past two relationships I was on BC and we got tested, so didn’t use condoms. I didn’t think anything of seeing open condoms though.
Of course they’re open (mine and theirs) because we used them with other people prior to the relationship. I’d consider it a red flag if someone got worked up about finding condoms under my bed.
If a women found an open box condoms under a dudes bed youd all be carrying pitchforks.
SY nothing. Wait awhile a d see if the number of condoms in the box goes down. If so confront
How many are missing from the box?
I give around 3 months for benefit of the doubt after that it’s unnecessary. I’m on the pill w my bf and in no need for condoms, so why would I need them. Plus they expire after a year so she either bought them now or got them before u started dating so they’re prolly almost off. Why keep them?
Five months. That’s the thing before six months. It’s odd that you’re doing the whole “almost half a year” thing. That’s not very long and per your other replies being single isn’t the same thing as being celibate. It’s not really any of your business either. Is she supposed to purge all birth control between partners? Do you throw away boxes of condoms between partners? It all sounds pretty normal. And tactful went out the window when your first thought was infidelity and reddit. Maybe you’ve not been in a healthy, long term, and committed relationship before. That’s fine, we all start somewhere, but keep in mind when this conversation happens that she’s allowed to have privacy and your feelings about the condoms are about your thought processes, not hers.
Count them, then count them in a few weeks