Cast: me, 33f, my husband, 32m, his brother 34m, his niece (11f).
I don’t want to make this too long or air too much personal business, so please forgive me for skimming over a bunch of details.
I was traumatized by some well meaning but ultimately harmful psychologists when I was younger.
My husband’s niece is currently having a hard time. I don’t know about what specifically, but she’s showing some indications of serious emotional shit. I am told she has ADHD and oppositional defiance disorder. Thing is, back when I was younger I knew a lot of headstrong, intelligent kids that got labeled with oppositional defiance (“ODD”) by idiotic or unscrupulous psychologists due to my time in that world (no, I was not diagnosed with ODD. I was suicidal, if it makes a difference). In my opinion, niece is in that later camp. While talking to her she does not show any indication of ODD, IMHO.
Now:
A) I am statistically MUCH more likely to know such folks due to my background.
B) I definitely knew some folks with that diagnosis that were clearly suffering from it and not misdiagnosed (IMO)
C) I don’t have a degree in this.
D) I don’t know niece & fam super well and am probably sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong (husband &I have been together roughly 7 years, and we see each other on holidays but that’s about it). So it’s totally possible that she’s just good at holding it together when she’s around us.
Thing is, I feel like I’m betraying my past self if I don’t say anything? Kinda? I wish someone “adult” had stood up for me when I was younger, and I definitely suffered because no one did.
So I’m split here. Should I mention something about how I knew kids that were wrongly diagnosed? Or am I dumb for even thinking about saying anything?
I don’t want to tell these folks how to raise their kid, but I feel guilty not saying anything…..
TL;DR: I (33f) feel guilty for not sticking up for my husband’s (32m) niece (11f), but I’m not sure if saying something is a good idea?
2 comments
You could just tell her that being a teenager was really hard for you and if she ever wants to talk about it she can call you.
Be supportive aunty to your niece. If you stick your nose into the family business, I’m pretty sure you’ll be shut down and wonl’t be effective. Pay attention to her, talk to her, ask about her, tell her you’re there for her to talk anytime, if something happens in your orbit ask her about it rather than “sticking up” for her to her parents (but perhaps goes without saying don’t disclose your own trauma, about which I am so, so sorry). She’s a tween, so she’s old enough to start developing independent relationships with loving but more distant family members. Develop a mindset that you aren’t doing this to not betray your past self, but to pay your hard lessons forward to vulnerable kids. Good luck, OP.