Why people love someone whom they are not nice with them?

3 comments

1. One thing that makes it hard to answer this question is that the word “nice” can mean so many different things. For example, if “nice” means “not telling people what you really think,” then some people (not all people) might prefer to hear a person’s real opinion than a nice fib (although it takes some practice to know when and how it’s appropriate to say one’s real opinion.)

   Also, that word “often.” Does “often” mean 30% of people are like this? 70%? 100%? Because there are lots of different people, and there is no one personality type that everyone likes. Although it might seem like 100% of people should like nice people, that isn’t the case any more than 100% like any other given personality trait. The Book of Job (in the Bible) is a story that shows this issue has been around for thousands of years. Job is this guy who does all the right things, but bad things happen to him anyway. How should he think about that? Is life fundamentally unfair; is he a bad person after all; etc. All of these thoughts come to him. The point being that it’s a super hard question and answering it in the right way is crucial, but hard.

2. No one likes a doormat; People like it when you stand up oneself. Please don’t be rude though even if that is your observation to be respected. I don’t respect those who are rude to me, although I try to be loving, kind, and as such. Sometimes it is really hard to love such difficult people I must say.

3. It’s one thing to be genuinely nice, which is what people love. It’s another thing to be nice because you are unconfident, trying to hide who you truly are, and you are trying to please the other person or get something in return. The latter is not only boring, but also disingenuous and manipulative. People can sense it and are usually correct in sensing it via observing your behavior and actions. If you want to genuinely connect with other people in the long run, being nice alone isn’t going to cut it; you eventually have to share your true personality in a confident manner and provide some sort of value to others.