tl;dr: Husband didn’t tell that he sold his car and buy a different one with similar price. The reason behind it is because he thinks the price will go up.
Is this a red flag?
I asked why he didn’t tell me, and his first reason was he didn’t think I’ll be interested to know. But the truth is he is afraid that I’ll disagree so he just went ahead and buy it (sometimes I can come across controller over finance for big purchase). The process of revealing the truth was also very hard, he said he is afraid of confrontation. But I value honesty over everything. He also didn’t think this is a lie (which I think a big red flag), he thinks he just wasn’t being straightforward.
He put his car in his friend garage (his friend also has some influences over him). Because of this fight, he doesn’t want to hang out with his friend again.
There are lots of similar incidents where he has lied in the past. For instance, when I met him, he wasn’t honest about his age and his credit card situation. As far as credit cards, he said he is embarrassed. his finance is so much better now because he followed what I advised him to do.
I’m ready to leave him if I have to. We’ve been together for 5 years but I don’t really want to be with someone who gaslights me.
He probably did this once or twice a year, but I do think if you can lie about small thing, you can also lie about big thing (which he did).
Some credit to his, I have lots of complain about his attitude, behaviour, and he went to therapy and is willing to change his behaviour. But I’m still haunted with this. I’ll be 35 soon and a little bit worry that I won’t find partner. However, partially I’m also ok if I become single forever.
2 comments
This seems like kind of a significant thing to do without talking to your wife. And then lying about it to you just seems extremely stupid and shortsighted. I wouldn’t feel great about this either tbh. It sounds like this sort of thing is not uncommon in your relationship, and if that’s the case then it just seems like an uncomfortable situation to be in.
>I have lots of complain about his attitude, behaviour, and he went to therapy and is willing to change his behaviour.
This may have a lot to do with it. While I’m not married, I understand the desire to “hide” things… even if they don’t generally warrant being hidden. It’s not that what I did is wrong. But sometimes, I don’t want to hear anyone else’s opinions about it at all.