I am a female 21, i have a really low libido and would rather masturbate then have sex. Whenever i try to date, sometimes i have sex when i really dont feel like it to please the other person and when they try to make sexual comments i get kinda creeped out or grossed out by it. I have to be super emotionally attached before i feel okay and not grossed out doing the deed with somone.
I would love to have a life with somone with just the emotjonal benifits mainly, i would love to get with somone, mainly act as friends but also buy a house together and have kids and stuff. but it doesnt seem alot of people work that way, and im just not into the whole sex thing.
Can anyone relate to this, am i crazy.b
30 comments
That’s completely understandable. It has a name : Demisexuality. Happens to me too
You’ll definitely have to communicate this to ensure you find a partner who is on the same page!!
I’ve been trying to find this actually. I lost my libido a few years ago and it’s been making dating really difficult. I enjoy sex on occasion but it doesn’t drive me anymore and finding a partner like that is next to impossible these days
I can relate. Why try and look so hard for someone when you can do it yourself (my opinion) whenever something sexual comes out I try to avert it in that direction and try to play it cool or try to use less sexual wording and try to keep it subtle
That’s normal but the guys ur age probably won’t have matching sex drives. I’m slightly older than u and a guy and I feel the same way…so give it time. People will find out what they want real soon. College and the short time after graduation is where we become adults and go…”so now what?” And develop independent thinking.
If you’re on birth control, I heard for some women it can tank their libido. May be something to look into.
I’m a guy and I’m like this. I don’t think anything is wrong with it but having sex when you don’t want to just to please the other person isn’t a good thing.
There are definitely people out there. There are people in the ACE community and in general there are so many people out there who feel the same way. All you need is to have these conversations early to establish expectations and make sure you move forward on the same page.
In my opinion there are 3 fundamental things in a relationship to work long term:
-Same views in core values (family, having kids, saving vs spending money, politics, etc)
-Same views in religion, or at least no opposites
-Similar levels of libido
Every other thing can be different, you can have different hobbies, different friends, different jobs, different incomes, even living in different cities, but if those 3 things are not ok, it won’t work.
So my advice is to look for the low % of men that have very low libido.
You need to sort out your libido problem before you get involved in a serious relationship. Imagine getting together with an asexual man, and then you change something in your life (birth control, life style etc) and your libido goes up. What are you going to do then?
Get therapy.
It’s normal. I’m a 21 year old guy and similar so we exist, it’s just not as common
Absolutely possible, you’ll just have to be more patient in finding someone who matches your level, or someone who is just there for companionship.
22m I am the same way although my goals are a bit different then just to get a house, have kids the end.
It’s probably your birth control, as other commenters have said.
Also, try reducing the frequency of masturbating, that also increases your libido.
If you’d rather masturbate than have sex, maybe you need to work on your communication skills, or partner selection skills, maybe even both.
It sounds nice. A relationship without sex feels like a cross between a business deal and an actual partnership.
Sex seems to cause more frustrations than anything. So it sounds to me like you’ve got the right idea.
You can date someone who is asexual and then you just don’t have to have sex with each other. The dating pool for asexual people is not big but it exists.
Is it low libido, or does casual sex/ ONS that make you uncomfortable? I have a high libido, but I personally don’t prefer ONS. There are some men out there “like me!” That don’t want to jump straight into bed. I need to feel comfortable first with the person and feel somewhat at ease with the person. Just food for thought!
Sounds like you’re asexual or demisexual.
Asexual people date without sex
Guess so you want to be more comfortable or you want to trust the other person more to get into this whole sex thing Can’t you look at sex as a form of love between two people just not to make it a taboo and its okay you know to think the way you think coz sex just attaches you with another person on next level and if in the worst case it breaks maybe it hurts very much so its alright to have such thought but what you can do is take time with another person get more comfortable and try to not think sex as a taboo hope this helps
It’s almost impossible to date without having sex with your partner . But I’ve seen one of such relationship that doesn’t involve sex . Sounds quit weird I know smh
No
You sound just like my ex. Same age too
A good solution would be to date girls.
Maybe have them masturbate with you,and maybe you haven’t found someone that turns you on.
Maybe just explain the situation to him, I worry without context he’s going to just think you’re not into him.
Some guys will be ok with it, some won’t, hopefully you got someone who’s understanding
Yep I believe in waiting as well
Sex comes easy at least I like to wait 60 to 90 days
Yes, but it’s gonna severely limit your dating pool. Ace (asexual) men do exist, and they want to find love just like you do, but your gonna have to look for them.
Have you heard of the term demisexual?